Pause, Play, Rewind
by lookslikeajobforthewinchesters
Summary: Bella is a teen with nothing to live for. The Cullens are a family given a horrible ultimatum. Bella can save them, but can she also save herself? A Jasper/Bella love story. Rated M for a reason. Rape, angst, etc. Brief Edward/Bella. Eventual J/B/Peter/Char.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Scream

I placed the last dripping dish on the drying rack of the kitchen's too tiny counter top and flicked my hands to get rid of some of the water and suds left on them. I grabbed a towel, wiped the counter and my hands, set it back on the handle of the oven, and ran a hand through my hair. Dad (who was really step-dad) hadn't been home tonight – not that it mattered. He didn't do too many of the chores, anyway. The only difference in tonight was that I didn't have to pick up beer caps off the floor and couch.

It had been gloriously silent and alcohol-free for eight hours. Dad (also known as Phil Dwyer) had been gone since one-thirty this afternoon. I'd cleaned the house, done laundry, done homework, taken a nap (I tried not to sleep when he was home), and done some homework. I'd attempted to fill out a boarding school application, but gave up pretty quickly. What was the use? I wasn't going to get that far.

Dad would make sure of that.

I turned off the remaining lights and made my way up the stairs, contemplating – as usual, lately – the reason why I kept on with this every day. It could all end so quickly, a concept that terrified many people. It made me smile. I could escape this in an instant.

As appealing as it sounded, I knew I'd never do it. I did, contrary to my usual beliefs, have things to live for. I had my dog, Zeus, and school. I had my friend Cindy and the possibility of a brighter future. I knew I would never get married. I'd read in countless psychology books that young people tended to pick out partners who corresponded with their past family life: boys fell for girls like their moms; girls fell for guys like their dads. That was the last thing I wanted.

Mom could vouch for that one.

Well, not anymore. Not since she 'died'.

I turned the corner into my room and a cold hand slipped around my mouth. I was gripped firmly around the ribs and my voice was cut off by lack of oxygen. I stood tensely.

"No scream?" A silky voice asked sweetly, sugary in my ear. I felt the cool breath on my neck, but didn't register that strangeness. I was too focused on staying visibly calm to be mentally so. "No struggling?"

I shook my head a calm 'no'. The voice made a sound of approval.

"You make my life easier tonight."

My eyes narrowed. I thought back to minutes before: I'd been contemplating the possibility of my death. It could happen in an instant. I almost laughed at the irony of the situation.

"Is it funny?" The voice asked me. It was distinctly male, deep and smooth. "I'm not used to hilarity in these situations."

I rolled my eyes. He was a typical murderer: sweet words, calm tone, and casual talk. He'd make you feel right at home and then gut you like a fish. I'd rubbed elbows with enough criminals to know that much. I tried to think of who might be out to get me: Jack, TJ, Jaime? Everyone was a possibility, yet no one was. They could be provoked by the smallest thing, yet I'd done _nothing_.

"Sarcasm? Impatience?" Okay, so I noticed this weirdness. Listing my emotions? Even the most 'progressive' idiot wouldn't fake that one. Besides, it wasn't entirely faked.

I nodded, rolling my eyes for good measure. I didn't care if they couldn't see.

"Hmm…over what?" He wondered. I scowled under his firmly pressed hand. I felt his arm shift around my ribcage, loosening it as my vision started (I think) to go black. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose. He released my mouth slightly so I could talk.

"Not very original, are you?" I asked sarcastically. The voice chuckled and squeezed my jaw to the point that I thought it would snap in two. "Telling me your diabolical plan? Having a nice, rational, one-sided conversation with me? Don't you have any new ideas?"

"Yes," he said darkly. "I do."

"You don't have to sound so foreboding."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Really? I hadn't guessed."

The voice huffed a sigh. Obviously, his plan to scare me was failing miserably.

"Want me to scream a little?" I asked sardonically. My captor growled. Yes, growled. Angry, P., doggy growling. Like the dog from The Sand Lot. Grrrr…except much more impressively. "No, seriously, I can cry. If you want."

"Shut up, please."

"I would, but I'm a chatty kind of girl. So, tell me about your cat."

"Don't have a cat."

"No? Fish?"

"No. No pets."

"You lead a pretty lonely life, huh?"

"I'm married, actually, so, no."

"Married? Didn't peg you for a marriage kind of guy. You know, with the whole 'I'm-going-to-kill-you' thing…thought it might be hard to snag a date."

"She doesn't know."

"Ah…" I said knowingly. "Lying to your wife. Well, all good marriages are based on lies. You're off to a good start."

"I said shut up."

"And I said 'no'. We're at a crossroads."

"Well, let's form a compromise. You shut up and I won't rip your heart out."

"Deal. But wait, are you just going to leave?"

"No. You're coming, too."

Wonderful.

"Do I have to ride in the back of a brown cube van that smells like moth balls and old shoes? That wouldn't be good for my complexion."

He didn't answer.

OoOoO

BANG!

Really, I'd been kidding about the whole back-of-a-van thing. He hadn't. Here I was, staring at the inside of the door of his, ironically, brown cube van. I still hadn't seen his face, but I caught a lock of blonde hair on the moonlight as he shut me in.

Well, he was a blonde guy. That narrowed it down.

Have you any idea how many blonde guys there are in this town?

He was probably younger, too, since he smelled good. Old people don't smell good.

I sat through the bumpy, seemingly speedy ride to wherever we were going. My only fear, really, was rape. I didn't want to hurt before I died. I just wanted to die. Quick, simple, clean. No blood, maybe. Blood hurt. No bruises, either. That required pain. No bruises, no blood, no beating. It was a good policy.

It took me a minute to figure out that it wasn't completely dark in little room I occupied. There was a fiberglass window above my head, looking into the cab of the van. It was still dark out – only quarter after ten in November – but I could make out my captor's silhouette in the driver's seat. He was tall. His head almost touched the high ceiling of the van. He was slim, yet muscled. He was, I knew, blond. Well, he was two of three of the typical bad-guy look: tall and handsome. He'd have to dye his hair dark to fit in properly with all the other crooks and druggies.

Except…and this was totally insane, but…my mother had taught me not to judge people. Not ever. It didn't matter if they were holding a gun to your head. They had a reason, no matter how dark or how ridiculous it seemed to you. They are the ones who had a nasty life. Mom had always said 90% of criminals had grown up without a proper family or the unconditional love of a parent. She said that we had to forgive them for what they did. It wasn't their fault they were messed up.

So, because I took everything my mother had ever told me so seriously that I had lines between my eyebrows because of it, I couldn't find it in my heart to be angry with him. He was polite enough. He at least said 'please' when he was really actually _telling_ me to do something. You didn't meet too many people who said 'please' even when they weren't going to kill you.

We pulled to a lurching stop, but I had no idea where. The side of the highway? A driveway, maybe? The woods? A lake? I didn't know, but it didn't scare me. I could bargain very well. The least he could do was give me a nice, dignifying place to rest, right? Surely it wasn't too much to ask.

The doors swung open and he moved into the back with me – this was a big mistake on his part. Didn't he know that I might attack him? Didn't he know how easy it would be for me to slip past him on his way to me? Was it unimportant to him whether or not his balls were intact? I thought it might be important to his wife.

But then he sat down. On the end of the van's bed, with his feet dangling onto the pavement below us. I raised my eyebrows.

"Sit with me?" He asked kindly, patting a place beside him. I was so confused that I could even find anything dangerous about it. So I crawled up beside him and sat. "Hello."

"Um, hi?"

"I want you to know that I'm sorry. It was mean of me to be so…well, mean. I didn't want to scare you. Well, I guess I did, actually. But I was hoping you wouldn't be scared. You weren't, not really. I've been waiting for this for a long time. We all have," he sighed, rubbed his face, and looked over at me. At least I think he did. I couldn't really see. "I just feel so bad. We have no right, but we have no choice. And now we're bringing you into it. You don't deserve this."

"Cryptic much?"

"Funny," he said flatly. He wasn't angry, just dejected. "I'm a bastard, you know that?"

"Well, I sort of figured. Most non-bastards don't steal little girls from their homes."

"Again, funny. You're not a little girl, however, so I must be one of those non-bastards, right?" He actually sounded hopeful. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fifteen."

"Really?" He said, honestly surprised. "Huh. You seem older. You know, in pretty much every way. I've noticed that you're always at home alone, or handling your father very adeptly. I thought…you must be older to have that sort of responsibility. Also…well, you're not hurting for the physical aspects."

He seemed embarrassed to have noticed. I laughed.

"Don't worry about it. I won't tell your wife. Especially because she doesn't know about your little escapades of the night."

"See, that's the thing. She does. You can forget most of what I told you at your house. Yes, I have a wife and no, I don't have pets, but most of everything else was a lie. I wanted to scare you, make you think I was really going to kill you."

"You're not?"

"Well, technically, yes. We all have our theories. You'll have to go over this with my family. Personally, I don't think I'm killing you," he said with a sigh.

"Well, that's good, then. But your wife is in on this?"

"Yeah. And my two brothers, my sister, and my parents."

"Big family."

"Not really. You just have a small one."

I considered my modestly sized family. Phil. Well, he wouldn't miss me. He might not notice I was gone until the school called to ask where I was. Even then, he likely wouldn't put the effort into finding me. I wasn't his responsibility. As far as the rest of the world knew, my mother was still alive.

They thought she'd quit her job and become a hermit, keeping to herself at all times. She was a very 'private' sort of person. No one noticed that her daughter was showing up to school in the same set of clothes for a year and a half. None of them noticed that her daughter's clothes were all long-sleeved and baggy. Nobody wondered about the boxes of band-aids in her daughter's locker. Not a single person thought to wonder about the kid's well-being.

I shook myself out of my little pity party and back into the conversation.

"I never asked your name," he was saying oh-so-subtly. I almost smiled at his attempt at casualness.

"Bella. Bella…well, just Bella, I guess."

Swan? Dwyer? What ever Mom's last name had been?

"I'm Jasper," he said quietly, almost like he was hoping I wouldn't notice. "Just Jasper, for now."

"Hi, Jasper. I'd say it's nice to meet you, but…"

"Yeah. I understand."

We both stared out into the night sky. I got a weird, shivery feeling; it felt like he was looking around in the darkness and actually _seeing_ something. Like he had cat vision or something. Suddenly, his head jerked toward the left. A light flicked on a second later. I could see the outline of a gorgeous white Victorian mansion.

"Your place?" I asked. He nodded, and then pointed to the little figure at the window.

"My wife."

I waved. The small woman waved back happily from the two or three hundred feet to the house. Jasper took my hand – his was cool to the touch – and pulled me out of the van effortlessly.

"Time to meet the family," he said almost grimly, ruffling my dark, messy hair. "For your sake, I hope you like them."

Wow. Could you get any more cryptic?

I followed him to the house, gripping his elbow firmly for fear that I would fall down. Strangely, I knew he wouldn't. Jasper was very surefooted.

The door burst open and two slender female figures and a bulky male one came bounding out at me. Jasper's wife and two others.

"Oh, you're finally here!" The taller of the two women gushed kindly. She was taller, curvy and a gorgeous brunette.

"Wazzup, my boo?" The guy asked, making a strange, really-bad-attempt-at-an-East-Side sign. He was enormous and also had dark hair.

"Bella!" The tiny, black-haired woman who was Jasper's wife said. She gripped me in a fierce hug. "I'm Alice!"

"Hi, Alice," I said, confused. I hadn't realized my arrival had been so…anticipated. Or that she knew my name.

"I'm a psychic," she explained, noting my bewildered expression. I nodded slowly, pretending like I believed a lick of this. She made a shocked face, her eyes flickering from Jasper to me, and stood slack-jawed for a split second before grinning ecstatically.

"Oh, really? I read minds," I said sarcastically as she stared at Jasper and I excitedly. A low chuckle sounded from behind me.

"Actually, Bella, that's me."

I turned around to face earth's most beautiful creature. Not an Arabian horse; not a dolphin; not anything that didn't walk on two legs. It was one of Jasper's brothers, I assumed. And he was _hot_. Fall to the ground, kiss the shoes, and beg for the loss of clothing hot. I almost did just that.

Jasper was seething. The look in his eyes was pure rage when he stared down his brother. I only noticed because he'd moved in front of his brother.

"Well, Edward, you're off to a good start. She likes you," he said sourly. I almost detected a sliver of jealousy in his voice. He gave me an intense look, and then frowned at Edward. I continued to stare at Edward.

I flushed bright red and responded in the only logical way. I buried my face in Jasper's chest and blocked out the rest of the world.

Another voice joined our fray of activity. It was older, more focused. Jasper's father, I guessed.

"She fits what we need?" The voice asked. "Perfect match?"

"…almost perfect." Jasper said. I pulled away and glared at him. He grinned.

"Not perfect, huh?" His dad and I both asked.

"Well," Jasper said. "She's fifteen."

"Fifteen," Edward growled. His pale hands clenched into fists. "Damn it, Jasper, why? Was there no one else? Oh, God. I won't do it. I won't."

"We can ask for an extension," Jasper said flatly. There was obviously a problem with my age. Whether it was a physical problem, like Jasper seemed to think, or a moral one, like Edward, I didn't know.

"What has Jasper told you, Bella?" Alice asked me, her little eyebrows furrowed worriedly. I thought.

"He told me that he had two brothers, a sister, a wife, and two parents. He said that he only scared me because he didn't want me to be scared. He mentioned that he didn't have pets. Oh, and apparently, he isn't 'technically' killing me."

"So you know about the whole death thing?"

"Yes."

"It's not a problem?"

"No, not really."

"Not really?" It was Edward this time. His face was still livid. "You don't 'really' have a problem with dying, but you're not sure? Well, let's try it out, see how it goes!"

"Whoa, calm down," I said, raising my eyebrows. "No one's killing _you_."

"Yes. They are. The moment you set foot in Jasper's van, you were a part of me. There is no changing that now."

"Why do all of you do that?"

"What?"

"Answer me, but only give me more to wonder about."

Edward's angry face slipped into one of sadness and warmth. He took a step closer to me and my head spun a little. Oh, he was more beautiful up close. He placed a cool hand on my hot cheek and rubbed his thumb along my cheekbone. A thousand emotions struggled across his face until, finally, he sighed.

"We ask for an extension. If not, it's up to her," he said quietly, looking at me but speaking to Jasper. "It's her life."

I melted under his smoldering eyes.

"We'll vote," the leader said. "Democracy is the only fair way to decide anything. If we don't get the extension, Edward, it's our fate or hers."

"You're the last person I thought would rather kill than be killed, Carlisle," Edward hissed angrily, apparently thinking I wouldn't hear it.

"There are seven of us. One of her," another woman, a blonde one, butted into the conversation. "Besides, who's going to miss her?"

"Rosalie!" Edward growled, closing his hand around my wrist. "Her family will."

"Oh, I don't have one of those," I piped up, figuring this might be relevant to the situation. Edward's eyes darkened; Rosalie's grew smug.

"No one," she said complacently. "Except Jasper, maybe."

"Me, too!" Alice's voice tinkled happily. "She's my friend."

"No family?" Edward asked me quietly. I shook my head.

"She lived with her dad…" Jasper trailed off, looking confused.

"Step-dad," I corrected. "Who is no family of mine."

"Of course." Jasper's hand touched my shoulder gently, soothingly.

"I'm willing to help. I don't have anything I need myself for," I told him, hoping I was making a good decision. I hoped that whatever I was getting into would save some people, if I was going to die either way. Somehow, I knew I was. "Phil's made sure of that."

"I won't do it," Edward said again, looking at his family. "I won't even think about it until she's eighteen."

"Bit hypocritical, don't you think, Edward?" The biggest brother said, clapping him on the back. "You're seventeen."

"Seventeen, then. Ugh. No. Eighteen. I want her to have the option of leaving. Legally. By her own choice."

"Alright, then," the big guy shrugged. "I'm Emmett, by the way."

"Yeah. And I'm your 'boo'."

"Sorry. It's a phase."

"Mmm hmm."

I looked at the seven people on the spacious deck, crowded tightly around me. I took in their faces. They were all inhumanly beautiful. It was almost cruel to put me in the midst of them. Me, wearing loose jeans and an old sweatshirt. Me, whose messy dark hair was still wet from my shower. Me, who was so obviously from a different world than they were.

But, still, they were more family than I'd had since I was twelve.


	2. Chapter 2

"Talk to me," I said, patting the seat of a chair directly across from me. Edward and Jasper sat awkwardly on either arm of it. They both crossed their arms and looked at each other nervously. "I have needs."

Emmett burst into hysterical laughter in the kitchen. Jasper attempted to withhold a smile. Edward's face was shocked and terrified.

"Needs, huh?" Jasper asked me. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, I _need_ to know what is going on here. What am I suddenly involved in? Are you part of a gang?"

Jasper's face instantly lost its smirk.

"No. Well…sort of."

"Again, you have lost the world's straightest answer contest."

Jasper glared teasingly at me and Edward pinched his nose. He did that a lot, I noticed – and I'd only met him three hours ago. "Alright, listen up. We are vampires. The living dead, hostages, whatever you want to call us. If you need proof, we'd be glad to show you. We've gotten a little mixed up with the law. A little. Unfortunately, a little is enough to break us in the vampire world."

"Wait," I said, cutting him off. "Vampires have laws?"

The two of them looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

"_This_ is what you're worried about? Whether or not vampires have laws?" Jasper threw his hands into the air and sighed exasperatedly. "How about the fact that vampires are _real_? Why not focus on the truly crazy things?"

"Well, I figure this situation is pretty messed up already, so what's a few mythical creatures in the grand scheme of things?" I said sarcastically. Inside, I was freaking out. Vampires? Seriously, what the _fuck_? "So, vampires have laws?"

"One real law. There are a few unspoken ones."

"I'm guessing you broke an unspoken one if you're only a 'little' mixed up in it?"

"Yes," Jasper answered, looking at Alice – who was across the yard – with a strained expression. "Our family has grown too big."

"So what do you want me to do? Fend off the vampire police?" This was a weird situation.

"No," Edward almost laughed. Jasper did.

"Bella, we need you to be a sort of experiment," Edward said seriously. "It's of your own free will, of course. You have every right to refuse."

"Why an experiment?"

"Is this really going to change your outlook on the whole ordeal?" Jasper asked, looking tired. I nodded. "Well, the 'vampire police' have given us an ultimatum. Help them, or die. You can see the obvious choice here. We have to help them with the scientific discovery of vampires. See, being dead, we can't reproduce. We are frozen in time. I'm sure you know that bodies need to change to carry children."

I nodded that I did.

"Well, that's the female half of it. On the other hand, the males have…quite literally frozen. Like a…a time capsule. We can still reproduce. Only, we have to do so with a human girl," He paused to gauge my reaction. I was still listening intently. "That's where you come in. You are possibly our saving grace. The problem being, we're fairly moral for dead people. None of us want to force this on you. It's your choice."

"Alright, then," I said. Both were silent. Edward's lips were pressed tightly together until they were almost white. Jasper was scratching his head uncomfortably. "You know, it's strange that they sent two guys to give me the sex talk. If I'd been expecting it, I'd also have expected Alice."

"Yes, but I'm the one who kidnapped you and Edward's the one who…" Jasper trailed off to look at his brother awkwardly.

"I'm the other one who is going to be participating in this experiment," he said grimly, unclenching his hands very slowly.

"I don't even get a choice?" I asked, eyebrows raised. Both boys were startled – Edward more so; Jasper looked a little pleased.

"What?" Jasper asked.

"It's Edward or nothing?"

"Wh…I…apologize?" Edward said with confusion. Jasper raised his eyebrows, too.

"I was under the impression that you appreciated Edward very much."

I flushed a devastating shade of red and refused to look at Jasper's gorgeous brother. I crossed my arms and huffed.

"That's beside the point."

Jasper stifled a snort of amusement.

"Would you prefer Emmett?" He asked with raised eyebrows. I got the feeling that he was testing me; trying to see who I'd pick should I have my choice. I pretended to think about it.

"Well, I am his 'boo'," I reasoned. Emmett came bounding in with a grin.

"Hey, sista, I can share!" He said, picking me up and twirling me in a circle so quickly that I barely noticed that I'd left my chair. "Besides, Rose might get a little bit pissy if I make babies with someone else."

So he was with Rosalie. Good to know.

"Well, when you put it that way…" I shrugged, turning back to Jasper and Edward. "I can't believe I don't get to choose."

"Well, there are a few reasons why it's like that," Jasper explained. "First off, we figured feelings would get hurt if it was up to you. Second, all of us have wives except for Edward, here. Which brings us to reason number three: Edward is the only one of us men who hasn't had sex yet. He's still…well, he's still got…"

He trailed off uncomfortably, shifting away from his brother. I still refused to look at Edward. Esme was now standing in the corner, looking in the direction of Edward very emotionally.

"I'm not twelve, Jasper. I know all the scary words now," I told him with a grin. "I know how both of our reproductive systems work. My step-dad took care of that for you."

"Good," he looked honestly relieved. His eyes grew worried once again. "Do you…do you have any questions about this?"

"Uh…not that I want to advertise to the entire family," I said honestly. I didn't want to reveal my past to the world. Nor did I want to reveal my body to them. Some things seemed almost personal now that I was here.

"That's perfectly understandable," Jasper said, looking at his family as if to motion them away. I stood up and they all stopped.

"Actually, Jasper, I was hoping one of you had a medical degree."

Everyone looked at me nervously. I understood their trepidation: why would I need a doctor? Was there something wrong with me? Had something _been_ wrong with me? Jasper's face cleared.

"Of course. Pregnancy is definitely something you'd have medical questions about. Being pregnant with a vampire hybrid is something even more unnerving." And with that, the room cleared except for Edward and Carlisle. I raised my eyebrows at Edward.

"Just because you're involved doesn't mean you're privileged to my entire life story, you know."

"I have a specialist medical degree. Two, actually. One in oncology and one in fetal development," Edward told me with a little smirk. I tried not to let my surprise show: how old was he, exactly? "Carlisle has four. Diagnostic medicine, oncology, cardiology, and something really obscure that focuses on rare, usually untreatable diseases."

"So why is Carlisle here?"

"Well, Bella, you could have anything to tell us. You could tell us you've had cancer. You might have had a heart transplant. Possibly a rare, untreatable disease," Edward winked at me and I blushed again. Dear lord, he was just so gorgeous! "I'm here because I've done most of the research on vampire-human procreation."

"Right."

"Are you going to ask us your questions?"

"Yeah, uh…this is sort of an awkward question," I ran my hand over my eyes and looked away. "I'm just not sure I'm a good candidate for being a mother. I can't let you guys lay the fate of your family on a baby that I probably won't be able to have."

"Why not, Bella?" Carlisle asked, taking my hand in his and looking at me very seriously.

"When I was thirteen, I had an abortion. When I was fourteen, I miscarried. Twice. I read about abortions hurting a woman's chances of getting pregnant later and figured that I'd screwed it up. You know?"

"Thirteen…" Edward breathed, gluing his eyes to my face. Carlisle made a quiet sound that resembled a 'dear God'.

"Will it make a difference with a vampire baby?"

"I…it, um…" Edward stumbled over what was a likely a very simple 'yes' or 'no'. Carlisle gripped his shoulder and spoke instead.

"Our venom has incredible healing qualities. I think it's safe to say that it will be fine," he cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders back. "Bella, there's something else we should talk about. Is this going to be…will it be too difficult for you? Emotionally?"

"I've handled the emotional side of pregnancy before, Carlisle. I think I can manage."

"No, maybe I meant…mentally. Will you be alright?" He asked. I bit my lip. "Sex at such a young age can have lasting affects. It can seriously alter your views on many things, like pregnancy, childbirth, being a mother…"

"Oh, no, I'll be fine. Alice said it would only be a month or two, right?"

"Yes, but, Bella…"

"No. It's fine. Seriously, not all humans are as deeply emotional as TV makes them seem," I told him, patting his shoulder reassuringly. "Really, it's not too important."

"Well…alright," Carlisle said. Edward was standing off to the side, still pinching his nose in some sort of deep, anguished aside. "I'll let you two get to know each other, then."

He left.

Edward still stood at the opposite end of the room, staring at the insides of his eyelids.

"So, Edward, what do you do in your spare time except take things way too seriously?"

He opened his eyes then, looking more than a little surprised.

"You know, for a fifteen year old, you're remarkably mature. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not."

"You know, for a sex god, you're remarkably melodramatic. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, sorry, I was judging. Very rude."

His serious expression broke into a surprised, amused sort of stare.

"You're something else," he said, shaking his head. I smiled knowingly.

"Well, I try."

"We should talk this out between us, Bella," he said very seriously. We were standing opposite each other with less than a foot of air between us. I was a little bit worried that I was going to force this baby thing on him earlier than he expected. My toes curled delightedly as he took my face in his hands. "I think you know what goes into creating a child. What I don't think you know is that this is going to be something very, very personal for me. I am the only one in my family who has the ability to give life. You don't know how important that is to me."

His golden eyes bore into mine and I forgot that he might require an answer for a moment. I shook my head and focused on creating an acceptable answer.

"Edward, I don't think you fully understand. Yes, I've been pregnant three times. No, I have never gotten that way on my own free will. I've always sort of hoped that having a baby with someone would be special, but it's never turned out that way. Some things don't go your way. That's fine. I've just had a lot more of those things than most people."

"Why were you pregnant?"

"Well, Edward, when a man and a woman –"

"I know," he said exasperatedly. "Seriously."

"Well, Edward, when a man gets it into his head that the woman before him is worthy of sex, some strange force of nature makes it happen. That's how it works: man sees girl, man has sex with girl, and girl winds up pregnant. I'm sure you know the basics."

"That's…quite unaffectionate."

"Yeah, and I spared you the gory details."

"You're fifteen," he said sadly. I nodded. There was some unknown emotion struggling behind his eyes and then I found myself being gripped tightly around the torso, rocking back and forth, back and forth. "Who did it?"

"Phil."

"Who's Phil?"

"My step-dad."

He let out a little, tortured sigh into my hair and held me tighter. "I will never let him touch you again. I swear."

"Thanks, Edward." This guy, who I'd met no more than five hours ago, was already protecting me. I tried to pull back, but his hold on me was too solid. I tugged at his arms. No go. "Um, Edward?"

"Don't move," he whispered, pressing his face into my neck. Cold breath hit my skin in a shaky, pleasurable sigh. I stood perfectly still. He trailed his nose from my jaw bone to the edge of my shirt and groaned. "You smell so good."

Okay, so having a vampire tell you that was probably not considered 'lucky'. The way he said it, though, he made it sound like he was telling me I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He could barely contain himself. I felt a sharp zing go straight through me.

"So do you," I whispered. His close proximity gave me a great view of his neck, shoulders, back, and butt. I was also surrounded by a scent that was more gorgeous than warm honey. "You smell great, actually."

He pulled away and smiled at me. His fingers tapped out a quick rhythm on the side of his leg as he stood before me. I waited. I knew there would be a response to that.

"Well, you know what they say…" He grinned. "It's fate if your relationship is based on sniffing each other."

"Yeah. It's greatly encouraged in drug users. All that sniffing non-addictive substances and stuff is good for them, you know."

Edward sighed.

"What?" I asked. He looked utterly defeated.

"I guess I have to resign myself to being the boring one."

"Excuse me?"

"You're clearly the funny one in this relationship."

"As far as I know, our relationship consists of five and a half hours, talk of procreating together, and smelling each other. Trust me, you being the boring one isn't nearly as freaky as the rest of it."

"You're definitely the funny one."

"And you're the stereotypical one. What happens if two boring people end up together?"

"They have…boring children?"

I snorted. Nice.

"No. They don't have sex. They aren't creative. It gets boring. What happens when two funny people end up together?"

"They have…too much sex?"

"Emmett and I disagree with your theory that too much sex is possible, but no. They don't have sex. Too creative. They spend too much time making a joke about it. Now what happens when people don't have sex?"

"Lots of people don't have sex. My biology professor three years ago was a virgin."

"30?"

"56."

"Ooh," I winced. 56 and still a virgin? What's that tell you? "Answer me."

"Well, when couples don't have sex they get…angry. When they get angry, they get frustrated. When they get frustrated, they take it out on each other. Taking it out on each other usually leads to the big letter 'D'."

"Exactly. So what happens when a funny person and a boring person get together?"

"They…don't have sex, either?"

"You're a slow learner. They have great sex. The boring one is easy to please: he's boring. The funny one just freaking loves the fact that the boring one is enjoying something for once in his life and that makes her happy."

"Somehow, I don't think this is hypothetical anymore."

"It's not."

"Oh. That's what I thought."

"You said that."

"Hmm," he said quietly, looking at his polished leather shoes. He crossed his suit-pant-clad legs and folded his arms before him. "My being happy makes you happy?"

"I have a feeling it will. Once I fall in love with you."

"You seem like you know that's going to happen."

"I do. I'm a sucker for the boring ones."

"Hilarious."

"_I_ thought so."

We sat opposite each other and stared, smirking. Our eyes bore into each others for what seemed like hours, watching each other smugly. We both thought we'd gotten the last words in. We both felt like we were winning a battle against the other. Neither of us knew what sort of battle that was.

He raised an eyebrow.

I lunged.

He met me halfway, grabbing him face in his hands and slamming his lips against mine. I tore at his suit jacket, shoving it down his scrambling arms. My t-shirt followed quickly and I ripped open the buttons of his dress shirt. There was a shower of ivory as buttons flew through the air. There was also a succession of loud bangs.

I hit the desk behind me firmly as he pressed further against me.

He slammed his fist onto the desk to my right.

The door burst open.

"Damn it!" He bellowed, backing up and looking away. "No! You're fifteen, for God's sake! I won't!"

"What's going on?" Carlisle asked from the doorway. I was rubbing my ass tenderly.

"And it's not going to be like this! Not on a desk in someone else's office! It's going to be _tasteful_, at the very least," Edward said firmly, still avoiding the act of looking at me.

"Sweetheart, where's your shirt?" Carlisle asked. "And, Edward, where's yours?"

"Floor," we said in unison. I continued, "We were having great fun up until his little hissy fit about my age."

"Bella –" Edward started. Carlisle put a hand on his shoulder and must have mentally sent him a message. I didn't hear anything, but Edward instantly calmed down. "I'm sorry. It was an overreaction. But we are going to wait as long as we can and I'm going to do this properly."

"No worries."

"I'm sorry."

"No worries."

"You're positive?"

"For HIV? No, absolutely not."

Carlisle looked very confused and a little bit worried. Edward waved at him reassuringly, letting him know that it was something that would likely be occurring quite often now.

"Right, the funny one."

"Don't be sad."

"Oh, wouldn't dream of it."

Carlisle closed the door behind himself, shaking his head in confusion and concern for what he'd gotten his family into.


	3. Chapter 3

We had settled into an almost normal family setting by the end of my first day with the Cullens. Most of them were very nice. They all treated me like I was the next Jesus, sent here to save their race and cleanse their souls. I liked all of them, even the ones (Rosalie) who didn't like me. I was nice to them because they were nice to me.

I played video games with Emmett for three hours before finally crashing at two in the morning. Jasper carried me upstairs to a room with an empty gold plate on the door and lay me down on the most amazingly comfortable and enormous bed I'd ever seen, much less slept upon. He whispered 'goodnight' and smoothed my hair out gently before making his way back downstairs.

I don't think he knew I'd witnessed this very fatherly/feminine display of sweetness.

I had a really strange dream that I was back at Phil's place and he was a man-eating octopus. It freaked me out, but ended before I woke up. I felt cool hands on my cheek as I drifted close to the surface of consciousness, but I didn't bother to pull out completely.

When I woke up, it was exactly how I'd pictured it in a big family. My big brother (Emmett) jumping on me while screaming 'PANCAKES!'; my really older brother/father (Jasper) pulling him off of me and scolding him for being rude; the possible boyfriend/husband/friend (Edward) laughing in the doorway, but pretending not to; my mother (Esme) fretting over having ruined breakfast (to which Emmett whined like someone who actually ate pancakes); my other father (Carlisle) kissing my head and smiling at me; my best friend ever (Alice) bouncing around waiting to go shopping; and the bitchy sister (Rosalie) rolling her eyes in disgust at everyone's antics.

It was very family-ish, not that I remembered or knew, but I'd seen TV.

Jasper and I were currently occupying the hammock in the back yard, sitting opposite each other with our legs crossed underneath our butts. We were holding hands and staring at each other intently. It would have been very romantic if he wasn't like my dad/brother and married to my best friend. Oh, and if I wasn't sort of falling in love with his brother after nine hours.

"What do you like, Bella?" Jasper asked me. I had a feeling that this was all part of his get-to-know-Bella-for-better-scientific-analysis scheme.

"Sex. Drugs. Drinking. Self mutilation. The list goes on."

For a moment, he actually looked surprised. Then he noticed my smile.

"Very funny. Don't scare me like that."

"Fine, fine. Take the fun out of everything, why don't you," I faked an eye roll. "I like to read. I like country music. I like jeans. I like cotton. Lots of cotton. Non-cotton is bad, very bad."

"Country music?" He asked hopefully. I nodded.

"Listening to it is like listening to a description of a utopia. I used to live in a sort of dystopia, so country music makes me feel better."

He was frowning.

"I should stop saying things like that."

"It would certainly help my heart," he smiled wryly and squeezed my hand with the softest tightening of muscles. "I'm sorry for dragging you into all of this."

"Aw, Jasper, all you've done is set me up on a super hot date with your even more super hot brother," I teased, winking at him. He frowned and his hands curled into fists. I figured he was worried about me. "Seriously, I have no problems with this."

"It's going to suck."

"Sex with Edward? I doubt it."

"I meant being pregnant with a vampire child. They…grow quickly. You'll develop a fully grown baby in less than a month. Your body won't know how to accommodate the rapid growth. You'll probably end up with broken bones because the baby will be stronger than you are. It will stretch, you'll break a rib or a pelvis or – or your spine. This is serious stuff, Bells. You don't even know the worst of it."

His pale face seemed even paler then as he grimaced to himself, staring off at something far in the distance. Instinctively, I scooted closer and place my palms on his forearms. The tendons were tight under my fingers.

"Jasper, it's not your fault."

"It is!" He exclaimed, throwing up his hands and shoving them into his hair wildly. "I chose you! I could have chosen any other woman in this godforsaken country and I chose you! You – you, the broken little girl who might not even be able to do this! I might be putting you through it all for nothing! All that might happen is pain, pain, pain!"

"Would you have felt better about this if I was eighteen, adored by my family of five, and in perfect health?"

"Yes!"

"Really?" I asked. "That's kind of rude. You'd rather take a girl who's happy with her life, loves her family, and has her whole perfect life ahead of her away from everything she's ever known? Not the girl who would probably end up dead anyway?"

"I…"

"That's what I thought. Now, seriously, drop the self-pity and the anger so we can get on with discussing more important things, like the many talents of James Taylor."

"Sounds like fun," he grinned. The hammock swayed for a few seconds and suddenly he was sitting before me with a guitar. "I play. Want to hear?"

"Yes!"

He started to strum and I nearly fainted with delight. _Fire and Rain_ was my favourite James Taylor song.

"Just yesterday morning,

They let me know you were gone.

Suzanne, the plans they made

Put and end to you…"

He faded out softly and a couple of tears fell down my cheeks. I had a feeling that he was wishing he could cry, too. His face was harder than usual, sort of like his jaw was set firmly. His entire body relaxed when the song finished.

We both sat silently, completely unaware of what was going on in the house, just staring at his fingers clenched around the neck of his guitar as he watched me cry.

"I always wished…I wished that I could have something like that," I managed to choke out around my tears. "Something to love that much."

"Me, too," he whispered, finally unclenching his hands from around the guitar.

"I always wanted to love my home so much that it was the one thing I mourned losing."

"You can now."

"Here?"

"Yeah, here."

"Thanks, Jasper."

He didn't say anything. He just picked up his guitar again, smiled weakly, and plucked the opening chords of _Sweet Baby James_.

OoOoO

I looked out the windows of the French doors at the back of the house, watching my brother and Bella sit on the hammock while focusing intently on Jasper's strumming fingers. I could just barely hear him singing – one of those horrible country songs he obsessed over – but I could see his mouth moving to form the long, soft words of a song. Bella's face was streaked with tears.

She was that beautiful girl, the one who was utterly irresistible. She was the one who burst into your life, stole your heart, and never let go. She was like a drug.

Not to me, she wouldn't be. We'd be friends (possibly) for the next few years, we'd have a child together, and then she would, unquestionably, die. It didn't matter when. All it mattered was that she was going to, and soon. It was unlikely that she would live through giving birth to our child. It was even more unlikely that she would heal fully or even mostly if she did make it. She would have severe scarring on most of her internal body parts. She would have irreparable back damage, broken bones that would never heal properly, twisted veins that would cause her circulation problems for the rest of her life. Even if she lived, she wouldn't live well or for long.

I wouldn't risk falling in love with her, especially not after knowing the string of thoughts that ran through Jasper's mind when he looked at her. She was the most important thing to him.

Jasper finished his song and Bella wept a new round of tears.

"They're good for each other," Esme said from beside me suddenly. I whipped around, surprised to see her standing there. How had I not heard her arrive? "He helps her to heal and she helps him to open up."

"I like her," I admitted. Esme smiled, but kept her thoughts well hidden. "I don't think there's any way you can't."

"Rosalie certainly doesn't," Esme chuckled, embracing me spontaneously with her happiness.

"Well, Rosalie is jealous."

"Really?" Esme asked, surprised. "Of a human girl?"

"Of a human girl and I. She and Emmett can't have children. Even Emmett can't without her anymore," I told her. Esme nodded in understand and then I smirked. "However, she's also a little jealous of how I seemed instantly interested in Bella. I think she's offended."

"Oh, now, don't be so pleased about it," Esme scolded me. I grinned.

"She doesn't understand the appeal that Bella holds."

"Neither do I, and I'd prefer to keep it that way, dear."

"It's nothing like that, Esme. Well, part of it is. Mostly, though, it's the light and the absolute goodness that seems to just seep out of her into all of us. It's been, what? Ten hours since she arrived? She's already made all of us happier. Look at Jasper. _Speaking_ to someone besides Alice. _Opening up_ to another living soul. You can't tell me that she's not beautiful in every aspect of her life."

I continued to stare out the window at the woman – no, she was still just a girl – who would be the mother of my child. I'd be the first to admit that I would have no trouble creating a child with her, but I knew I would definitely have a lot of inhibitions. I already felt a nervous thrill when I thought about it. What sort of emotional bond would we form? What would happen to me when she died? I couldn't get too connected. She wasn't going to be here for long. My biggest fear, though, was hurting her.

She'd been through so much already. Three pregnancies, none of them by her choice. Her step-father had taken advantage of her. Who knew how many others had? Obviously, sex was not something she saw as special or even pleasurable. It was something that people inflicted upon each other. There was no love or affection or tenderness involved in her mind.

In that second, watching her rock back and forth in my brother's arms as she cried, I vowed to change that fact.

OoOoO

"I'm making a trip to Voltera next week," Carlisle announced over dinner that night. 'Dinner' really consisted of the Cullens sitting around the table politely while I ate. Sometimes they decided to read or do homework or even listen to music. It was our time to be around each other. With the Cullens, being together didn't necessarily mean speaking to one another. Edward was really the only one who ever needed to speak. He conveyed people's thoughts to others.

I could only assume that Carlisle's announcement was vitally important if he didn't just mentally send it to Edward.

My assumption was proven correct when the rest of the family put down their book and pens and pulled their ear buds out. They all listened with rapture.

"I'll be taking Bella with me," he said quietly. Jasper, Edward, Esme, and Alice all tensed and looked as though they were about to protest when Carlisle held up a hand. "You all know she has to be there."

"No," Jasper said pleadingly. "She can't go."

"She's so fragile…there could be a mix-up, Carlisle, it's happened before," Esme said softly, pleading with her husband. He looked at her softly and touched her cheek.

"Voltera is no place for a human, Carlisle," Alice said angrily. "How can you even consider taking her there? Even without their little tests!"

"She _has_ to go, Alice. Everyone else has gone," he pointed out. I figured there were girls before me. Girls who had failed the test, if that was what Voltera included. "You never protested then."

"I didn't _love_ them! They were just people! Bella is not," Alice wailed, begging. "Please, Carlisle, don't make her go!"

"Alice…"

"Carlisle," Jasper said quietly. All eyes turned to him. His voice was quiet and dangerous. "If you have to take her, you _will_ keep her away from Demetri and you _will_ keep her away from Felix. Is that understood?"

My jaw dropped. I'd been here only three weeks, but even I knew that Jasper was _not _the leader. He was _not_ the one in charge. He was not the one who gave _anyone_ orders, never mind _Carlisle_. _No one_ gave Carlisle orders.

Everyone was silent. It was always uncomfortable when the natural order of things was tampered with.

"Of course," Carlisle said seriously. "Neither of them will get anywhere near her."

"You'd better hope so, for your sake," Jasper said just as seriously. I shifted uncomfortably. Giving orders? Alright. Threatening him? I didn't know how to react to that one. Neither did anyone else, apparently. "If I find out that they've laid one finger on her…"

He let his threat hang in the air ominously. Everyone knew the damage Jasper could do. He could take them all down. There was no stopping someone with military abilities like Jasper.

"Jasper, I swear on the name of this country that no harm will come to her while we are in Voltera," Carlisle assured him. Jasper relaxed slightly, leaning back in his chair. "I swear."

"Good."

We all sat uncomfortably for a few minutes before I'd had enough of all the tension.

"What's in Voltera?" I asked, setting down my knife and fork.

"The Volturi," Carlisle answered me.

There was silence.

"Well, is anyone going to tell me what the Volturi has to do with me?" I demanded. Carlisle looked startled; normally, no one asked questions after they'd been answered, but I didn't feel as though I had been.

"They are the people who are forcing us into this situation," he said, looking down at his clasped hands. "They are the ones who gave us the ultimatum to kill or be killed."

I ignored the blatant hint about my impending death.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You know, they might have thought of option C," I said thoughtfully. Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "The family is too big? Well, split it in half. One half lives here, one half lives there. Then there are two families of four and three. Problem solved. No big family."

"The Volturi tend to make…extravagant decisions," Carlisle answered. "Option C is too easy, too boring. They enjoy drama."

Well, then.

"Sounds like they're the dictatorship of the vampire world."

"Oh, no," Carlisle said, waving a hand. "They're very good for us vampires. If not for them, we'd all be dead. They're very good at keeping the peace."

"By killing people…"

"Well, that's just one side of it," Carlisle answered. "They also keep us hidden from humans, keep order among us, and helping our evolution."

"Your evolution?"

"Yes, things like reproduction and technology that only we can access."

"I…see," I said skeptically. "The reproduction part is where I come in?"

"Yes. Vampire breeding is something that has been studied for millennia. It's something we've never accomplished. It's proven now that it is possible, so perfecting reproduction is in the works now."

"Perfecting?"

"Yes, well, it doesn't always end well."

"No? How so?"

No one answered me.

"Come on, I can take it."

"A lot of women don't live through the birthing process."

"How many is a lot?"

"So far? All of them," Carlisle said with a sigh. "We haven't been very successful yet."

"I guess not," I said, trying and failing to hide my surprise. _No one_ had lived? Wow, I'd rather have pancreatic cancer. My chances were looking better for that one. "So I guess I'm more of an experiment than I thought."

"Yes," Carlisle answered me hesitantly. "Bella, I want to remind you that you have the ability to walk out of here whenever you want to. No one is holding you against your will."

"I know."

Edward sighed and pinched his nose in frustration.

"And, yet, you're still here," he sighed. He looked at me with the saddest eyes I'd ever seen. "You're willing to throw everything away on an experiment that probably won't work."

"Let me ask you a question," I began. All the faces gathered around the table were different. Patient (Carlisle), worried (Esme), protective (Jasper), soft/scared (Edward), determined (Alice), seemingly oblivious (Emmett), and annoyed (Rosalie). The face I was most worried about was the protective one that melted my insides daily. I was learning quickly that Jasper was going to be more important to me than Edward ever could be. "You have two alternatives. One, you can stay with people who have shown you kindness and are in need of your help, even though you know that helping them will likely kill you. Two, you go home and be accused of 'running away' and being a 'disgrace to the family', only to be wakened up after you cry yourself to sleep by someone you once trusted and loved taking advantage of you in the most invasive way possible. Which option do you choose?"

"One," Alice said quietly. Esme nodded, her eyes glistening with tears that couldn't fall. Rosalie had left the room silently halfway through option two. The boys clearly had no perspective on this one, but they knew their answers from the look in both women's eyes. Of course they chose option one.

"I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you alive," Jasper swore to me, grasping my hands gently in his. Those deep golden eyes burned right through me and I believed him without a doubt. _Of course_ Jasper would save me. _Of course_ I would be fine. If Jasper said he was going to help me, why should I have any reason to doubt him? In that instant, I knew nothing bad would ever come of Jasper being in my life. Only good could come of it.

"Okay," I said simply. "Thanks."

He smiled that slow, cowboy smile and I melted into my chair. Edward snorted at my reaction. Alice looked smugly at Jasper, who scowled back at her.

They were all insane, but that's exactly the way I loved them.


	4. Chapter 4

"Call me when you land!"

"Don't forget to brush your teeth three times a day, honey!"

"Do some shopping!"

"_Please_, call me when you land, okay?"

"She gets it, Jazz! She'll call you!"

"And keep your passport on you at all times!"

"Drink illegally! I want table dancing photos!"

"Emmett!"

"Will you all calm down? It's just a little trip! Besides, she'd just a human. There are seven billion of them in the world."

"Shut up, Rosie."

"Shop, shop, shop!"

"Call me, okay, sweetie?"

"_Jasper!_"

"Sorry, sorry – but don't forget, Bella!"

"Practice for your project with Eddie while you're over there!"

"Emmett! With who? Carlisle? Ew!"

"Carlisle, make sure she gets eight hours of sleep every night!"

"Will everyone just shut up?"

"Quiet, Rose – don't forget to call, Bells! Every night!"

"Don't forget to hit the stores, Carlisle! She's never been shopping in Europe!"

"She needs three square meals a day, remember?"

"Seriously, if you dance on a table in your underwear, you'll make the front page!"

"Stop being so vulgar, Emmett! Call me, remember?"

My head was spinning with all the frantic and excited shouts coming at me as Carlisle and I walked toward the terminal. A heard of gorgeous people were following me through the airport; I was receiving some pretty confused and worried glances. I turned around and put my hands on him hips.

"Stop!" I shouted. All six of them went silent, though only five had been speaking. They all held guilty looks on their faces. "I will brush my teeth, I will eat at every meal, I will shop, I will have my passport, I will not do anything illegal, I will not have random sex with anyone – and that includes Carlisle – and I will not dance anywhere, never mind on a table in my underwear!"

"But will you – "

"_Yes_, Jasper, I will call you," I exclaimed exasperatedly. "Every night! In the mornings, too! I might even call you at lunch! It's a week, Jasper, not a year."

"I know, but I'm going to miss you."

"Alice will distract you. And I'm sure Edward can manage to sit through some James Taylor songs while I'm gone."

"Yes, but – "

"Jazz, honey," I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled him down to my eye level. His sad, worried face almost broke my heart, but I clung to my goal. "I love you, I will be home in a week, and I am going to call you. I will set up Carlisle's web cam and talk to you via video every night, okay?"

"Okay," he said quietly. He wrapped me up in a big, soft Jasper hug and kissed my head softly. "I love you. Call me, please."

"I will."

I stepped away and Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulders, turning us to the entrance of the terminal. A cool hand grasped my elbow and yanked me around gently, but authoritatively. I looked up into Edward's petrified face.

"Be safe," he whispered, shaking slightly as he touched my cheek. "Be very, very safe."

"Don't worry, Edward," I hugged him firmly because I knew it would feel light to him even if I used all my strength. "I'll call you, too."

"Good," he sighed, bending to kiss the side of my mouth gently. He pulled away and looked like he was about to cry. He cleared his throat gruffly. "Go on, now. You've got a plane to catch."

"Yes, sir," I rolled my eyes, squeezing his wrist before letting it drop to his side. Carlisle grabbed my suitcase and his in one hand and wrapped his other around my shoulders again. We were almost through the terminal doors when we heard one more shout.

"_Please_, don't forget to call!"

I looked up at Carlisle and he looked down at me. We both smirked and shook our heads. Some things, no matter how hard you tried, just didn't change. Jasper having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was one of those things.

OoOoO

Carlisle ignored the frantic way with which I clung to his forearm as the plane ascended into the sky. It gave a little jolt and the tiniest whimper escaped my throat. Carlisle just switched the movie in our TV. I knew what he was doing. He was letting me be scared without making a big deal out of it.

Once we were on a steady, smooth flight, I was able to calm down and loosen my grip just slightly. I had a plan for this flight and for the entire trip. I wasn't going to waste a second by being afraid of a silly airplane.

"Carlisle, you're a fairly honest man," I said nonchalantly. He chuckled and looked down at me.

"What do you want, Bella?"

"I've just got a few questions."

"Fire away," he grinned. I came out of my nervous slouch enough to kiss his cheek quickly before sinking back down. He was a good second dad. He was more dad-like than Jasper (who was sort of brother/friend/father-ish), but he still came second. Jasper was my first dad.

"Am I going to die?"

"It's likely. Last week, I would have said 'yes', but then Jasper had his say. Don't underestimate him, Bella. He _will_ do everything he can to keep you alive. Legal or otherwise."

We both chuckled a little at that one. Yes, Jasper was a very determined man once he got an idea into his head.

"Is my past medical history going to matter at all?"

"No. That's the thing: our venom has healing qualities. Edward's sperm contain some of that venom, as strange as it sounds. You and the baby should be just fine. We'll work it out medically so we know the exact date that you and Edward will create your baby together. It will only require one try. Edward's sperm won't die after a few days like normal ones would. The venom keeps them alive as long as they need to be. Everything will be very easy. We could do In Vitro if you prefer."

"Does that require any metal instruments being shoved up my –"

"Yes," Carlisle said quickly before people began to stare. My question, due to my indignation, had been rather loud.

"Then, no. We'll go traditional."

"It's your choice. Edward is prepared to use whichever method you wish."

"Is it going to hurt?"

Carlisle, who was never surprised, looked surprised even for a normal person.

"How so?"

"Any way. I don't know what to expect."

"Yes, Bella, it's going to hurt. Not right away, though. The next day or two will be very sore for you."

"I've been more sore than Edward is going to make me, Carlisle," I said dryly.

"The actual act of reproduction won't hurt you. The days after will be sore. There will be a period of about two weeks before your pain will really develop. Once the fetus gets to be a certain size, it stretches. Normal babies do this, too, but they aren't as strong as a half vampire. You'll…you'll probably break bones."

"Oh," I said, surprise colouring my voice. I'd expected 'stretch pains' and 'feeling bloated', but not broken bones. _Well_, I thought, _look at the alternative_. "What if I decided not to do it?"

"We'd let you leave, of course."

"Oh."

"Is that a bad thing?" He asked carefully. I frowned. Was it?

"I don't know. I guess."

"How so?"

"I just thought maybe…never mind. It doesn't matter. I'm going to do it, anyway."

"We're very grateful, Bella. I want you to know that," Carlisle said softly. "It's very difficult for me to ask this of someone. It goes against every moral that I have."

"Well, that's just how you are. You're just too nice."

"Thank you," he smiled.

"Another thing. What if I do live?"

"If you're still alive after giving birth, we'll have to change you or let you die."

"That's pretty drastic, don't you think?"

"If we don't change you, you'll die. I don't think you realize how these children exit their mothers. If they were born normally, we wouldn't have a 100% mortality rate in mothers."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked apprehensively.

"These babies…sort of – they sort of gnaw their way out. They rip and tear and bite until they get out. We – we know the amount of time we have, though, so we're going to attempt a cesarean instead."

"How long is it?"

"Twenty nine days is the least amount of time so far. Usually, it's around thirty two We're going to do the operation on the twenty eighth day."

"Will my baby be ready by then?" It wasn't the short pregnancy that worried me, not the pain or the likelihood of death. It was the fact that my baby might not be perfect and healthy.

"Yes. Twenty eight days is equivalent to 231 days of normal pregnancy. One week short of eight months. Your baby will be fine."

"Good," I smiled to myself, picturing Edward as he held a little girl with his beautiful bronze hair and – and… "What colour were Edward's eyes? Before he changed?"

"Green."

A little girl with his beautiful bronze hair and bright green eyes. Maybe she could have my ears. I always liked my ears. Other than that, though, she was going to look like Edward. Exactly like Edward.

I leaned against Carlisle's arm, smiling to myself as I imagined my baby girl. My eyelids became heavier and heavier as time passed by and eventually Carlisle pulled me closer and wrapped me up in his cool embrace. My body heat made him warm over time and I fell asleep quite cozy.

OoOoO

Our hotel room was very nice. It was the B&B sort of hotel, with only one suite which overlooked the city. It was four rooms. The building was constructed of stone, but had wooden beams supporting doorways and ceilings. I was in love with the place.

"I know it's wrong," I said to Carlisle. "But I am so excited to be here right now."

He just laughed and helped me to unpack my belongings into the dresser beside the bed. He unpacked his in the one beside the window. He still finished before I did. After we'd unpacked, I got it into my head that I wanted to crawl out onto the roof outside my window. I stared at it for probably twenty minutes before Carlisle asked what was wrong.

"I want to go out there," I told him honestly, still staring at the little crook in the roof that would be perfect for sitting on. There was just enough room for two people. I looked at him indicatively. "Please?"

"Well…" He looked at the roof skeptically, scratching his head. I made a puppy face. "Alright, then. Just don't tell Esme I let you clamber around on rooftops."

"I _knew_ you were the fun one!" I exclaimed, hugging him tightly before practically leaping out the window. He followed me immediately, situating me in a nice, safe spot before he sat down beside me. "This is unbelievable."

"It is fun, isn't it?"

We sat and watched the sun as it sank into the sky. I curled up on his lap and fell asleep there, impatient for morning to come. It was only about two o'clock by our time, but it was eight here. My body seemed to work well with time changes.

When I awoke, I was still curled up on the rooftop, huddled into Carlisle's cool side. I blinked at the sun and smiled. I'd spent all night on the rooftop.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," Carlisle said jokingly, ruffling my hair. "Tell Esme you got nine hours tonight."

Tell Esme…oh, damn. Jasper. I forgot to call Jasper.

"Oh, no," I said. Carlisle handed me his cell phone, grinning. "Oh, my God."

"He's called eleven times," Carlisle said cheerfully. "I didn't answer. Thought I'd let him panic."

"Carlisle!" I exclaimed. That was a very un-Carlisle-like move. I dialed our home number (or just pressed the number 1 button and let the phone do all the long-distance work). It was halfway through the first ring when someone picked up.

"Hello?" An anxious voice answered immediately. "Bella? Is that you?"

"Yep."

"Oh, God! You're alive!" He cried. I could almost see him clutching the phone in his relief. "Why didn't you call?"

"I was attacked by Italian terrorists at the airport. Sorry."

"WHAT?"

"Joke, Jazz. Joke."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I love you. So much."

"Me, too, hon."

Jasper and I were very old-couple-ish. Except for the fact that he was married and in love, he was pretty much the perfect husband to me. He was nice, he made dinner, he brought me flowers when I was sad, he kissed me goodnight every night. Honestly, he was ideal. He was a great brother/dad.

"Are you coming home early?" He asked hopefully. "Because of the terrorists?"

"They shut the airport down. We have to stay a month."

"It's not funny, you know."

"Sorry, sorry. I'll be home in six days," I assured him. "Today I'm going for tests in Voltera."

"Tests? Already?"

"Carlisle wants to hurry things up."

"Oh. That's good I guess," He said sadly. "You'll be home earlier."

"Well…we're speeding things up so we can do the shopping Alice insisted upon."

There was silence on the other end. Not even the crackling sound of his breathing. I felt my own breathing get quieter and quieter as I slipping into Cullen mode. When I was talking to any of them, I was always quieter. I knew they could practically hear me thinking because they had such good hearing.

I grinned, remembering how Edward couldn't read my thoughts. It was torture for him.

"Sorry, Jazz. We can come home early if you want."

"No, it's okay," He grumbled. "I guess you deserve to do some sight-seeing."

"Not really," I reasoned. "I haven't contributed to the family at all."

"No, you're just risking your life to save ours," he said sarcastically. "No big deal. People do it all the time."

"Exactly!"

"You're insane."

We both sighed and listened for the other over the line. I missed Jasper and I'd only been gone half a day. I still had six days ahead of me!

Carlisle tapped my shoulder and I looked up. He made a clear 'we-have-to-get-going-so-hurry-up' gesture and I pouted.

"I have to go, Jasper. We're leaving for Voltera in five minutes. I haven't showered yet."

"Oh."

"I miss you."

"Me, too."

"Bye."

"Bye…" Jasper sighed, reluctantly hanging up his phone. I closed Carlisle's cell and handed it back to him.

"I'm going to shower."

"Okay. Be quick," He insisted, checking his watch again. "We can't be late for people like the Volturi."

OoOoO

I was sitting in a dark, abandoned room. I was waiting for Marcus (whoever that was) to come check me out. Apparently, I might not fit the specifications that the Volturi had set out. What the heck did they want? I was young, healthy, and willing.

I'd just come from a room where they drilled me on my knowledge of the dangers I faced. They gave me the same spiel the Cullens had, except more gruesome. It made me gag a little to see pictures of previous births, but I told them I was perfectly willing, no matter how disgusting it got.

The door burst open and I jumped as it slammed against the wall suddenly.

"Isabella," A pale man with a thick Italian accent said, rather than greeted. "Fifteen years old, orphaned, three previous pregnancies. Correct?"

"Uh, yeah." I wasn't sure if I should lie about the pregnancy thing. Would that disqualify me? I hoped not.

"Good. Open," He stuck a tongue depressor down my throat and looked around. He shone a light in my eyes and nodded to himself. That was fairly routine. Then he leaned forward, pressed his face to my neck and inhaled slowly. "Mmm. Good. Your blood is strong. That means you are very fertile."

"Gee, thanks."

"You're welcome. Pants off. Now."

"Excuse me?" I asked, sort of shocked. Marcus raised his eyebrows at me.

"It's part of the examination. I have to check for any 'female diseases' that you might have picked up from your little escapades."

"Escapades?"

"You said you've been pregnant three times? I'd say you've had your share of escapades."

"Way to win people over," I said sarcastically as I slipped off my pants. I sat back down on the plastic leather table and he pushed my feet into a pair of holders. I sat there with my legs spread wide open, curling my toes when the cold air met a very warm place. Marcus moved around the end of the table and stood between my legs, probing more gently than I'd expected. His hands were cold, like the Cullens', and it made me curl my toes again.

"How many times have you had intercourse?"

"I had a sexually abusive step-father. I have no idea."

That shut him up for a minute. He even faltered a little in his probing. I was used to it, so I didn't feel too uncomfortable.

"What are these?" He drew a cool finger in a horizontal line along the inside of my thigh. I shivered, remembering what he must be asking about.

"Those would be scars. I'd have thought you knew that."

"What from?"

"A knife."

"Why, exactly, do you have knife scars on the insides of your thighs?" Marcus asked me skeptically, leaning forward to inspect them more closely. I fought the urge to smack his hands away from my scars.

"Well, gee, I don't know. What connection do you see between a knife, skin, and scars?"

"You…cut yourself."

"Bingo," I said flatly.

"Why? Why there?"

"I take it you've never been sexually abused. It's called self-mutilation, Marcus. I did it to make myself feel better."

"How does pain make you feel better?"

"It's not so much the pain as the scars. Ugly, aren't they?"

"Yes…" He answered, still looking confused. I sighed. This was going to require explaining.

"The scars make me ugly. Ever met a pedophile or a rapist who forced themselves on an ugly woman? I didn't think so."

"You want to be ugly?"

"Yes. I'm sick of men using me like a shirt. Wear it when you want to, toss it away when you don't. I never wanted to be touched where you're touching me ever again."

"I'm sorry. It's necessary. And required again, if you're to follow through on your promise to the Cullens."

"I don't mind Edward. He's very kind. He respects the fact that my body is mine."

"I see," he said quietly. "Isabella, I'm going to need to – "

"Don't tell me, just do it."

It was very sudden. One second his fingers were moving around gently and the next they were slipped inside of me. I drew in a breath sharply. I hadn't been expecting that.

"This doesn't seem very examination-like," I said sort of angrily. Who did he think he was?

"Think again, Isabella. This is awkward, but necessary. Does this feel good?"

I tried to ignore the fact that some strange man was fondling me. And the fact that I was starting to heat up with pleasure. He continued to move his fingers within me, gently and very skillfully. I swallowed hard. There was no way I was going to give in to this.

"Isabella, I need you to tell me."

"Why?" I asked hoarsely. Marcus let out an impatient sigh.

"Some women react badly to a vampire's touch. The cold cancels out the pleasure."

"Why should that matter?"

"On those women, we've noticed that they don't become pregnant. Their bodies reject the hybrid child growing within them."

"Oh," I said, still trying to ignore his fingers as the touched a sensitive spot within me. "Well, I don't think we have that problem."

"Good, good." He smiled and slipped his fingers out. I whimpered at the loss of contact. My toes curled around the edge of the holders and I wiped my hand across my face. Now I was just frustrated! "Isabella?"

"What?" I snapped. The heat between my legs was making me very angry with him for leaving it to simmer.

"I can…finish it off, if you'd like," he said so quietly that I almost didn't hear him. "You'll have to avoid making any sound. I'm not supposed to continue beyond your answer."

"How often do you do it?" I breathed quietly, just as he'd asked.

"I haven't before."

"Alright, then. Go on."

He slipped his fingers back within me and he twirled his thumb along the bud of nerves between my legs. I bit my lip hard, stifling a moan. He slipped in and out again, curling his fingers. I tensed up and absorbed the pleasure, clamping around his fingers.

"Thanks," I breathed, panting slightly. He smiled and turned away finished with his paperwork. I pulled my pants back on and sat on the edge of the table. "Are we done?"

"Just about," he answered. We sat in silence for another two minutes. Neither of us moved. He explained almost silently, "I'm just waiting for your heart to return to normal."

"Oh."

"Okay, we're good to go."

We walked back to the waiting room, which was a good five minutes away, and entered the brightly lit room. Carlisle stood instantly, looking at me worriedly. I could only guess that some past examinations hadn't gone very well. I smiled at him reassuringly.

I hoped I had something to reassure him of.

"Everything looks to be in order." Marcus told Carlisle, who looked ecstatic. "Isabella will do well, I believe. There is no sigh of weakness anywhere. She reacts to vampire touch in the same way she would to that of a human."

"What?" Carlisle asked sharply. Not 'excuse me' or 'pardon'. 'What'. Carlisle was never that rude.

"We need to test what her reaction to intercourse with a vampire is. If she has no reaction or a negative one, she won't become pregnant. It's a part of the testing, Carlisle, surely you knew that."

"You…" I'd never seen Carlisle at a loss for words before that moment. "You – you touched her? You took advantage of her?"

"Carlisle, of course I – "

"That is sick! That is wrong! She is fifteen years old and you're off fondling her during a medical examination?" Carlisle was furious. His face was contorted into an angry scowl. "This is the last time she will ever come to this place. Don't expect us to participate in this again if Bella can't do what she needs to. I'd rather you killed us all than subject little girls to that."

"Carlisle – "

"Does she fit your specifications?"

"Yes, and – "

"Then we'll be going. We'll send notice when the baby is born," Carlisle gripped my upper arm firmly and walked quickly from the bright waiting room. He was muttering under his breath the whole way. He slammed the door behind us, leaving the Volturi in a state of stunned silence.

I stumbled along beside him, not quite sure how he expected me to keep up with him. I was running pretty much full tilt and swinging painfully in his grip every time he turned a corner. I was sure I'd have bruises around my bicep later.

Carlisle pushed me through the trap door and the climbed through it himself, exiting us from the dark hallway beneath the streets that led to the manhole on an abandoned street. He put the lid back on the entrance and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.

"Bella, I am so sorry for bringing you here," he said brokenly. I just grinned.

"It wasn't _so_ bad," I reassured him. "He was fairly polite. At least he acknowledged the fact that it was awkward."

Carlisle popped an eye to look at me wearily.

"_Polite?_" He asked incredulously. "You're okay with this as long as he was _polite_."

"Obviously I'm not going to go around promoting the cause, but it's not like I'm scarred for the rest of my existence."

"I hope not." He turned to me with a very serious expression. "Bella, please don't think that this is how we are. Please don't take Marcus to be a display of what all of us are like. We're not like him. We – our family, at the very least – respect you and your body. None of us will ever touch you against your will."

"That's because you have a very good understanding of right and wrong."

"Thank you."

"You're the first person who's been willing to let me be, Carlisle." I told him. "I think it's me who should be thanking _you_."


	5. Chapter 5

I looked at the '19 missed calls' that flashed on the screen of Carlisle's cell phone. I looked at the 'Inbox – 47' that was currently glowing on the screen of Carlisle's laptop. I looked at the three letters that had been sent FedEx. They'd arrived this morning. Cautiously, I opened the first email. It was from Alice.

_Bella,_

_Are you okay? I haven't told the boys yet. Or Esme and Rosalie. I didn't think you'd want everyone fawning over you if you were alright. _Are_ you alright?_

_Let me know, Bells. Love you._

_Alice_

Well, that wasn't so bad. It was fairly calm and rational, if not anxious. I skipped the next eleven and opened one from Jasper.

_Bella,_

_I've called nine times. Alice told me what happened. Oh, God, are you alright? Answer my calls, honey, please? I need to hear from you._

_Please, please be alright._

_I love you. I wish I could be there right now._

_I love you,_

_Jasper_

So that one was a little bit more panicked, but that was to be expected. It was Jasper; when wasn't he panicking about me? Edward's first was about six up from Jasper's.

_Bella, love,_

_Please call us back. I'm so worried that I can't even think straight. Are you okay? Are you suffering? Do you need me? I knew this was a bad idea._

_I'm going to kill Carlisle when he gets home. Jasper gave him specific instructions. He disobeyed those simple rules! Now look what happened._

_I can't imagine…after everything that's already been done to you. That's it. I'm coming over there. I'll see you tomorrow._

_Be safe,_

_Edward_

Oh, dear. We're starting to get irrational, I see. Cautiously, I opened one from Rosalie.

_Bella,_

_I understand what you're going through and I understand that it's hard, but will you please just call them back? Edward is on a plane, Jasper is tearing out his hair, Alice is getting worried – Alice doesn't get worried, Bella – and Esme and Emmett are freaking out in general. Call. Them. Back._

_Now._

_Rosalie_

Typical Rosalie. I decided to skip the rest and go straight to the phone. I pressed the speed dial for home and Jasper answered almost before it rang.

"Bella?"

"Hi, Jasper," I smiled. He panicked at the smallest things. Really, it was just an invasive examination. It wasn't like I'd been whipped and burned and eaten alive. I was still completely intact. "How are you?"

"How am I - ? Bella – you were just molested!" He screeched with a strangled voice. "I – I – I –…"

"Shhh," I soothed through the phone. His breathing was still borderline hysterical, but it was calming down slightly. "It's alright. I'm fine, Jasper. You can calm down now. See, I'm talking to you. I'm perfectly fine. Carlisle gave the Volturi a pretty good verbal beating."

"Carlisle," Jasper snarled. My adoptive father looked genuinely worried when I looked up at him. "I'm going to tear off his – "

"Too much information, Jasper. I don't need to know."

"I'm sorry. You've just been sexually assaulted and here I am talking about – damn. I'm doing it again," he sounded genuinely hateful towards himself. His teeth gritted together.

"I don't care if I've just been injected with a liter of aphrodisiacs. I don't ever want to talk about Carlisle's favourite appendage."

Carlisle made a snorting sound behind me, which was surprising. He was usually so straight laced. Well, fear makes people do strange things.

"He's not going to have one after I get a hold of him," Jasper snarled. "Honestly. One simple task – don't let Bella get molested. Is it really too much to ask? What did he do, toss you into a pit of horny teenagers?"

"Jasper, honey," I reasoned slowly, trying to calm him down. "It wasn't Carlisle's fault. He was just going through the normal procedures. The exam is a big part of that; it's only normal that he find a simple examination quite routine."

"I just…" He made a lost, sad little sound.

"Aw, come on, Jazz. Be a man. Stop wallowing."

"What?"

"You're beating yourself up about me being groped by a doctor. _I'm_ not even angry. Honestly, it's sounding like you're the one this happened to."

"I…"

"Need to stop brooding? I agree. You're sounding like Edward."

He was silent for a few long, hurt moments. There was no breathing on the other end and I would have thought he'd hung up if it wasn't for the absence of dial tone.

"Thanks, Bells," he said softly. "You're right. I'm overreacting."

"No problem. Always happy to point out flaws."

"So when Edward gets there, will you let him check you over? To make me feel better? Please? I can guarantee he's not going to molest you." He was serious, but the joke was obviously for his own comfort. He was still scared shitless. Or would be, if he ever shit.

"I really don't think I'd mind if he did," I grinned. Jasper made choking sounds and took a few moments to wheeze while he hyperventilated.

"Bells. Bella, you're just a little girl," he choked out, still gasping for breath. He sounded like he was convincing himself. "You shouldn't know about this stuff. You should be going to parties with your friends, not waiting to get knocked up by your vampire captors."

"Little girl?" I asked indignantly.

"Fifteen is not old enough to be bearing someone's child, Bella."

"Tell me something I don't know, Jasper. Tell me something I haven't finished crying about."

He was quiet.

"I can't see you crying," he said thoughtfully, sounding very far away. "Do you cry?"

"Everybody cries, Jazz," I sighed. "But I'm done crying. Shit happens. There's no point in crying about it."

"Crying helps, you know."

"Yeah, only when someone cares enough to fix the problem."

"I care, Bells. You can cry to me."

"I did, once."

"More. If you want to."

"Okay, Jazz. I have to go. I hear a ferocious pounding on the door and I think it's Edward. Carlisle is hunting right now."

"I love you."

"Bye, Jazz."

"Bye – I love you."

"Okay, bye."

"Bells, wait! I'll talk to you in the morning, okay? I love you."

"You mentioned that."

"Yeah, sorry."

"It's no problem. You're the first person to ever say it. I love you, too. That's the first time _I've_ ever said it."

"I love you."

_Bang, bang, bang!_

"Bye, Jazz." I hung up the phone and made my way to the door, opening it just as a fist came smashing down on it again, connecting with my shoulder instead of wood this time. "Ow."

"Oh, my God!" It was Edward, looking absolutely distraught. He had fingernail marks in his cheeks. His face was even more pale than usual, surprisingly. He grabbed my biceps and lifted me to the bed, setting me down on it. He instantly began to check me over. First my arms and neck, then my entire head (Alice would panic over the state of my hair), legs and feet. He looked into my eyes with a little light he had with him. He tapped on my reflexive joints and I considered faking paralysis, but decided against it. He might have a seizure.

He lifted up my shirt to check my back, frowning intensely. He poked at a few yellowed bruises and scars.

"Recent?"

"Do they look recent?"

He checked higher along my back, lifting the back of my shirt up to my shoulder blades. Very gently, he slid his fingers under the back of my bra to check for injury there. I shivered against his touch and he drew away.

"Cold?" He asked apologetically. I shook my head.

"No. Nice," I closed my eyes and let him continue with his examination of my back – I knew that part of my skin was relatively clean. He had amazingly soft fingers. I moaned and he retracted his hands instantly.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, obviously ashamed. He wasn't supposed to be touching me like that yet. None of these feelings were meant to happen yet. "I'm almost done."

"You're going to have no trouble, Edward," I whispered as he checked my ribs – this time through my shirt. I lay back on the bed so he could work over my torso. "I'm going to love every minute of making that baby."

"Don't go jumping the gun, Bella. It's unlikely, but the Volturi might let us off. If we find a suitable alternative, that is."

He pulled the side of my shorts down to look at my lower stomach. My muscles tightened excitedly. Mmm…such nice fingers.

"Ah…Bella," he almost whimpered. I could only guess the sort of look I was giving him right now. I had never _wanted_ someone before this. "This would be a lot easier if you concentrated on eating boiled eggplant or something."

"I can't think straight," I admitted. "I could do that if you stopped touching me, but right now I'm on the verge of assaulting you."

He chuckled, but it stopped abruptly as he pulled up the leg of my shorts.

Damn.

"Bella?" He asked very quietly. I bit my lip.

"Yeah?" I asked timidly, knowing what was coming next.

"What is this?"

"Um…scars?"

"Is that a question?" He asked sharply. I shook my head weakly. "Who did this to you?"

"Well, the thing is – "

"_Who?_"

"Um. I did."

He knelt in front of me and touched the scar closest to my knee. His frown deepened to the point that I thought it might be irreversible. His golden eyes were a yellowy shade of dark brown right now, so I knew he was either angry or thirsty. Edward was far too responsible to let himself get that thirsty.

"Don't be angry," I whispered. He looked up, startled. "Please don't get mad at me."

"I'm not…I'm not angry with you, Bella, I'm sad," he sighed, pressing his forehead against my knees. I grabbed a handful of his hair – it was an obsession of mine. Edward's hair is to me as coffee is to caffeine addicts. "What did you ever do? Nothing. You're just a girl whose father was killed and whose mother remarried a rapist asshole. You're just a girl whose stepfather was…was…"

"Edward, you Cullens overreact really badly. I'm fine. I'm even happy. Look, the test was important. It showed us that you," I kissed his head firmly, grinning down at his forlorn face. "Are going to rock my world. And I mean tsunami type rocking, not just a little wave or something."

I could have sworn he blushed.

"I don't know, Bella. I've never…"

"It's not about whether or not you've done it before. It's about how much of a natural you are. And Edward, you're probably the most passionate straight guy I've ever met."

"This is wrong. This is so wrong," he muttered. I'd pulled him closer so my knees closed around where his ribs ended, holding him there with my crossed feet behind him. "You're fifteen, Bella. It's just…it's so wrong."

"You're seventeen. It's not illegal."

"There's a big difference between right and legal."

"I suppose. But laws don't apply to non-humans, so how do we know that?" I asked, poking him in the shoulder. "Come on, Edward, lighten up. I know how important it is to you that the first time be very, very special. I just think you need to have _fun_, too."

"Is this Bella the abused stepdaughter talking or Bella the girl we've all come to know and love?"

"I don't know, Edward, I think we're sort of the same person."

He opened his mouth to speak, but I shushed him.

"You can't deny that it took an audience to stop you last time," I raised my eyebrows at him suggestively. "You enjoyed it."

"Enjoyed…" he laughed to himself. "I more than enjoyed myself."

"Then, come on." I leaned down and kissed him very softly. It took him about one eightieth of a second to respond. Then he was completely absorbed in something he'd experienced probably twice in his life. Kissing someone.

Something he was very good at for having done it only twice, if I was correct. He hadn't had sex before, so I assumed he'd never kissed anyone. It was extremely difficult to resist jumping Edward when he kissed you. Especially – especially when … he … does that with … his tongue …

"Oh, God," I moaned, gripping the back of his hair in a death grip. He ran his tongue along the back of my top teeth before letting it dance with mine. He gasped for unnecessary air and I breathed in his sweet breath. It smelled good. It tasted good. It _was_ good. I attacked the lovely chest that was flush against my stomach. (I was still sitting on the bed in front of a kneeling Edward).

"Damn," he hissed. He made a fist around a handful of my clothes. He gave the handfuls of my shirt a look that clearly stated he had strong, homicidal feelings for my clothing. "Damn it, I shouldn't."

"Says who?" I asked, brushing my nose up his neck to kiss along his jaw.

"Jasper, Carlisle, myself, my conscience, most morally correct men."

"Only two of those things are here, Edward, and I am very attracted to them." I reclaimed his lips and tugged on the bottom one with a sharp bite. He grinned against my teeth and pulled me tighter. "And I want to know them."

"Do you?" He rumbled. Damn it, I liked the way he held my ass in his hands. I liked the way he pulled me closer to press against his stomach. I liked the way he held onto me possessively, yet respectfully. It was sexy and sweet at the same time. "Because you might not like them."

"I already do."

"Yeah? What do you know?"

"I know that you're an obsessive control freak, who was only obsessive about me because my mind is blank to him. I know that you loved music in the fifties and sixties best, but you also harbour a secret love of eighties Broadway tunes. You were born into a time where sex was something you didn't even know about until you were married, so this is a very uncomfortable and thrilling situation for you to be in. I know that you are one of the world's most sincere, compassionate people and you are prepared to stop at nothing to save a total stranger from dying."

Edward said nothing. He looked angry, as a matter of fact. He looked like I had just completely destroyed his self-accused horribleness. I had uncovered something that he really, desperately didn't want to look at.

"'Obsessive' and 'control freak' aren't usually words used to describe wholesome people. Neither is the fact that I took interest in you because of what you could do, not who you were. As for the music, that just shows that I'm a liar. Also, that it's very possible that I'm gay – which I'm not, so don't ask. Seeing as sex is supposed to be sacred and absolutely _not_ done without a marriage certificate in hand, don't you find it strange that I have no problem in fondling you shamelessly? I am not sincere and I am not compassionate. You want to know what I didn't stop at to save someone? I didn't stop when saving one person meant killing another. I sought that out. I looked for it. Tell me that's compassionate and I'll tell you it's hypocritical."

"You're a good person," I argued. He made a growling sound. "What other vampire would make it their life goal to save my life after endangering it? Hmm?"

"I'm a good vampire, then. There's a big difference between that and a good person."

I smacked him across the face and tried not to laugh at his shocked expression. I was making a point, here.

"Will you shut up? Nobody cares about Edward Cullen's Pity Party! Nobody it going to come to it! You know why? Because the host pisses them off."

He continued to stare in shock. He touched his cheek, looking confused.

"Get a grip, Edward. You need to hurry up with the realization that – surprise! – people _do_ like you. You fucked up. That's really too bad because we all know that you're the first person in history to _ever_ do that. Don't blame yourself for things that are outside of your control. Yes, I might die. Yes, you want to have sex out of wedlock. Yes, you've killed people. And yes, you're a control freak! It's not your fault. It's the way you are and it's not going to change. You have no control over it.

"I am necessary to save your family. That's the Volturi's fault. You want to screw me because I know how to make you want to. That's my fault. People have died at your hands because of what you are. That's Carlisle's fault. Or whoever came down with the Spanish Flu first. You're a control freak. That's just human nature. Get. Over. It."

"I want to be better than I am," Edward said angrily. "There, I said it. Do you feel better?"

"That's not something to be angry about, Edward. Small children in Africa starving to death is something to be angry about. Women's rights in Saudi Arabia is something to be angry about. Not liking who you are is something to get over. Nobody likes who they are." I looked at him, suddenly not annoyed with him at all. I understood what he was going through – I'd been there. I _was_ there. I was just telling him what I needed to be told. "If I was Edward Cullen, I would love who I was."

"Would you?"

"Yes. I would." And I wasn't even lying. He was a wonderful person.

"If I were you, I'd be a very vengeful person," he said sadly. "But you're not. You're perfectly happy to roll in whatever shit life throws at you. You're _happy_."

"Yes, I am," I told him. _Mostly_. "Because I have come to terms with myself."

"I haven't."

"I know that. We wouldn't be having this talk if you had."

"Why haven't I?"

"Well," I said. He looked at me with the biggest, saddest eyes I'd ever seen. "I don't think you've ever honestly tried to. All you can think of are the things you left behind. Your mortality, normal person food, family, friends, and the ability to grow old with the person you love. What you haven't noticed, though, are the things that you gained. A new family, new friends, an unlimited supply of food, and the ability to live forever with the person you love. It's not all bad, is it?"

"No. I guess not," he sighed. "Except that life is basically interchangeable with love. I don't have that person to love forever, do I? It's all I ever wanted."

"You'll find her someday. Heck, you've got the rest of eternity!"

"You're a smart kid." Edward told me, resting his cheek on my heart. "I like you."

"Well, I like you, too."

AN: So, I've mastered the art of just ending chapters whenever the hell I feel like it, regardless of the fact that I may be in the middle of a scene…I hate conclusions! There, I said it. Sue me!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Just thought I would let everyone know that this story is finished and I will be posting a chapter pretty well every day. So you don't have to wait forever on this one!

Edward and I were still sitting at the end of the bed, all tangled up with each other, when Carlisle got back. He took one look at the 'shhh' look on my face and headed for the balcony. Of course, Edward heard him thinking and registered that another person was around. He pulled away and rested his hands on my knees, frowning.

"You _are_ happy now, right?" He asked softly. I nodded. "Your legs – that happened a long time ago, right?"

"I haven't done anything for six months. I gave up. It wasn't working."

"No more – no more of that sort of thing, okay? If you need help, you just have to ask."

"Okay."

He hugged me tightly and kissed my head. We spent a few minutes his hands on my knees and my hands on his hands. I crossed my arms and a few tears collected in my eyes for no reason that I was aware of.

"I miss Jasper," I muttered, sniffling. Edward looked shocked and scared. I was a crying woman and he was a man. It was just normal.

"Um…don't cry, Bells. It's okay."

"I want to go home now," I said tearfully. I don't know what brought on my little sob fest, but I was suddenly unbelievably emotional. "I need to see Jasper."

"Why?"

"Because I miss him!" I exclaimed, and suddenly I was angry. Edward took a step back in fright. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I so emotional?

My face drained of all colour. I counted. My face grew even whiter.

"Bella? Bella, are you okay?" Edward asked, but I was too preoccupied recounting to answer him. "Honey?"

I was vaguely aware of Carlisle joining Edward at my side, but I continued to ignore their calls. I was panicking.

"Bella, listen to me. Can you hear what I'm saying?" _Carlisle_.

"Shut up," I said faintly. "You shouldn't bother pregnant women."

"Pr – what?" Edward asked, stunned. "You're – how do you – ?"

"I'm emotional. I threw up my breakfast this morning. I haven't had my period in forty seven days."

"Oh, God," Carlisle said, shaking his head. "This is insane."

"Thanks, Tips," I said faintly. "I just don't understand. How could this have happened?"

"Well, Bella, when a man and a woman – " Edward started off childishly.

"Shut up." I snapped. "Go back to brooding. I liked you better that way."

"I'm sorry. That was childish."

"Yes, it was."

"I don't understand, either, Edward," Carlisle told both of us. "Bella hasn't been out of our site since Jasper brought her home. She hasn't even left the yard."

"Did anyone come _into_ the yard?" Edward asked, looking paler than usual. "I mean, it's possible that she had sex without leaving."

"I'm right here," I pointed out. "And I haven't had sex since I came to live with you."

"And before that?"

"Well…" I looked down at my hands. I didn't want to tell them this. I didn't need the world to know about all my stupid problems. My issues and bad luck were mine; the Cullens didn't have to deal with them.

"Damn it," Carlisle muttered under his breath. "Now we have a total of zero good options."

"I didn't mean to," I said defensively. "I get that this inconveniences you, but could you take a minute to realize that it's not my fault?"

"I'm not being accusatory, Bella, but who else's could it be?"

"Jack's, TJ's, Jaime's, Phil's, John's, Garret's, Dylan's, Adam's, Matt's. I have no idea."

"That's quite the list," Edward said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I had no idea you had so many 'friends'."

"I have one friend. Cindy Wilkinson," I said. My voice was shaking with anger. How could they assume this? When had I given them any hint that I wanted all of this to happen? "And a dog names Zeus. Unless you think that one of them had a hand in this, I'm going to take what you just said as an insult."

"Bella, I didn't mean – "

"That's just it. You did mean it." I stomped my foot to prove my point. Edward looked ashamed. Carlisle just looked impatient.

"Can we move past the denial stage a little quicker? We have to come up with a plan."

"Excuse me?"

"Are you keeping it? Are you aborting it? How much are you willing to give up to stay alive?" Carlisle asked me. I stared in astonishment.

"Have you been watching _House_?" I asked. "Because you're sounding a lot like the manipulative bastard."

"No, I haven't. I'm just a little annoyed that you didn't think to tell us that you might be pregnant. I'm just a little _surprised_ that you've been so free with yourself."

"I'm a freaking sexual abuse victim and you're calling me 'free'?" I asked. My fingers curled into fists. Carlisle dropped the folder he was holding onto the bed.

"Are you always going to pull the abuse card? It's a good way to get out of looking like one of those loose girls, isn't it?" He snapped. I let out a little screech of rage.

"Forty one days ago!" I shouted, practically screaming in his face. "That entire list of 'friends' – all fucking nine of them – strapped me to my own bed and cut nice little designs into my skin. They shoved whatever the hell the wanted inside of me, including every one of their goddamn dicks. Nobody heard me screaming – you know why? I couldn't because while one was groping me more invasively than that fucking Volturi doctor, somebody else had some disgusting body part shoved in my mouth. I stopped struggling after a few hours because every time I did, I received a nice little zap with a _cow prod_. Dignifying, don't you think? But sitting still wasn't good enough for them. I was 'unresponsive' and they didn't like that. No, I got to be the lucky girl who received a few nice volts of electricity straight to my vagina. That ought to have wakened me up, don't you think? Except I passed out from the pain. When I woke up, I was all alone and bleeding from every surface of my body. You think the scars on my legs were bad, Edward? You should see what you find a little higher up. Don't you dare blame me for thinking I wouldn't be _able_ to be pregnant."

Nobody said anything. In fact, I think there might have been less silence on Remembrance Day in Canada. I just stared at their blank face and they stared back at me.

I dropped to the floor and burst into tears.

I was done screaming. Apparently I wasn't done crying.

Edward reached for my shoulder and I curled away. I whispered, "Don't touch me."

"Bella – "

"_Don't_ talk to me," I hissed. "Do whatever you want but do _not_ talk to me."

"I want to – "

"_Don't_. Please," I begged. I didn't want to hear what they had to say. It couldn't possibly be what I wanted to hear. They might treat me just like they had been ten minutes ago, which would just be a slap in the face. They might treat me like a broken little girl, which would just make me cry more. They might apologize and apologize, but I knew that they were apologizing to a girl who'd been raped. They weren't saying anything more to _me_. I was no longer the Bella they'd come to know and love. I was the abused girl again. Something breakable.

"Take her home, Edward," Carlisle said quietly to his son. "I'm going to stay here and work things out."

"What needs to be worked out?" Edward asked angrily. "We'll find someone else."

"I need to speak with the Volturi. They wouldn't have checked for this, it's no wonder they missed it. We'll need a new girl. They need to be aware of our new plan."

And the new plan didn't involve me. I was going back to Phil's, wasn't I?

OoOoO

The plane ride home was silent. The car ride from the airport was silent. They walk to the house from the car was silent. I didn't speak and Edward gave up after an hour or two of useless, obviously small-talk-creating questions.

I walked in the door and collapsed into Jasper's arms. I hadn't called him for two days. I felt so horrible, but I hadn't been able to so much as open my mouth since my breakdown in Italy. He caught me without hesitation and scooped me into his arms. He took me upstairs and lay with me until I fell asleep.

I slept, but not for long. I heard him shouting at the top of his lungs and could only assume that he'd gotten the chance to speak with Edward 'privately'. I felt Alice sit on the end of my bed sometime in the middle of their fight, but I pretended to be asleep and she let me for once.

Carlisle returned three days later and I still hadn't left the bed except to throw up or drink a glass of water. There was a constant tray of food beside my bed with a constantly refreshed display of food on it, but I couldn't touch it. Carlisle visited my room once and talked nonstop for an hour. I didn't respond in any way because I knew my input wouldn't matter whatsoever.

All I knew was that I'd be going back to Phil's as soon as I was feeling better. I figured that, at this rate, I'd be here forever. He said that Emmett was currently monitoring another woman – this time a girl from Seattle. He'd taken blood while she slept, and discovered that she was not pregnant. At least they were taking precautions this time. She was twenty two years old and from a model family: two parents, a brother, and a golden retriever. They had an average income of one hundred and fifty thousand dollars per year and lived in a three-year-old brick house in the suburbs. The ideal candidate. What could be screwed up in her life?

Esme spent a lot of time in my room when she thought I was asleep. She ran her fingers through my hair and kissed my head frequently. At one point, she pressed her ear against my stomach to hear the baby. She and Rosalie spent a lot of time touching my stomach. Mostly, Edward and Carlisle left me alone. They'd moved on to the girl from Seattle already.

I spent the next six days living on water and occasionally eating an apple or a piece of the expensive bread that was always in my room. One day, the seventh day, I stood up. I had a massive head rush and had to sit back down. I waited until it passed and walked to the door. I opened it silently – silently to me, at least – and walked downstairs.

I was met by Alice at the bottom, smiling at me kindly.

"Hello, Bella," she said in her regular, cheerful voice. "Esme's just made muffins."

I smiled back and followed her quietly into the kitchen. Esme was indeed just pulling a tray of blueberry muffins out of the oven. Despite my aching stomach, I felt sick at the smell. I'd forgotten the horrors of pregnancy.

"Bella, honey!" Esme exclaimed, setting down the muffin tray – which she'd been holding with her bare hands. "You're up."

I nodded weakly. She set a muffin in front of me and warned that it would be hot. I picked at it absently, staring at the space of table across from me where Edward always sat when I ate. He wasn't there.

"The boys out stalking?" I asked offhandedly. Esme looked very awkwardly at me. She opened her mouth cautiously to speak. "Never mind."

"Jasper's here," Alice said in a quieter than usual voice. As if on cue, he walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, Bells," he said, kissing my head. I leaned into him and sighed. "Are you feeling better?"

"No."

He sighed in return.

"I love you," he whispered, wrapping me up in a tight hug. "So much."

"Me, too, Jazz. Well, not me. I love _you_."

I leaned against him for a while before he spoke again.

"Amanda. That's her name."

The Seattle Girl.

"Oh."

"I don't like her."

"Neither do I. Life is crappy."

"I'm beginning to think you're right on this one, Bells."

"Well, I figured it out a long time ago. It's not always so depressing."

Rosalie walked into the kitchen, likely in search of Alice, and stopped.

"Hello, Bella." It was the first time she'd spoken to me civilly.

"Hello, Rose."

"How – how are you?"

"Great."

"Oh, um…that's good," she said, flustered, before walking out of the room.

"That was weird," I muttered. Jasper rubbed my arm.

"She's worried about you and doesn't want to ask. The same thing happened to her, except Carlisle found her and changed her. She's spent a lot of time wishing he hadn't. now that you're here, she's wondering if she still wishes that."

"Does she remember it?"

"Yes."

"Then he should have let her die."

"Bells," he said softly. "Don't talk like that."

"Fine," I said tonelessly. "When am I going back?"

"To where?"

"Phil's," I said. "When am I going back to Phil's?"

"Of course you're not going back there."

"Carlisle told me that I'd be going back as soon as I was feeling better. I'm up, I'm eating. I'm talking. Looks like I'm better enough."

"He said…" Jasper looked away, trailing off. His face contorted angrily. "He's sending you back?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but you're not in charge here."

"You're not going back."

"I don't have a choice. I can go back and promise to keep quiet or I can have one of you kill me. Personally, I'm pro-life and I don't think dying is going to keep my baby alive."

"You can stay here."

"No, Jasper, I can't. Besides…maybe it's not so bad. I mean, I lived there for fifteen years, didn't I? Maybe the extent of the bad stuff was just in my head."

"Oh, that baby in your uterus is just a hallucination?" Jasper asked incredulously. "I'm not sending you back. End of story."

"We'll see what Carlisle has to say."

"Fine."

We watched a movie together – we started Moulin Rouge until we found out what it was about, then we changed it to The Sound of Music because Jasper had a mental breakdown – and I had some popcorn. We waited tensely for the boys to get home from stalking Amanda the Seattle Girl.

The door opened and Jasper actually flinched.

"Hello, family!" Emmett boomed, stomping his boots loudly as usual. "We have returned from the Great White North!"

(Which was really just Seattle.)

"Bella's up," Esme said stonily. Emmett ceased his booming.

"Boo?" He called hopefully.

"In here, Emmett."

He came running in and clobbered me with a typical, Emmett hug.

"How you doin', sista?"

"Great. All ready to go back to Phil's."

"Tonight?" He sounded alarmed. "We don't even have a goodbye party planned!"

"Good," I said firmly. "All the more reason to go quickly."

Carlisle and Edward appeared in the doorway, looking very uncomfortable. Edward's hands were stuffed into his pockets firmly. Carlisle had his arms crossed awkwardly.

"Boys," I acknowledged them. They both nodded. "Who's taking me back?"

"I will," Edward said neutrally. "Jasper can come, too."

"Okay. Ready?" I stood up and had to hold my pants. They'd gotten too loose over the last week and a half. I took a step and Jasper caught my hand.

"Tonight?"

"Yes. Tonight."

"Why?"

"Well, if I'm not wrong, there is a reason that Edward looks so anxious and Carlisle seems to be shifting from foot to foot like a human, not a vampire. Judging by the three times that they've checked their watches in the last five minutes, I'm guessing that they're going to get Amanda tonight. Layover might be awkward, don't you think? I mean, look at _me_. I'm not much of an encouragement for her," I said, looking down at myself. Bruised, scarred, and dramatically underweight. Not the greatest thing for the new girl to see. "If I go now, she won't have to see me. Also, it will give her some time to adjust before she meets Edward. He's a bit of a shock at first."

Edward looked away angrily.

"Let's get this show on the road," I said, pulling on Jasper's arm. He stood up and placed a hand on my back. "Do I get to ride up front this time?"

"Bella, I'm sorry," Jasper blurted out. He took my face in his hands and looked at me pleadingly. "I didn't mean for all of this to happen. I thought you'd just be some girl that got us out of a tight spot. I didn't count of growing to love you like this. I didn't count on you getting hurt even more. I didn't think that my family could be so heartless. I'm sorry. I should never have taken you away."

"Aw, Jasper," I said, remarkably teary-eyed from his little speech. "I'm glad you did. I've spent a month and a half away from Phil and all his criminal friends. A month of that was absolutely amazing. I made a real friend with Alice. I got to have a real dad for a while. I sort of even had a family for a bit. Having you here was like having my dad back. Having Esme around was like having mom back, too. I've never had siblings before. It was great. As for Edward, over there, he's the only guy in the world whom I didn't think of as family that actually treated me with an ounce of respect. Even if it was only for a little while."

"I don't want you to go back," he said shakily. "Please don't go back."

"I have no other choice," I told him firmly. "Besides, I've outstayed my welcome here."

"You haven't."

"Jasper," Carlisle said softly. "She's of no use to us now. We can't keep her as a pet, son, you know that."

"We can't just send her back!" Jasper exclaimed, looking around with wide eyes. "You can't honestly take her back there!"

"We can, Jasper, and we are. Let's go," Edward said firmly. I took Jasper's hand and tugged until he followed me blankly. I had a feeling that he wasn't entirely there at the moment.

We were walking towards the car when something occurred to me.

"It's September 13th," I said, scratching my head. For some reason, this knowledge felt sadder than usual. I'd lulled myself into believing that this birthday might be different, somehow, now that I was with the Cullens. No such luck.

"So?"

"No reason. It's just sort of ironic," I said, shrugging my shoulders and preparing to face Phil once again.

We drove for what seemed like two minutes but was actually two hours. Jasper didn't relinquish my hand until I was pushing him out of the vehicle in Phil's driveway. I literally had to shove him out of the truck. He put an arm around my shoulders and walked me to the door. Edward stood on my other side, looking much more ill at ease.

He knocked and I heard Phil bumping around inside, probably drunk. The door swung open and my step-father staggered out, looking absolutely wrecked. He'd probably been high two hours ago. Jasper's arm tightened around my shoulder.

"Hello?" Phil asked rudely, looking at Edward as though her were gum on the bottom of his shoe. "What do you fuckin' pretty boys want?"

"We, um, found your daughter, Mr. Dwyer," Edward said, suddenly sounding unsure. Phil's eye darted over to me for a second. "We're just returning her."

Phil sneered at me for a moment before his hand darted out and clamped around my bicep. He dragged me into the house roughly.

"Fucking whore can't keep her legs closed for two minutes." Phil muttered, though I heard it. Edward and Jasper obviously heard it, too, because they both stiffened. Jasper made a move to step toward me, but Edward elbowed him pointedly. "Well, thanks, I guess. God only fuckin' knows what she's been getting into. Right loose, she is."

"Now, you listen – " Jasper snarled. Edward shoved him again. Both boys glowered at each other.

"You shut up," Edward said firmly. He turned back to Phil. "I hope you keep good care of her."

"Oh, I will," Phil grinned evilly. "I'll treat her like a right princess."

"I bet you will," Jasper muttered angrily.

"What's that, boy?" Phil asked like someone had pissed on his tree. "You think I can't be good to my own kid?"

"Nothing. I said nothing."

"You know, boy, there are some things that a man has to do to keep his daughter in line. I'll be willing to bet that you've never had to do that, have you? I tell you, son, when you've got a girl as a perky little ass and fun bags like my little girl's, you'll understand." Phil's words were making Jasper's blood boil and it was obvious. "Now you just run along and let me get back to treating my daughter like a princess."

Edward dragged Jasper away from the door, literally.

"Goodbye, Bella. I'm sorry. Remember that I – " But Phil slammed the door shut before he could finish his sentence.

_Jasper._

OoOoO

Edward

I dragged Jasper toward the truck, trying to force him to turn away from the house. He was breathing heavily and struggling for pretty much all he was worth. I knew the only thing holding him back was the knowledge that if he spilled Phil's blood, he would turn on Bella and kill her, too.

I concentrated very hard on only Jasper's thoughts. I couldn't bear to look into her step-father's mind. It was too haunting. I couldn't know what he had planned for her. It made my heart ache.

There was a loud thumping noise followed by a scream. A terrified, tortured scream. There was more thumping, whacking, and screaming. I had Jasper on the ground now, holding him down as he struggled toward the door. I wrestled with him, but he continued to fight back.

"Let me go!" He screamed. "Let me go back! He's hurting her! _He's hurting her!_"

"Jasper, we can't!" I shouted above his screams. _Edward…let me…I need to get back…I need to help her…he's touching her! Let me help her…please…_

"You little bitch!" Phil's voice was audible through the thin front door. "You think those boys are going to fuck some ugly bitch like you? I'll show you fucking!"

"No! _No!_" Bella was sobbing and obviously struggling from the banging sounds. There was the meaty sound of flesh on flesh and another scream. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Please!"

"Open up, you fucking whore!"

Bella's screams were mixing with Jasper's.

"He's touching her! For fuck's sake, Edward, let me go!"

He punched me directly across the jaw. I held his hands tightly and dragged him back to the truck.

"_NO!_" He screamed. He tore at my hands and screamed. "Let me go!"

"Jasper, we can't. We can't."

I held him in a headlock the entire way home. By the time we reached our house, the entire interior of the truck was smashed to bits from his struggling. I'd nearly run off the road a dozen times. I spent the entire trip holding onto him and sobbing.

_Bella. Oh, God, Bella._


	7. Chapter 7

AN: I thought I would reward people with a second chapter today because of the uproar over Chapter 6. Sorry, guys, it had to happen! The Cullens are in a kill or be killed situation - they CANNOT allow Bella to stay with them right now because that would mean expanding their family, which is what got them into this mess. Enjoy Chapter 7!

I sat slumped against the bedroom door that had once housed a small home for the Bella I loved with my entire heart. It was as empty as my soul right now. In my heart, I knew Bella was still alive. I knew she was out there because I could feel a pull toward her, one that I forced myself to ignore every day. For my family's sake, I could never go back for her.

It had been two months. Two months since I saw her smiling face, smelled her cherry blossom scent, and felt the warmth of her arms around my neck when she hugged me. A part of me died with every moment that passed.

"Jasper," Alice's voice was soft. She knew me well enough to understand that I couldn't handle anything more than basic communication right now. "You know what Bella means to you, I know you do. You can't deny it anymore. It's killing you. You have to go back for her."

My pain was worth the survival of my family. This sacrifice was one I would bear for eternity if it meant Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, Edward, and Alice could live on. I could suffer for them.

I just didn't know how much longer I could ignore the fact that Bella was suffering, too.

OoOoO

I spent the next four months being about one degree away from being a vegetable. I ate. I slept. I endured my step-father. I went pee. I miscarried. Again.

I was just sitting on the end of my bed, missing Jasper and Alice and Esme, when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I jumped. It happened again, only more painful. I leapt up, horrified, and ran to the bathroom. I yanked down my pants and burst into tears. There it was – enormous amounts of blood just running down my leg. I waited on the toilet for an hour before I could manage to stand up.

It wasn't like I hadn't expected it. I had. After all, how many blows to the stomach can a pregnant woman endure before she finally breaks? Before she loses that glorious piece of life within her.

But I still cried. I cried for my baby and I cried for Jasper. I cried for Alice and Esme. I cried for Amanda the Seattle Girl, whose body had turned up just last week. I guess she hadn't been able to handle it. Then I cried for the Cullens because they were probably dead now. Amanda had failed. Edward was no longer able to reproduce. They had no chance.

Then I cried because I realized I had absolutely no family left.

I cleaned myself off and walked back to my room. I flipped through stations on the radio I'd taken from Phil's room for the day – he was out with his friends – and finally settled on an old country station. Fire and Rain played and I burst into tears again.

I cried all of two times in those four months and I spent probably 1248 hours in pain. About eighty seven percent of the time. The other 129 hours, I spent asleep. I didn't sleep much. A few hours a night.

Phil came bursting in the door downstairs and I raced to put his radio back before he came upstairs. I plugged it in and recent the time and station before he had hung up his jacket – or thrown it on the couch, at least. I made my way downstairs to greet him. He hated it when I didn't welcome him home.

"Hello, Dad. How was fishing today?"

"I ask the questions around here, you good-for-nothing waste of skin," he grunted. I took it in stride – I'd heard it all before. "What'd you do today? Spread 'em for the paper boy?"

"No, sir. I made dinner and did laundry."

"Get the table set," he ordered. "And what about those boys? They ones who dropped you off?"

"What about them?"

"Why haven't they come back? That blond one – he seemed pretty nosy."

"Not nosy, just worried," I said. "But he won't come back."

"How do you know that? How do you know anything?"

"I know that they don't care. Why do you think they brought me back?"

"Don't smart mouth me, young lady."

"I'm sorry."

"That dark haired one," Phil said, disgust lacing his tone. "Couldn't keep his eyes off you. Disgusting pig."

"He was just worried, Dad. He found me all alone on the streets."

"Ain't no reason to go stalking little girls."

"I know," I answered. There was no use trying to talk Phil out of things. "No reason at all. Supper's ready."

"What is it?"

"Mashed potatoes and pot roast. I made corn, as well."

"Fine," he said gruffly, sitting down. "But tomorrow make something with less vegetables."

"I will."

"You know, I don't like the look those boys were giving you. I think we should call 'em in. Nobody touches my little girl 'xcept me."

"We don't know their names."

"You do. Not last, but how many of 'em can there be?"

"I think they're dead, actually."

That shut him up. He didn't care if he didn't have to deal with it.

"Guess that's alright," Phil said, shoveling down the dinner I'd spent two hours on. "Go get dressed in somethin' nice. Somethin' little."

"Yes, sir."

I went upstairs and got dressed in one of the dark red sets of lingerie that Phil owned. I brushed my hair and tried to ignore the gnawing hunger in my stomach that screamed how I hadn't been able to eat dinner again. I brushed on the grey eye make-up and red lipstick that Phil always insisted upon.

He came stomping up the stairs and burst in through the door of my room. I was thrown onto the bed and attacked. Pinched, slapped, punched, invaded. I tried not to scream, but it hurt and I was scared. I was always scared. It always hurt.

"Shut up," Phil grunted. "You want the neighbors to hear you?"

"No," I whimpered. He slammed into me mercilessly and I cowered away from the feeling of him inside of me. I didn't like it. It felt dirty, distasteful. "I don't."

But I did. So badly. I wanted them to hear and come to check. I wanted them to catch him and take him away from me. I wanted them to send me back to Jasper and let me have my family. I wanted them to send me to someone who cared.

But Jasper didn't care. He never came back. If he cared at all, he'd have come back to get me. He didn't. He stayed away.

I was the only one left in this world who gave a damn about what happened.

My dog was dead. Phil had shot him. Cindy had moved away halfway through my disappearance period. She lived in Canada now. I couldn't even get an address because I didn't know anyone who knew them. She called once, apparently, but Phil told her I was dead. She didn't call again.

Nobody bothered to check up on me, but it didn't matter. There was nothing anyone could do.

The four months after that passed even more slowly. I received no news about the Cullens. I was left to assume that they were dead. I killed them. If only I hadn't been knocked up. If only I'd aborted the child that was destined to die anyway.

I was sixteen now. No one had noticed, of course, and I'd dropped out of school to get a job. Phil's drinking had escalated and we were running severely short on money. I worked full time at a restaurant now and part-time at a clothing store. I managed to bring home dinner most nights and my clothes were even cheaper now. I could afford to buy a new shirt here and there.

Things were just smoothing over into a routine of _work, eat, rape, and sleep_ when it happened again. Phil had another party. One just like the one two weeks before the Cullens took me. One with all his friends and plenty of cocaine, heroin, and whisky. The first guy showed up – Jack – and I felt my entire world shatter again. The rest would be coming. Jack didn't come unless there was a party.

They poured in after that. All the original ones, with a few new faces. Eleven all together. The clock struck 1am and I found myself being dragged down the stairs to the kitchen, where they held me down on the table and each one of them took their turn screwing me. They stood me up and two took a turn at the same time. I couldn't stop those screams. It hurt and it scared me. I lay on the table when they'd finished leaving their signatures on my skin with knives. I stared at the ceiling and cried silently.

OoOoO

"Carlisle?" A little voice asked from upstairs. I looked up the stairwell to see Jasper standing up there, looking absolutely heartbroken. "Do you think I could go see Bella? I just…it's been eight months. She – she might have had her baby. I just want to see her. Just once."

"Jasper," I said sadly. After the four times we'd failed in the last eight months, I was beginning to wonder if I'd made the right choice sending Bella back to her home. I missed that girl like I hadn't believed possible.

"Please, Carlisle. Once. That's all I'm asking," he begged. The look on his face was so much like the one I'd seen him wear constantly for most of the last year – utterly lost. "She's a daughter to me. I need to see if she's alright."

"Of course, Jasper. You can go tonight. Don't mention it to the others."

"Thank you," he whispered. I didn't miss the half sob as he exited the house to run to Bella's home.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I whispered as he ran west. "I'm so sorry."

OoOoO

I lay on the table still, staring at the ceiling. I was freezing, but the cuts stung and the bruises ached more than the cold. There was a raw, throbbing pain between my legs that kept my eyes closed firmly. Every inch of me was in pain.

The door burst open and I scrambled away lifelessly. I could barely muster the energy to register that it was going to happen all over again. Twice, in one night.

"Oh, God," a voice breathed. I began to hyperventilate. 'Oh, god'? Did that mean they liked what they saw? Were they going to do unspeakable things to me, too? "Bella?"

Just like that, my entire world fell back into place.

"Jasper," I said through swollen lips. His cold hand pressed against my throbbing eye. "Thanks, Jazz."

"No problem," he said weakly. "Are you – are you fully conscious?"

"Unfortunately."

"Where are they?"

"Who?"

"The men who did this to you. Where did they go?"

"To the basement. They're _reenergizing_," I said hoarsely. Jasper was gone in a flash, but back within five minutes. My heart never stopped panicking until he returned, seemingly unharmed. "You okay?"

"Fine. Are you?"

"'S not so bad."

"Come on, honey." He lifted me up into a sitting position and I cringed when the deep carvings in my skin pulled and slid.

"Oh, this is so gross," I said deliriously.

"Do you have clothes?" He asked me distractedly. I opened my eyes to see him trying to hold a cut together on my stomach. I waved his hands away and pressed my palm over it, wincing.

"Upstairs. First room on the right. Top drawer."

He returned in eight seconds with clothes, gauze, and tape in hand along with an industrial sized Polysporin.

"Let's get you cleaned up," he said, twisting off the Polysporin lid. He dabbed a few gobs of it onto Garret's signature. He opened the package of gauze and laid it onto the cut gently, pressing it down with the bandage tape. He did the same on the other eleven signatures. He slid my arms into a loose sweater and helped me slip on a pair of underwear. He pulled my pants up and buttoned them, cursing to himself when I hissed with pain. "You ready to go?"

"Do I have to walk?"

"No. I gotcha." He lifted me up easily and cradled me against his chest. "Comfy?"

"Sort of."

"That's all that can be expected, I guess. You wouldn't be comfy on a feather bed right now."

"It's unlikely," I admitted, curling into his chest. It was so nice to be near him again. I was stinging from the cuts, aching from bruises, and throbbing where they'd shocked me. I was still twitching nervously from time to time. "I love you, Jazz."

"I love you, too, Bells."

"I think I'll just marry you and then they can't send me back."

"They won't send you back again," he said firmly. "If they do, I'm leaving them and you and I will get a nice place in the middle of nowhere where nobody can find us. How's that sound?"

"What about Alice?"

"Alice, too, if you want."

"Great," I said faintly. "Can I sleep now? Or do we have to pick out curtains first?"

"You can sleep now," he chuckled weakly, kissing my head. "We'll be home in ten minutes."

"Ten…it takes two hours."

"Not by foot. At least, not by _my_ foot," he laughed, holding me tighter. "Sleep, darling."

"'Kay," I said sleepily. "Wake me up when we get there."

"You bet."

"Night."

"Night."

OoOoO

"Carlisle!" Jasper called from the front of the house, sounding near hysterics. I looked up from my book in the general direction of the front door. "Get your medical bag."

My medical bag? What could possibly – oh. Oh, dear. Oh, no, no, no. This was terrible. This was … not what I'd been expecting when he went to see her.

"I'll be right there. Get her to Edward's room and on the bed."

All three of the girls came running from upstairs, meeting me on my way to the closet. Their worried faces only made me move faster.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked with wide eyes.

"Bella, I think. Jasper's brought her here."

"What?"

"He went to see her tonight. I'm not sure, but I think she's either having trouble with the delivery or it went very wrong and Jasper found her."

"Oh…" Esme put a hand over her lips. "My poor baby."

"Excuse me, girls. I've got to see what's wrong."

"Carlisle? Can we see her?"

"No, Rose. Not yet."

I left them there.

"Jasper, is she there?"

"Yeah. I taped her up, but…"

I walked into the room and had to stop breathing.

"God, Jasper, how much blood is there?" I asked, shocked.

"A lot," he answered, looking down at the mangled body on the bed. "Oh, my poor little girl."

He looked at me with a hard expression. "Twelve. I killed twelve men tonight."

I instantly searched his eyes for redness. He looked at me, disgusted.

"Oh, for heavens sakes, I didn't eat them. Do you think I want any of them _inside_ of me? I don't. That's disgusting."

"That's an accomplishment, Jasper."

"I was insane. I blacked out, Carlisle. Look at what they did to my daughter."

We both returned our attention to an unconscious Bella lying on Edward's bed. I picked up my needle and stitching thread, getting it all prepared. I removed a bandage from her arm and gasped. That was no ordinary cut.

"What did they do to her?"

"Their signatures. They carved their names into her skin."

"That's disgusting."

"I know. Now fix it. Please."

I set to work cleaning and disinfecting the areas of sliced skin before stitching it all closed. Just as I was finishing with the last one, she opened her eyes blearily. I cursed myself for not sedating her, but remembered that she might not have made it if I had. She was too unstable. She'd lost too much blood.

"Hey, sweetie," I said quietly. She took a moment to focus on my face and then panicked.

"Jasper?" She asked frantically. He squeezed her hand.

"Here." He told her. She looked over at him and smiled. "Hey."

"Hey. I thought we were going to the middle of nowhere."

He chuckled. "Maybe another time. I had to bring you to Carlisle to get you all fixed up."

"Oh. Alright, then. Is Alice here?"

"Everyone is here except Edward and Emmett," Jasper said, sitting on the edge of her bed. "They're out…looking."

"Oh," She said disdainfully. "Stalking more innocent girls? I heard Amanda died."

"She killed herself. She couldn't handle the situation."

"I told you that the ones who were screwed up already were your best choice. Pick a girl from some perfect family and she won't be able to take all the insanity. She wouldn't be desperate enough."

"Smart girl," Jasper said, touching her cheek. "You feeling okay?"

"I guess," she said, rolling over to face him. She sighed. "I'd like to get out of this bed. I'd really like to see Alice, too."

"Of course," Jasper stood and walked to the door. Bella's pulse increased slightly. "Alice."

"Coming, Jazz," Alice's voice was already at the door and she was walking in. "Bella."

"Hi, Alice," Bella said happily. "It's good to see you again."

"I missed you, Bells." She said, sounding weepy. "I thought I'd never get to see you again."

"Of course you did," Bella said with good-natured sarcasm. "Because, you know, you had no way of knowing that I was going to end up here."

"Actually, Bella, I didn't. I haven't been able to see you since you went away. Jasper says it's because every time I thought about you, I got really upset. Carlisle says that strong emotions inhibit powers."

"Aw, Alice," Bella said, taking her hand. "Not being able to use your power? That must have been hard."

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

"I guess not." Bella hesitated and looked at Jasper tentatively. "When can I get up? And is Edward alright?"

"Edward is fine," Jasper answered, surprised. "Why?"

"I don't know. I guess I thought he might take Amanda's suicide a little personally. He's very emotional, isn't he? I thought he might take it as being his fault." Bella looked up at the ceiling, closing her eyes. "I sort of missed him, too. Sort of like I miss walking and sitting up."

"You missed _him_?" Alice exclaimed. Rosalie and Esme were standing at the door, looking just as shocked. Alice was the only one with a big enough mouth to ask. "After everything he – "

"Everything he _didn't_ do to me? Edward isn't at fault here. If he doesn't like me, it's not his fault. I mean, honestly, did you expect him to like everyone?" Bella asked, looking at all of us in turn. "Don't be so hard on him. I'll tell you what _I_ don't like. Being babied."

"Bells, he … he …" Jasper trailed off, looking very confused. "I don't even know."

"There. You've been mean to him for the simple reason that you wanted to be mean to somebody. Isn't it weird how the world works that way? It's a lot like you torturing me right now – let me up."

"ROSIE!" A voice bellowed from downstairs, followed by a loud banging noise. I cringed and so did Esme – what had he done now? "Rosie, I beat Edward home!"

"Great," Rosalie muttered sarcastically. "Now I've got to listen to it for the next six months."

Bella chuckled and coughed. That made me worry – was she bleeding into her lungs? She caught my concerned gaze and waved a hand to abate my worry.

"I've just got a little cold. I'll be fine once you let me _walk_."

"Bella?" Emmett's voice was at the door now and he appeared, looking very small. "God, Bells. Are you gonna make it?"

"Yes, Emmett, I'm going to make it. As a matter of fact, it looks much worse than it is. I really don't think I need to be here anymore," Bella tossed back her covers, looked down, and drew the blankets back across her body. "Where the hell are my clothes? I was wearing clothes when I got here."

"You bled on them. I threw them out the window. I couldn't take it," Jasper said, looking down embarrassedly. "I'm sorry."

"That's alright. Sorry for bleeding on you," Bella tugged on the bright red sleeves of Jasper's shirt and examined the damage. She grimaced. "I don't think even Alice can fix that one."

"Didn't like it anyway," Jasper smiled, messing up her hair. Bella suddenly frowned.

"So everyone in here got a little peep show while I was out?" She asked indignantly.

"Just Carlisle and I. We were stitching you back up," Jasper told her. She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, great, just the boys."

"It's not like we'd never seen a naked person before," Jasper joked. Bella shoved his arm, smiling. "It's no secret."

"Guess not," Bella said. Alice was holding a nightgown and Bella sucked that information in like a leech. She grabbed it from Alice's hand and stood up, exposing the very body she'd been disgruntled about showing off, and slipped the nightgown over her head. "That's more like it."

Edward was looking disgusted in the doorway, looking absolutely anywhere but Bella's recently covered body. Smart as she was, she didn't miss his expression.

"Aren't you glad they sent me to the reject bin?"

Edward's face darkened further. He met her eye for all of two seconds before returning to his observation of the hardwood flooring.

"Oh, come on, Edward, lighten up. I'm sorry about the bed." She waved a hand at the dark stains that littered the sheets. Edward's face clouded. "I know you don't want me here. You made that very clear when you dropped me off."

A choked sob escaped and I looked around the room. Who – ? _Oh._ Jasper was holding a fist to his mouth, muffling his tears. Bella wrapped her arms around him and he leaned into her embrace.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I tried…I tried to get back. I tried," he sobbed, holding onto her in a death grip. She ran her fingers through his hair soothingly.

"I know, honey. I know. I heard you," she reassured him, whispering softly. Edward was hovering at the door, his face ashen. "I know you want to help. It's okay. You couldn't do a thing."

"I should have tried harder. I heard you screaming. I … I … I couldn't get back to you."

I had no idea what was going on, but I got the impression that Jasper had tried to help her and had been thwarted. By who? What was he saving her from?

"Jasper, Edward held you back. There was no way you could have gotten back into that house. Look at me. Do I look like I'm blaming you?"

"No."

"I'm not. So you shouldn't. There is no one to blame except Phil. And, if I know you at all, he's dead right now."

"He is. And all of those assholes."

"Thanks, Jazz."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."


	8. Chapter 8

"Bella," a husky voice called my name from the doorway and I looked up from my book to see Edward standing there, looking dreadfully troubled. I jerked my head to motion him in, but he only stepped inside the door enough to close it behind him. "I needed to see you."

"Here I am," I smiled momentarily, watching him expectantly. "I've got anything you need. Except a blow job – I'm all out."

"Funny," he said weakly. "I wanted to apologize."

"Save your breath, it's fine."

"Technically, I don't need to save my breath at all. I don't need it, remember?"

"It's still fine."

"Sure doesn't sound like it," he said quietly. He took a deep breath and came to sit on the edge of my – his, technically – bed. "It sounds like I've hurt you. A great deal."

"Some people interpret the moral code differently than others, but I thought it was a general understanding that you didn't leave little girls to be raped by their step-fathers," I said coldly, closing my book with a snap. He flinched at the harsh sound. "Or do vampires have a whole other system of right and wrong?"

"You're holding it against me."

"Of course I'm holding it against you! Do you have any idea what it's _like_?"

"Will you hear my side, Bella? Please?" He asked as he took my hands and held them between his. "I promise, I didn't want to leave you there."

"Get on with it, then."

"Bella, I need you to understand. Keeping you with us was beyond illegal in the vampire world and so was letting you stay alive. You knew about us. You were a discredit to our family. No, that's not right. Keeping you with us…it's like…I guess it's like whipping an angry bull. The Volturi has already given us chance after chance and if they discovered that you were hanging around as a sort of pet…well, they'd have killed us for sure. The biggest concern of the Volturi is to keep us concealed from humans. Any vampire who lets a human know of us is a direct target for the Volturi. It's by their decree that we're being watched, anyways. If they discovered you…they'd have done ten times worse than Phil ever did. As for my family…there wouldn't be another chance. There wouldn't even be a struggle for our lives. We would be over." He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. Looking up at me, he frowned. "I had no choice. It was either leave you there, or have all of us killed."

"Is that all?"

"Yes," he said, obviously defeated. He stood to go, but paused before he left. "Bella, if I was given one more chance to do something with my life, I would set things straight with you. It's no excuse, but I did the only thing I could."

He opened the door.

"Wow," I said, raising my eyebrows. He turned around to look at me, confused. "You actually thought I was going to let you go."

"Of course. I've done nothing but hurt you."

"Nuh-uh. You've hurt Jasper. Me, I'll be fine. I'm used to it. You _can't_ hurt me, Edward, because there is hardly anything left to feel. Someone as emotionally and intimately tied to every being on this planet as Jasper is? Well, tearing him apart from something he loves isn't going to help him at all. Making him stand by while that something screamed for his help…I don't think you know how horrible that is, Edward."

"I'm sorry," he said softly, touching my bruised up face. I shook my head.

"It's not me you need to apologize to. I've already forgiven you."

"Have you?"

"Absolutely."

"Why is that? I don't deserve it. Not one bit."

"Because, Edward, you're not a bad person. I've told you this a thousand times."

OoOoO

Carlisle came into the room the next morning, disinfectant, bandages, tape and a warm washcloth in hand. He looked surprised to see Edward there, but didn't say anything. He looked even more surprised to see me holding Edward's hand.

"Morning, Carlisle," I said brightly. He nearly dropped his jaw. I was not 'bright' in the mornings. I was downright nasty. "How are you?"

"I'm… flabbergasted," he admitted, peeling the tape off one of my bandages.

"Only you would say flabbergasted."

"That is true," he smiled, kissing my head. "I never apologized for sending you away. I'm sorry, Bella."

"We're finished with apologies, Carlisle. If anyone else tries to apologize to me, I'm going to shove a skewer up their gonads," I threatened, making sure all the men in the house heard me. I could have sworn I heard Emmett exclaim, 'Holy shoot!' from downstairs.

"Okay, then," Carlisle said, obviously shocked. He was clearly surprised by my declaration that no one should apologize again. I loved them, I really did, but you can't apologize for purposefully hurting someone for your own gain. There are no words strong enough, no actions sincere enough, to apologize for that. "How are your cuts doing today?"

"Most of them feel like they've scabbed over. Except for the ones on my lower stomach. I think I moved while I was sleeping." I grimaced as I took a deep breath and my stomach expanded. Skin slipped on skin and I shuddered. "Yeah, definitely not scabbed over."

"I'll see if I can glue it." That was the amazing thing about Carlisle – if you had a complaint, he was right on fixing it. It was like instant gratification. He removed the gauze and tape from my stomach and rested the wet cloth on it. Edward held it in place gently, breathing in deeply from my hair. "Everything looks clean so far. I'm just worried about blood-borne infections."

"Infections?" I asked, startled. What'd he mean by infections? "I'm not sick."

"You might be now," he said gently. "Who knows were those knives have been before your skin?"

"I…"

"Bella? Are you alright?"

"I'll be alright, won't I?"

"Of course. There's nothing we can't fix except death," Carlisle smiled reassuringly. I sighed and slipped my hand back into Edward's. "Even then, we can hook you up to some machines until the change keeps your heart moving."

"That's reassuring," I said sarcastically. "Bella, the living vegetable."

"You won't be a vegetable, Bella," Carlisle chuckled, patting my head. "You'll be just fine."

"Just fine? Not great?"

"Being a vampire is never great."

"I don't know if you guys haven't noticed or anything, but…well, I'm a human. Sorry for bursting your bubble."

"You won't be forever," Carlisle smiled, gently applying the glue stuff to my stomach. My pulse raced. Me, a vampire? Me, living forever? With Alice and Jasper and everybody else? That didn't sound so bad. "That is, if you wish."

"Am I getting the CYA treatment here?" I asked, suddenly suspicious about Edward's contentment with 'taking away my soul'. He just laughed.

"We're offering because we love you. We want you with us. I normally change only those who are near death, but I think we can make an exception for the recovering one," Carlisle said. He gently touched the glue on my stomach and found it dry. "But what exactly is the CYA treatment?"

"Cover Your Ass. In simple terms, it means making sure no one can bust you. If I'm a vampire, the Volturi can't exactly beat up on you for telling a human, can they?"

"She's good," Edward said incredulously to Carlisle. To me, he said, "That's not our only motive, Bella, but it certainly is one. We're in enough trouble with the law. We do want you to be with us, though."

"When can we do it?"

"Now, if you'd like. Or ten years from now. Whenever you choose."

"How about six months from now?"

Edward's eyebrows furrowed.

"Why so long? You were quite excited a moment ago."

"I want to finish healing up so I don't have to live with scabs forever."

"That would be taken care of during the change. Emmett was mauled by a bear about two hours before he was changed. Esme had leapt from a cliff."

"I have other reasons."

"Like…?"

"Like all those cute little human things that you're obsessed with. I've never actually had fun before. I've seen it happen in movies, but…" I smiled a cheesy grin at him. He gave me a sort of flustered look and Carlisle just looked confused. "Also things like getting drunk and staying up all night with the girls."

"The girls? Do I want to know?"

"Well, it's your wife and kids. You might."

"Oh."

"Mind out of the gutter, Carlisle."

He just coughed awkwardly.

"So, I was thinking that we should get a move on with this whole baby thing. I don't want to end up a vampire just to be slaughtered immediately," I pointed out, bringing us back to the main topic of discussion around the Cullen household. "Now that you guys have me around, you might have more luck with the willingness part of things. I'm slightly more normal than you freaky Greek Gods, so I think girls will be more willing to listen to me. I can convince them of things. I'm very persuasive."

"I don't want to know that," Edward said, scrunching his nose good-naturedly. I smacked him.

"Not like that! Besides, these are women we are talking about, Edward. If they swing that way, even _you _might have a difficult time coercing them into bed," I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively and he looked away, embarrassed. Carlisle was still working over a few cuts on my legs and his fingers moved a little too close for comfort. I sucked in a breath. "Watch it, Doctor Boy."

"Sorry," he apologized, looking embarrassed. "I didn't mean to. There are just a few interestingly placed knife marks here. They're hard to get at."

"No problem; just no feeling around, got it?"

"Married, Bella."

"Never stopped anyone before," I contradicted, resting my head back – I was very tired today for some reason. "Actually, sometimes it encourages them. I don't know, though, Esme's very pretty. My guess is you're happy with what she has to offer."

"Of course I am. Can we please not talk so casually about men forcing themselves upon you?" Carlisle asked pleadingly. I shrugged; it wasn't so much of a big deal to me anymore. It happened, I got used to it. I wasn't over it, but I certainly wasn't going to break down every time it was mentioned. It wasn't the torture that bothered me, it was the knowledge that nobody cared.

"Okay," I agreed. I turned to Edward. "So, what do you think? We'll start looking?"

"I suppose."

"You 'suppose'? This is your life we're talking about here, Edward. A little more enthusiasm, maybe?"

"Yay?"

"Edward, come on. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," He said. He was silent for a few minutes. "Well, I guess I just don't like the idea of having sex with some girl that I don't know. It's kind of awkward, don't you think?"

"Kind of. Maybe you should pick a girl you do know. You've been to school, right? There must be someone you sort of knew but weren't friends with and found extremely attractive."

"No. I kept to myself in school."

"No attractive people ever in your classes?"

"Maybe…I didn't really pay attention."

"Jeez. Anti-social freakshow."

"How many friends did you have in school?" Edward asked pointedly. I shook my head.

"That's different. I'm psychologically screwed up. I do, however, recall having one friend at school. Cindy Wilkinson. I freaking adored that girl."

"We can arrange a visit, if you like."

"She lives in Canada now," I told him. "Besides, what's the point? She's probably completely absorbed in her new life by now. How important could I have been?"

"You underestimate the effect you have on people," Edward smiled. "You invoke feelings and thoughts that people don't otherwise experience. You're sort of magical that way. Everyone loves you."

"Yeah, Phil and his baseball team adored me. Especially when I screamed."

"Phil and his baseball team were insane."

"I wish I didn't scream. I wish I didn't give them the satisfaction."

Edward's face clouded and he stroked my hair gently. I smiled tiredly at him and closed my eyes. Carlisle cleared his throat to get my attention and I popped an eye open.

"These cuts aren't from last night," he told me, pointing at the rows of scars on the inside of my thighs. I nodded to show that I knew that and he frowned. "Where are they from?"

"Edward knows that story," I said sleepily. It was strange – I was extremely tired today. I guess it was to be expected, though; I'd spent all day yesterday being used as a personal rough sex mannequin. "He can tell you."

I fell asleep, curled up against Edward's chest, and slipped off to a place where there were no scars, no sex, and no step-fathers. All there was were the Cullens and I. It was such a happy place.

OoOoO

"Wakey, wakey, honey bunch!" I woke to Alice bouncing on the side of my bed enthusiastically. "It's time to _shoooooop_!"

"Noooooo…" I whined. I didn't want to shop – not when I still looked like I did. My scabs had healed enough to be sort of crunchy now and they were itchy as hell. Some of them weren't in places that were easily scratched in public. Also, Carlisle wouldn't let me scratch at all. "Next weekend, Alice…"

"Nope! Esme's birthday is tomorrow and you need something to wear. That's that. Up."

"You know what would be great? Sleep."

"Aw, come on! You've been sleeping non stop for two and a half weeks!"

"Really? Guess what, Alice. I'm _tired_," I said condescendingly, refusing to open my eyes. I knew she'd open the curtains as soon as I did. "Now, go away."

"I refuse."

"I demand."

"I still refuse."

"JASPER!"

Right on cue, my favourite Cullen came bursting in through the door and paused. There was nothing dangerous around me and I supposed that would confuse him.

"Dispose of your wife," I said, waving my hand like a queen giving her servant an order. He chuckled and picked Alice up around the waist. "Thank you, Jasper. Goodbye, _honey bunch_."

"I can still shop online, Isabella!" Alice screeched as Jasper dragged her down the hall. He shouted something like, 'I'll distract her' and before I knew it, Alice was giggling hysterically. Edward showed up just as I was lying back to fall asleep again and touched my face gently.

"No…" I moaned, pulling the blankets over my face. "Jasper just saved me…there's no one around to sexually distract _you_!"

"Oh…" Edward said, surprised. "Why do I need to be sexually distracted?"

"So you'll _go away_," I growled, glaring at him over the edge of my covers. He chuckled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. I allowed it and he ran his fingers through my hair. "Alright, then. Fine. You can stay."

"Really?" He asked, looking genuinely pleased. I nodded.

"You're playing with my hair. It feels nice. Alice was jumping on me. Not so nice."

Edward laughed, which is a glorious sound for all of you who don't know that. He lay down beside me and I wiggled myself onto his chest. Edward's chest had become my favourite spot to lay recently – it was just so easy to mold to! He wrapped his gloriously comfortable arms around me and kissed my head.

"Alice is being sexually distracted?" Edward looked amused, but I was a little jealous. I didn't like the idea of Jasper being sexually distracted by anyone, even if it was Alice. I mean, they're married, but I was a little possessive of Jasper.

"Yeah, by Jasper."

"Oh," Edward threw back his head and laughed. "I forgot you can't hear everything. Jasper is tickling her. With his gift."

My insides rejoiced a little and I smiled.

"So no sexual distractions?"

"Well, Rosalie is - "

"Forget I asked," I interrupted. Edward smirked and moved on to the next topic cooperatively.

"Okay, fine. I've come up with a plan," He told me, playing with a curl as it wound around his finger. "Jasper, Emmett and I will continue to search for the right girl, but maybe you could do the talking? Also, I've decided I definitely want to go the In Vitro route. Scientifically engineered sex just isn't appealing."

"Are you gay?"

"No."

"Funny. Most guys like any kind of sex."

"I don't think I want to have sex. I want to make love."

I think my heart skipped a few beats. Making love? Oh, God…did they come any more perfect than Edward Cullen? I seriously doubted it.

"Is your heart alright?" Edward asked me with an adorably concerned expression on his face. I grabbed his cheeks and kissed him passionately, pulling away with a _smack_. My whole world spun before my eyes for a moment. "Good lord. What was that for?"

"You are the world's most perfect man," I hugged him tightly and refused to let go for another few hours. He spent a lot of that time surprisingly not trying to pry me off of him, but holding right back on and whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

It was lunch before I finally decided that letting go was required. I had to pee.

"You're leaving me?" Edward asked teasingly. I looked at him apologetically.

"You can come, too, if you want."

"I'm alright, thanks."

"I'm showering, too. You can come for that part."

For just a moment, he looked like he was going to agree. Then he looked absolutely mortified at the possibility of seeing a woman's naked body and looked at his feet, mumbling apologies for making me uncomfortable. I kissed his cheek and slapped his butt on my way to the bathroom and I heard him curse under his breath as I closed the door. Silly Edward.

My shower was long; I didn't figure the Cullens took them often, judging by their uncanny ability to stay gloriously perfect for weeks on end. They had some hot water to spare. Jasper knocked on the door halfway through and asked in a gruff, embarrassed tone if I'd forgotten a towel. I told him that no, I hadn't and he disappeared immediately. I had a hunching suspicion that Emmett had put him up to it. Jasper's greatest fear was naked women. Or, rather, naked _me_.

I turned off the water, mulling over my new favourite topic: school. I'd figured that school was something that I did because, well, law dictated so. I didn't figure that I would miss it. I missed the rush of intellectual gratification; I missed the opportunity to be around humans, no matter how wonderful the Cullens were or how little I actually socialized; I missed the simple escape from insanity, even though I loved my new family to death. I dried myself off and applied lotion to the un-maimed parts of my skin and Polysporin to the maimed parts. Wrapping myself in a towel, I opened the door and walked out.

And straight into Emmett.

"Did Jasper ask – oh." He looked surprised to see me wearing a towel and that made me smile. "I see you remembered one."

"Yes, I did." I smiled up at him. "But it seems I forgot clothes. Silly me."

"H – h – h…" Emmett laughed nervously. I smiled and walked by him, ignoring the stuttering nervousness that was spewing from his mouth.

"Grow up, Emmett. I've got a towel."

I met Alice and Rose on the way down the stairs. My room was on a main level floor because I hadn't been able to climb stairs for a week or two. They were headed upstairs with Alice's laptop; she shot me an evil look as we passed each other. One that clearly stated, 'I'm shopping and there's nothing you can do about it'.

The funniest reaction, though, was Edward's. If he'd been drinking milk, it would have come out his nose. That's how hard he choked on his own saliva. Yes, choked – not laughed. He clutched at his chest even though he didn't require air. His face was more pasty than ghostly at that moment.

"Bella!" He squeaked. "You're naked!"

"And your voice sounds like the product of a pubescent boy mating with a hyena," I said brightly. He looked confused and scared. "Oh, sorry, I thought we were having a State The Obvious contest."

"Where are your clothes?" He asked in the same hysterical fashion. I nodded in the general direction of my bedroom. "Why didn't you bring them?"

"Well, Alice foresaw this and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to see you squeal like a little girl."

"She foresaw this?"

"No, actually, I just enjoy lying compulsively," I ruffled his hair and pushed him aside, possibly brushing against him very slowly, but by complete accident. "By the way…nice tie."

He sat down on the stairs and wheezed a frantic ' thanks'. He didn't appear to notice the fact that he was wearing a band t-shirt and quite obviously no tie. I rolled my eyes and continued on. He was left to wheeze and hallucinate on the stairwell.

I flopped onto my bed, still wet and wrapped in a towel, and sighed.

This was fun.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Just letting you guys know that updates may be a little bit slower than normal over the next week or so. I've decided to change something that happens later on in the story, so a few chapters (not posted yet) will be rewritten. Don't worry, I'm still working on it!

"We have news from Italy," Carlisle announced over dinner – my dinner, not theirs. I didn't get to see those. All eyes turned towards him in trepidation.

"I'm not going back," I told him as I swallowed a piece of the steak that Esme had massacred. I smiled at her in delight – fake, of course – at the 'delicious' meal she had made. She beamed back at me.

"I don't expect you to," Carlisle said darkly. Everyone around the table made that typical shifty, everyone-remembers-what-happened-last-time eye contact. Honestly, it would have been funny if I hadn't been so torn up about the last time still.

"Even if you did, she wouldn't be going," Jasper said firmly, giving the entire table a general 'fuck you' glare. He still hadn't quite forgiven Carlisle for taking me there under sworn oath that no one would lay a finger on me and then allowing me to be fondled by a Volturi doctor. Just like he also hadn't quite forgiven Edward for practically staking him to the ground and forcing him to live helplessly through my tortured screams. He sure knew how to hold a grudge.

"We know, Jasper," Edward reassured him. "None of us would let her go back."

"Oh, my God!" I exclaimed. Everyone turned to me, ready to burst into action if something was wrong. "I just realized – I'm actually in the room!"

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"Funny, Bella," Jasper said weakly, still sitting on the edge of his chair while he watched me eat. I felt like a lab rat. "Really hilarious."

"Well, I just wanted to fill you in – I know how you guys follow a different code of ethics, but it's considered rude to talk about people like they aren't there when they really are."

"Code of ethics?" Carlisle asked, eyebrows raised.

"Oh, yeah, Edward explained the whole thing to me. Apparently, it's morally correct for vampires to hold down their brothers and force them to be helpless as the girl they consider a daughter screams for their help," I said enthusiastically. I nodded vigorously. "That's right, isn't it? Or is he just saying that to avoid me slapping him? Surely it wouldn't hurt, would it?"

"Um…" Carlisle looked at Edward cautiously; Edward just shrugged and shook his head contritely. "Okay, then…"

"Bella, I apologized for – "

"To me, yes. To Jasper? Not yet," I cut Edward's protests off sharply. I jerked my head in Jasper's direction. "Oh, look at this! He's right here. What a perfect opportunity!"

"Bells…" Edward said, frowning. "I don't have to apologize to him."

"Fine. My acceptance of your apology has been revoked," I said firmly. Edward looked at me with an expression akin to fish-gasping-for-oxygen. "So, Carlisle, what's the news?"

"Oh, um…extensive research in South East Asia has shown that multiple reproductions is possible. Apparently, the male's body continues to produce sperm, even in its frozen state. Our bodies don't need to change in order to do that," Carlisle answered me, looking down at his stack of papers. I smiled.

"That's wonderful. All of you can have children," I said, smiling at Jasper. He'd make an amazing real dad. He was already the best fake one I'd ever met. "This is amazing news."

"Bella, there's more," Carlisle said. His face was solemn this time. Not so thrilled. My heart hit my throat. "They want you to bear a child. They don't believe that you won't tell if there's nothing in it for you. They demand a child."

"Really?"

"Yes. Unfortunately."

"Aw, shucks. I had so much else I wanted to do with my life," I said sarcastically. "Honestly, I've already signed on for this once, haven't I? Unless I'm mistaken, I still want to help you guys."

"Good," Carlisle said as though a heavy burden had been lifted from his chest.

"I want to have Jasper's baby for him," I declared. I expected a violent uproar to take place, but no one appeared surprised. In fact, Alice was looking at her nails idly. She was not outraged by the fact that I wanted to make babies with her husband. She gave me a wink, to which my jaw dropped.

"Really?" Jasper asked me, looking maybe a little more pleased than was strictly necessary or appropriate when confronted with the idea of your daughter-figure asking to bear your children.

"Yep," I told him. I wanted something to tie me to Jasper infinitely. Also, there was the possibility that he would be against Carlisle's sketchy In Vitro procedure and I would actually get a piece of the hotness he wore like a second skin. Carlisle made a relieved sound and my attention turned back to him.

"I'm glad you're on board, Bella. The Volturi have also demanded a change in numbers: three children from this family. If we manage to keep all the mothers alive, we get to keep all the children. The only Volturi contact they will have is monthly check ups for the first year and then one every decade after that."

"Hmm," I muttered. "They really are negotiators, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess," Emmett said, leaning back on his chair. Rosalie looked at him apprehensively. "I guess I'm gonna have to pump out some offspring, huh?"

"It's likely. It depends on who wishes to have children," Carlisle answered. All couples turned to look at each other. There were several minutes of silence.

"I…I don't need to participate in this any longer. All of you can have your families," Edward said awkwardly. My jaw practically dropped. Edward Cullen, sacrificing something for someone else's happiness? Then I remembered: he didn't want the genetically engineered sex. "Really, it only makes sense."

"You'd give up this chance?" Rosalie asked, obviously shocked. "You'd give up the chance to have a family like any normal person?"

"Rosalie, I don't want my child being brought up in a broken home. There won't be a mother. There will be me, the seventeen year old dad. With all of you, these children have a chance at a semi-normal life," Edward said softly. "They'll – they'll have a _whole_ family to love them."

"Just because you haven't found her yet doesn't mean she's not there!" Alice cried, grasping his hand dramatically. I'd only seen this kind of pure anguish in movies. "You can't give up now!"

"Course I can," Edward smiled at her warmly. _Warmly_. Since when was Edward _warm_? "I've got everything I could ever need."

"Except a nice lay now and then," Emmett grinned, elbowing his brother. My jaw really did drop.

"Emmett Cullen!" I said loudly. He turned to look, nervous. "Just because he's not in love doesn't mean he's going to be a virgin his entire life! I'll have you know that Edward over here could find 'a nice lay now and then' just about anywhere he wanted whenever he wanted. I'll bet your wife, sister, and mother agree with me! Right girls?"

"Of course," Alice said, winking at Edward.

"I'd do him," Rose said. Emmett looked hurt. "If I didn't have you, honey."

"He's – I – well…yes," Esme said, looking positively mortified.

But no one looked as mortified as Edward did.

"You might want to check his vitals, Carlisle. I think he's going into shock."

I waved a hand in front of his face. He blinked, but showed no other signs of surfacing from his seemingly open-eyed coma.

"Oh, come on, Edward. It's sex, not a joke about Mozart," I waited. Nothing. "Fine. I can start cracking jokes about piano players. You know where the term 'piano hands' came from?"

"Please don't tell that one," he said hoarsely. I nodded. Alrighty, then. At least he was making sound. "Anything but that."

"Is it because of the sexual innuendo involved?"

"Oh, no, it's the other part," Edward answered sarcastically. "But really, my family doesn't need to know what you think about my hands."

"It was hypothetical. How'd you know?"

"Nothing is ever hypothetical with you."

Just then, Alice started to giggle. Then Edward became totally comatose again. I looked at her for explanation.

"Oh, he's just going to be – "

"No, Alice," Edward begged. Alice shrugged. I guess it wasn't really that funny then. "No. Please, no."

"Kiss him, Bells," Alice egged me on. Edward shook his head violently. Alice was still doing her little chant of 'kiss him, kiss him' and I was a sucker for peer pressure, so I touched his hair gently and his head stopped moving instantly. He never moved when I touched him because I might get hurt. I grabbed his lips with mine and worshiped his the best I could.

Emmett wolf whistled. Jasper was growling lowly, fists clenched on the tabletop.

Edward, on the other hand, almost lost it.

I felt him go rigid beneath my touch, but it wasn't the part I'd been expecting: it was his entire body. He didn't move at all for about two seconds and then he was pushing me away. Not angry, I'm-going-to-suck-your-blood pushing. It was stay-off-me-you-crazy-woman pushing. Emphasis on crazy.

And, for the first time ever, I wasn't upset that he didn't want me.

"Wait!" I shouted. His hands were on my belt buckle. His family was staring and I was breathing hard. "I'm not mad at you."

"Good. Good, that's good," Edward said with a scattered air. He went back to fumbling with my pants. "It's a good thing you aren't mad anymore."

"No, I still hate you for hurting Jasper. I mean I'm not freaked out by the idea you rejecting me. I threw up once just thinking about it."

"Nice imagery," he said sarcastically.

"Understandable due to my less-than-stellar self-esteem," I corrected. "But this time, I think I'm glad you don't want me."

"Well, congratulations."

"Thanks."

"She's cured!" Emmett exclaimed. "Yay!"

"Not quite, Emmett," I said. I looked at him and thought about his unswerving dedication to Rosalie, which meant he would never think of me that way. I felt the familiar jolt of rejection and sighed. "Nope, I'm just cured of Edward."

"You aren't mad at Edward, but you are upset that everyone else is uninterested," Carlisle said for clarification. I nodded. I looked back at Edward and grinned.

"This could be fun."

He ran a hand over his face. I was placed back in my own chair gently.

"I don't want you because it's morally _wrong_," Edward said firmly. "Until you're eighteen, no sex for you."

"But _you_ don'twant to." I said. He glared at me. Jasper glared at Edward. He did not look pleased with all the sex talk revolving around me.

"Until you're eighteen, any pregnancy you have will be created by artificial insemination," he said resolutely. The rest of the family appeared to agree. "We will not change our minds on this."

"But when I'm eighteen I'll probably be done having children."

"Exactly. _Then _you can screw anyone you want."

I huffed. He was so unfair.

"Alright, fine. So, who wants a baby first?"

The Cullens all stared at me, looking as though I'd just announced that I could stand on my head while juggling eleven eggs and twirling a table on my feet.

"You're going to have _all_ of them?" Alice asked. She appeared to think I was insane. "But…you won't have that pretty shape anymore. You'll get…_floppy_."

"Yes, but when I'm changed into a vampire, that will all go away!"

"Well, I guess…" She admitted. She looked around the table and back to me. "Emmett will go first."

"Thank you for deciding the fate of your brother, Alice, but I think we should choose." Jasper told her, patting her head. She brushed off his suggestion.

"You already did," she tapped her temple. "Emmett, then you, then Carlisle. And…hmm. Edward appears to have changed his mind."

"What?" Edward asked in surprise. "No, we decided that – "

"I know. But then you're going to see Bella all pregnant and glowing and think, 'Gosh, I want that. I want a baby, too.'. Then you'll propose the idea and she will bear your child."

"Oh."

"Glad we skipped the long part. So, the original order still stands. Edward is last."

"So, Emmett, want to have a child?" I asked him with a grin. He grinned back and folded his hands behind his head.

"I'm so good, I can knock up girls up without even touching them," he bragged to Edward, who sat beside him. Edward just glared in astonishment. Really, I wasn't surprised by the remark.

"Pig," Edward muttered. Emmett hit him. "Ow."

"Girls!" I exclaimed, clapping him hands. "Walk with me. We're going to talk."

OoOoO

We were gathered around the flameless fire pit in the back yard, the girls in shorts and t-shirts and me wrapped in about a dozen blankets, thanks to Jasper. They sat facing me on the opposite side, all sharing a log. Nobody looked malicious or angry, but I knew how good the Cullens were at acting. They could all be steaming inside and not show it.

"So," I said awkwardly. "I know that this situation is far more serious than I've made it out to be. Jokes are a vice for me; don't take my sarcasm seriously. I wanted to talk with all of you."

Nobody said anything; the silence wasn't angry, just expectant.

"I wanted to check with you three to make sure that no one harboured any hard feelings about their husbands having a child with someone else," I said. It was my turn to watch them expectantly. Esme was smiling serenely. Alice was watching pensively. Rosalie was looking generally annoyed. I figured I'd have the hardest time with her.

"Bella, I would give anything to have a child with Carlisle. I really would. But I would give more to allow him to have one when I can't give it to him," Esme said gently. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm ecstatic that I'm going to get a little baby. I just want you to know that this baby will be just as much mine as it is yours."

"Of course it will be. As long as you realize that it's just as much mine as yours, too."

"Absolutely."

"Bells, I'm good with you having Jasper's baby," Alice told me firmly, albeit gently. I smiled in return. "You're my best friend. I really don't understand why you even have to ask."

We all turned as inconspicuously as possible toward Rosalie. She was still looking at me with an expression of complete contempt. Except now I noticed that she wasn't just contemptuous; she was jealous.

"I'm…okay with you having Emmett's baby. But that baby is _mine_," she said invariably. "I understand that you are going to love that little boy or girl, too, but they will not call you mommy. They will not go running to you when they cry. They will not think of you as their mother. They will be mine. My baby. Do you understand?"

"No, Rosalie, I don't. This baby will be of no relation to you and you expect to completely cut its mother out of the picture. I know that you want nothing more than a child of your own. I know that you hate me for having to do this. I know that you'd like to believe that I am simply here as a disposable incubator until your baby is born, but that is not the truth. I will hold part of its heart. You know that," I said. I couldn't believe the audacity that she had. "I get that you don't want to do this. I get that. I do. But I can't do this for you if I'm going to be cut from my baby's life. I won't do it. You can't force me to. I can guarantee that I have people on my side to stop you if you try."

Rosalie stared at me, mouth hanging open in shock and disgust.

"Listen up, Rosalie. I've dealt with your weird, unexplained coldness towards me since day one. I don't care how mean you are to me. What I do care about are my children. You will not take any of them from me. If stopping that means not having one at all, so be it. But it's Emmett's loss, not mine."

"How dare you?" Rosalie asked me hostilely. "The only reason you are here is to have children with our husbands and here you are demanding _respect_? Demanding the right to see a child you weren't meant to have? I don't think so."

"I do. I give birth to that baby, it's mine. I can share, but I can't hand over. It's not going to happen."

Rosalie stared at me angrily, practically radiating hatred. Her bright blonde hair whipped around her face in the winter wind. Her pale cheeks made her look even more frightening than usual.

"I hate you," she spat. I raised my eyebrows.

"No, you don't. You hate that I have a backbone."

"I'm pretty sure it's you, actually."

"Well, I'm pretty sure it's not. You don't like me because I'm just as big a bitch as you are and you think I'm invading your territory. Believe me, Rosalie, I don't want anything to do with Emmett besides being his friend. I love that guy, but in the most purely platonic way that anyone has ever loved someone. You're insecure and if the amount of love Emmett gives you isn't enough to reassure you, you might want to consider getting some serious help," I said. I was on my feet now because I was _angry_. "If you can't pull it together long enough to give your husband something that he wants more than anything, then you don't deserve it. Emmett wants a baby and so do you, but if you can't admit that it will be my baby, too, then fine. You won't get one."

"You can't do this to me. You're just some whorish human girl."

I laughed. Really?

"And I thought that you, of all people, would understand. I guess you're more self-centered and blind than I thought," I said simply, turning away and walking back inside. I stopped. I turned around for a moment. "I've had enough people shove me around in this lifetime, Rosalie. I won't let it happen again."

"Bella – " Alice called from behind me. I waved a hand backwards.

"Leave it, Alice."

OoOoO

"Jasper." I walked back into the kitchen, but it was vacant. "Jasper?"

"Living room," he called back. I walked into the next room and all four boys were sitting there, waiting expectantly. "How'd it go?"

"Great. You first," I told him. I sat down in on Jasper's lap and waited for the confusion to start. I wasn't disappointed. Only three seconds.

"What about Emmett? I thought he was going first? That's what Alice said…I think…"

"Yeah, I thought it was me first, too," Emmett said, confused. I nodded to him.

"Rosalie and I discussed that it might be better if I didn't have your baby. You can find a substitute if you'd like, but we thought it would be best if it wasn't me." The royal 'we'. Meaning Rosalie. "Alice has no problems with you procreating with another woman, it seems. You should look into that, Jasper. Esme is thrilled to be having a baby of any kind, never mind Carlisle's."

"Oh," Emmett said. He frowned. "Bella, honey, I know she can be sort of…tenacious."

"Really? I hadn't noticed," I said with a smile. "She was nothing if not pleasant about the whole thing. It was a joint agreement. For the best."

"I bet," Emmett said sardonically. "Everything Rosie decides is a joint agreement."

"Anyway," I said loudly to change the subject. "Jasper. You first."

"Okay. Now?"

"Well, that depends. Did you boys make use of your free time and find us some sperm?"

I swear every one of them blushed. They all made coughing sounds and looked at their feet, scratching their heads awkwardly.

"I guess not," I laughed. "Unless you want to do this the traditional way, get a move on, Jazz."

"Traditi – oh. Oh. No, no. No, not that way," he stuttered, standing up instantly. "I mean, that would be bad. Very bad."

"I don't know, Jazz, I've had a lot of practice." My therapist would be outraged to see me using sarcasm to cover my disappointment. So Jasper didn't want me, either.

"No! Not that kind of bad – I mean, I just…oh, God," he said embarrassedly. "I'll just…go. Bye."

He raced from the room and up to his bedroom. The door closed and I sat down with a smile. Teasing Jasper was always interesting.

"That was fun."

The others looked at me with a sort of morbid fascination.

"That was interesting. No one's ever flustered Jasper before," Edward laughed, knocking my knee with his fist. "Good job."

"Thank you," I said with a dramatic curtsy in my seat. "So, Carlisle, when _do_ we do this?"

"When was the beginning of your last period?"

"Twelve days ago."

"On Monday, then," he said. Today was Saturday. "Tomorrow, even. It depends on your preference."

"Tomorrow might be best. That way, I'll be ready right on time."

"On time?" Edward asked in confusion.

"Yes. You do know what ovulation is, right, Edward?" I teased. He looked away, blustering, and ignored me steadfastly. "I think I'm going to go to bed. It might be the last good night of sleep I ever get."


	10. Chapter 10

I sat on a cold metal table in Carlisle's basement (and highly illegal) hospital room. He was trying to keep the whole 'private hospital' thing on the down low, so it didn't have those nice cushions and wax paper to cover the freezing metal parts. It didn't help that we were sitting in a basement, either. Basements were cold.

Being cold sucked, especially when you were naked. Body heat practically leapt off of you like you had a contagious disease. I felt like I was Jennifer Aniston, body heat was Brad Pitt, and everything that soaked up heat was Angelina Jolie. I freaking hated Angelina Jolie right now. But…on second thought…it felt really nice. Sexy, almost.

"Don't you need to inject stuff into my ass for a few weeks first?" I asked, eyeing all of Carlisle's sharp, pointy things. A lot of them were shiny, too. There were a lot of pointy, shiny things in Carlisle's illicit hospital room. It made me wonder where the wild white hair and cackling laugh were. "You know, to get me ready?"

"Not with vampire sperm. They're stubborn little devils," he grinned. "Won't stop at anything to make a human egg eat its forbidden apple."

"I see. That metaphor sucked."

"I know. I'm still learning."

"After three hundred years?"

"_Some _people aren't born with outstanding wit and irresistible charm," he said sarcastically, poking along my spine in a way that was possibly more forceful than necessary. "Just checking for spinal issues. They usually present around your age. Wouldn't want to miss one."

"Yeah, I think you've got 'em all ruled out." I turned around and he poked my stomach accidentally. "Careful. Wouldn't want to bruise my uterus today."

"No," he agreed, feeling along my stomach. "Now, Jasper has given me this – " He held up a syringe of whitish clear liquid. I squirmed at the sight of it. " – to give to you. Well, not 'give'. More like 'insert into'."

"Delightful."

"So…" Carlisle said. I looked at him expectantly. He looked at me awkwardly. "This is all very unscientific. We don't have much research. Only enough to know that In Vitro doesn't work properly. We have to actually inject the sperm into your uterus."

"Alright, then."

…

"Um…bend over," Carlisle said with embarrassment. Uneasiness coloured his tone, but I just laughed.

"Bend over? Honestly?"

"Sadly."

"Shouldn't I just lay down?"

"Well, yes, if you want to give me a bit of show. I figured you would be more comfortable if I didn't really see anything."

"Huh." I hopped off the cold metal bench, which was just beginning to warm up, and felt cold air against my butt. I leaned my elbows against the edge of the bench and pushed my butt out, legs spread about shoulders width apart. "Good?"

"A little farther would be better," he told me, placing his hands on the insides of my thighs and pushing outwards. I spread farther and looked over my shoulder. Carlisle nodded. "Great. Now, I need you to relax as best you can. Any tension could pose harmful."

"Why?"

"Ever noticed how rape victims tend not to get pregnant?"

"No, actually, I haven't noticed that."

"Right. I forgot. I'm sorry. I'll just…shut up."

"No, no. Keep going. I want to know why."

"Well, tension or fear releases what are called endorphins or adrenaline. That pushes the body to the absolute maximum, so pregnancy isn't usually a result. The body rejects the sperm and refuses to become pregnant," Carlisle explained. "Now, that's a very, very brief and inexact explanation."

"Oh," I said. I felt his hands working somewhere between the middle of my thighs. "What are you doing?"

"Stalling," he admitted with a nervous chuckle. "It's not every day a man has to grope his daughter."

"You consider me a daughter?"

"Of course," he said. I felt a hand on my back and wondered for a moment what my back could possibly have to do with this procedure until I realized that it was supposed to be a comforting gesture. There was a bit more movement between my legs before I felt a gently pressure where the pressure was usually quite ungentle. "I need you to tell me if this hurts."

"You bet," I promised. He pushed a little bit harder on the body of the syringe, but still no entry. He applied tiny, tiny amounts of pressure but made no progress. This went on for about five more minutes. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Trying not to hurt you. Does it hurt?"

"No, and it's not working," I pointed out. He still refused to push hard enough to actually insert the needle-less syringe into my vagina. I rolled my eyes and shoved back. It slipped right in, easy as pie. "There. Good?"

"Yeah," Carlisle answered, sounding a bit like a five year old girl. "Good."

He must have pressed the syringe contents out because suddenly, my insides were very cold and very tingly. It felt _good_. It was like being injected with ice water. Strange, but weirdly nice. I moaned and Carlisle retracted the syringe instantly.

"Are you alright?"

"Absolutely," I gasped. "I've never felt better."

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked. "You feel healthy? Satisfied? Rested?"

"I feel horny," I admitted. He made a gulping sound. "Really horny. Like, ready-to-screw-the-creepy-old-man-at-the-post-office horny."

"That quickly?"

"What?"

"Well, our experience has shown us that in eight or nine days, you'll be craving sex. But not this quickly," Carlisle explained, tossing the syringe into the garbage can next to the bench. I was strangely aware of his hand on my wrist, checking my pulse. I grabbed his arm and turned around. "Bella?"

"I have never wanted to have sex in my entire life, Carlisle. I have never felt one inkling of desire. What's going on with me?" I gasped, holding onto his arms tightly. He grabbed me by the upper arms and lifted me onto the table. He checked my pupils, my pulse, and my breathing.

"Normal," he muttered. "Temperature's a degree high, but that's normal when you're aroused."

"I'm way past aroused, Carlisle," I moaned, leaning my face into his chest. "I'm at practically orgasmic and I'm just talking to you."

"You might be…um…"

"Cold," I gasped. "Cold. That's it. Cold it one of those hypersensitive things for me. Inject it into my uterus and _bam_! It works better than the date rape drug. I actually _want_ to fuck you. _Wow_. Nice chest, Carlisle."

"It's a strange reaction to cold," he admitted. "But completely possible. Now, back away from my chest, Bella."

"I just want to feel it."

"Bells," he laughed, prying me away from him. "Stay on that table."

"Care to join me?"

"No. Married, Bella."

"No one would know…I wouldn't tell."

He frowned sternly at me. "Restrain yourself. No one besides Jasper can have sex with you now or you might not have his child. And I seriously doubt he's going to do it."

"Fine," I moaned, running my hands down his chest one more time. the cold was starting to fade and I was now obsessive about getting it back. "Inject me again? Please?"

"No, Bella."

"Then fetch me Jasper," I whined. It felt good! Why couldn't I have it again? "Please?"

"No, it's artificial. Artificial things are bad for people," Carlisle said condescendingly. I glared and he grinned. "Oh, come on. Surely you can convince Jasper to fake the feeling for you. You're very persuasive. Well, you're conspiring, at any rate."

"Love you, too," I said sarcastically, ignoring the fact that the use of Jasper's gift would be artificial, too. No need to point that out. He chuckled and helped me slide my arms into my shirts and held my pants while I stepped into them. I felt about four years old. Maybe earlier than that. I didn't really remember being helped into my clothes when I was four. I was making my own lunches by the time I was five. "I'm not three, you know. I can do this by myself."

"I know, but I enjoy helping you."

I wrapped my arms around him and sighed. "You're a good dad. Much better than all the other ones I've had. Well, except for Jasper. It's sort of hard to top a dad who almost decapitated his brother to save you."

"I'm sorry I sent you back," he said softly. "I thought things might change. You'd been missing…I figured he might realize he missed you."

"Oh, he did. He showed me just what he missed twenty four times that week." I kissed Carlisle's head and held it to my chest for a moment. I didn't forgive him, but one day I might. "But, really, I _will_ forgive you. I manipulated you into sending me back. I lie pretty well. I've been undermining Phil's hard work."

Carlisle gripped my shoulder gently and smiled down at me. I smiled back up. He really did feel like a real dad, only twenty five instead of forty. He was almost as comforting as Jasper was.

Speaking of Jasper…where was he? I hadn't seen him in almost a day and I was running low on my daily intake of James Taylor and cuddle time. I scooted out of Carlisle's forbidden office and back into the real world in search of my dad.

"Jazz?" I called. Alice appeared in the doorway of her bedroom, smiling.

"How'd it go?"

"Great. Where's Jasper?"

"He's busy," Alice said, pulling on the hem of her shirt. I frowned. That was a first. Jasper was never too busy to talk to me. I'd seen him deliberately lose arm wrestling competitions just to talk to me. He'd postponed sex with his wife a few times to talk to me. My mental well-being was of utmost importance to Jasper Whitlock/Cullen/Hale. Whatever he was going by.

"Oh," I said. I felt a little twinge of sadness, but brushed it away. I could go getting all upset just because someone had something better to do than talk to me. It happened all the time. I should be used to it; I'd been brushed aside my entire life. "Alright. Well. I'll just…go."

I went to my room and turned on the stereo. Then I turned it off. Suddenly, I wasn't in a very musical mood. I was in a tea, chocolate, and book kind of mood. I quickly ran out to the kitchen, boiled the water for tea, made tea, grabbed a piece of chocolate from the cupboard and ran back to my room. I curled up in the big comfy chair by the window and opened my book. Suddenly I didn't want to read or drink tea or eat chocolate. Well, I still wanted to eat chocolate, just not while drinking tea or reading a book.

Then it hit me. I was lost and sad. And I didn't know why.

Then it hit me again. I was lost and sad because I missed Jasper. He wasn't there when I needed him and I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal. Just like I'd tried to convince myself it wasn't a big deal when Dad wasn't there anymore. Just like I'd tried to convince myself it wasn't a big deal when Mom wasn't there anymore. Just like I'd tried to convince myself when Phil _was_ there.

I burst into tears and jumped up to close the door of my bedroom. It was a rule in the house that if a door was latched, you didn't even knock. There was obviously something going on that you didn't need to be there for. If it was closed, but not latched, you could still knock. If it was open, you could just go in. But not if it was latched. That was a clear 'get lost' signal.

I cried for hours and then decided I wanted to sleep, so I climbed into bed. I latched my windows: Jasper and I had struck a deal that if my door was latched, he could still come in if my windows were open. I closed the curtains and pulled the covers up over my head. I didn't sleep at all, but I did get some rest. There were intermittent periods where I stopped crying and just stared at my ceiling. The sun rose and sank again before I even made an effort to stand up. I opened my curtains and blinked sadly at the sun. Why was the sun always so cheerful?

It was nighttime again by the time I ventured outside. I'd spend two whole days in my bedroom and hadn't left it yet. God, I had to pee. God, I was hungry. I went pee first. I wasn't going to publicly humiliate myself if I didn't get hunger taken care of immediately. Then I headed for the kitchen and made some toast. Six slices of toast.

I ate them plain. No butter, no jam, no peanut butter. Just crispy bread.

Then I went to the front porch and sat on the swing for about an hour. No one was here, I noticed. Not a single soul was walking the floors of this house or the fields of this estate. Just me and the birds and the crickets. The birds were eating the crickets.

I went back inside and found a note on the counter written in Alice's handwriting.

_Bella, _

_We all went hunting. It's been a long time since we all went as a family. We'll be back in a day or two. There's chocolate cake in the fridge._

_Oh, and Carlisle's cell is number one on the home phone speed dial if you have an emergency._

_Alice_

I had a sneaking suspicion that this trip was Rosalie's idea. A big family outing, minus the human whore that hung around. I found Alice's cake and ate about two bites out of it before I felt like puking. I put it back.

I went upstairs and had a shower, then headed back to my room. I fell asleep and stayed that way for several hours. I awoke just in time to puke into my garbage can and fall back asleep. I did a lot of puking over the next thirty six hours. Then I just gave up eating and went to sleep.

I woke up one more time in complete agony. I was starving, but I knew that if I ate, I would upchuck. It wasn't a pleasant crossroads to be at. I decided to get it over with and ate a few bites of Alice's cake again. I puked in the sink and slid down the front of the cabinets when I finished. I sat on the cold floor and rested my head against the hard wood of the cupboard doors. Eventually, I crawled to the somewhat softer tiling of the bathroom and lay in front of the toilet instead.

I spent a few more hours puking there and then fell asleep with my head resting back on the edge of the shower. When I woke up again, I had a swollen belly. It took me a few minutes to realize that – oh, my God – that was a baby bump. Now, it didn't exactly stick out. It was more like my stomach was flat again. It had been concave for a few days. I really hadn't eaten much.

I didn't move from my nice piece of tile in front of the toilet because I knew I would puke. Believe it or not, that was one of the less appealing things about pregnancy. Right up there with stretch lines and fifty pounds of gained weight. _What_ had I been thinking? This was the stupidest idea I'd ever come up with! And I still had three to go.

Damn.

I didn't register the fact that I was no longer alone until I was really no longer alone. Emmett was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, looking down at me in surprise.

"We can't leave you alone for two days without you almost dying?" He asked incredulously. This, of course, made Jasper and Carlisle come running. Emmett flicked on the light.

"Turn off the fucking light," I demanded, squeezing my eyes shut. "And go away."

"Oh, my God," Jasper said fearfully. "Is she alright?"

"I'm fine. Just a little – " I scrambled up to puke in the toilet and cough and gag a little bit. I sat back down. "Nauseous."

"But – but nothing we left could have gone bad. You're not allergic to anything. You haven't cut yourself on anything," Jasper was pretty close to hyperventilation. I waved a very weak and tired hand at him to shut up.

"Morning sickness. Haven't you ever seen a pregnant woman before?"

"Not like this," He said anxiously. "Carlisle, maybe you should terminate – "

"Absolutely not. It's just a bit of puking. I can deal with it. Now go away. Nobody needs to see this."

"Why did we just leave?" Jasper was gripping his hair with both hands. "Carlisle, what were we thinking?"

"The first few days are always so smooth," Carlisle looked worried. "There was no medical reason for us to stay with her."

I gripped the toilet again.

"You shouldn't have to do this by yourself," Jasper decided. "I'm staying."

"No, you're really not. I've done just fine holding my own hair for the last two days," I told him. "Go. It's disgusting and you don't want to be here."

"But it's hurting you."

"That's just because I'm hungry."

"Eat, then!" Jasper said nervously.

"So I can puke some more?" I asked cheerfully. "Not likely. No worries, I've been drinking lots of fluids. Get lost."

"It's unlikely."

"It's very likely. Just as soon as I puke on you."

That moved his ass right out of the bathroom. I latched the door this time. I didn't need any more visitors. There was a lot of creaking outside the door over the night and I could only assume that Jasper was still lingering.

I puked up my latest glass of water and got some of it on my shirt.

"Fuck," I muttered, stripping off my top. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, leaning back against the tub. "Stupid water. Stupid morning sickness. God, when will it go away?"

There was more creaking, this time more insistent.

I clambered upright, supporting myself on the wall of the tub. I walked to the door and opened it. Sure enough, there was Jasper, whiter than a ghost. He reached for me nervously, but I brushed past him and into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I flopped down on the bed and promptly slept for fourteen hours. I woke up and puked into my garbage can. I dumped it out the window instead of leaving my room. I didn't want to get wrapped up in all the curious non-humans out there.

I cried a little bit more because I was starving and couldn't eat. I cried because I hated how Jasper wanted to be in here and how I wouldn't let him. He hadn't really done anything wrong. All he'd done was completely natural. He had something else he wanted to do. It was his life, free to be lived as he wished. I had no control over him.

Then I cried because I really wished I had somebody's complete attention, even though I knew it was completely insane to wish that. First off, nobody would ever be able to focus their attention fully on me. Second, I'd likely go insane if someone focused all of their attention of me and nothing else. How annoying would that get?

Then I cried because I realized I was actually going insane.

I stormed out of my room and into the kitchen. I was angry. I was going to eat and no damned child the size of my fist was going to stop me. How wrong I was.

Well, not really, I guess. I did eat. Just not for long. And the effects didn't last long. Then I was back to hibernating in my bedroom. I stayed there and came out once to shower. I puked on myself, so I had to shower again. Two showers, I guess, but same hour. I came out once more to wash the towels I'd puked on, but went back to my room immediately. I wanted to avoid social contact as much as possible.

Except that I craved it. I was a human being. I craved contact with other human beings. It was normal. I just didn't really want to reveal how weak I was right now, or how upset I was that I wasn't the center of the universe.

Of course, I guess any kid was allowed to be sad when they found out their dad was too busy for them.

That was normal, right? A sense of abandonment? Maybe a little bit of depression?

Whatever. I was just sad and lonely. Not depressed and abandoned.

What I really wanted was my mom. My real, biological mom. Renée Swan. Before she was Renée Dwyer. Before she wasn't my mom anymore.

I left my room and sat just outside the door. I was going to take things slowly. Leaving my room was going to take some getting used to. Best to detox on my way out.

Alice came and sat beside me. I didn't look at her because I knew exactly who it was.

"I wanted to thank you." Alice said very softly. "For doing this. I know it's hard for you, but Jasper is thrilled to be having a baby. Thank you."

"Don't thank me." I told her hoarsely. "Thank God that you don't have to do this part."

Alice patted my head gently and hugged me before leaving. I sat outside of my room for six hours. Then I had to pee. I got up, but Jasper swooped in and carried me to the bathroom. When I was done, he carried me to the couch that had magically appeared outside of my bedroom. I smiled at him and curled up on it.

"Thanks, Jasper." I whispered. I fell asleep all curled up into a ball and woke up wrapped in a blanket. I spent a few hours mulling over Alice's note. A family outing. I was taking Rosalie's words a little too seriously. I wasn't part of the family. I was the girl they stole to save themselves. I didn't hold it against them, but I was still sad. I really didn't belong anywhere.

I wanted so desperately wanted to have a family of my own. My family. One that I went on family outings with. One that I sat around the fire and laughed with on Friday nights. One that I belonged to.

I'd made the Cullens a promise. I would have their babies. I would help to save them.

But I wouldn't stay.


	11. Chapter 11

BELLA POV

My back hurt. My neck hurt. My stomach really hurt.

My feet? Don't even get me started.

I was rubbing them right now, working them along the banister posts on the stairs. Me sitting on the stairs wasn't the best idea anyone had ever had, but it was the only place I could find to rub my feet on. They were just so swollen.

I was the equivalent of six and a half months pregnant and it had been two weeks and six days. I groaned as I thought about the horrors of nine month pregnancies.

My baby kicked and I ceased to breathe for a moment. I hadn't mentioned it, but this baby was insanely strong. My entire stomach was littered with black and blue spots.

I still hadn't really spoken. 'Thank you' here and 'please' there, but no real conversations. My examinations with Carlisle were mostly just 'yes' or 'no' or 'sort of'. Nobody pushed me. They must have realized my motives. I didn't want to become too attached again.

"Bella?" It was Emmett. He was grinning at the sight of me pushing my feet against the banister. "What are you doing?"

"I can't reach anymore," I explained, nodding to my feet. "They hurt."

"I could rub them," he volunteered. "You could have said something. There are seven of us who are perfectly capable of rubbing your feet."

"That's gross."

"We're willing to help. Look at what you're doing for us."

"That's different. I'm not going to _die_ if you don't rub my feet."

"No, but we want to thank you."

"Come up with a cure for morning sickness before my next one, then," I told him, still working furiously on my feet. He sighed and grabbed one in his hands to begin rubbing it. I yanked it away. "Damn it, Emmett, I said no."

"I want to help."

"I don't want you to touch my feet. I don't want you to touch me at all. Got it?" I stood up and went downstairs, leaving him to stare after me in shock. I had some breakfast and went for a walk. I didn't bother leaving a note. Edward and Jasper were playing catch in the field; they'd notice me leaving.

I got a whole four miles away before I couldn't go any further. I sat down on an old log on the side of the road and rested.

God, I was so tired. I was so sad. I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to _have_ a home.

Rosalie showed up on the side of the road, looking down at me with her arms crossed.

"What do you want?" I asked tiredly. She pursed her lips at me.

"The way you treated Emmett earlier," she said. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, sorry. I'm a terrible person. Feel free to off me if the need arises."

"You're not staying, are you?" She asked. I raised my eyebrows. "If you planned on sticking around, you wouldn't snap at the people trying to be nice to you."

"No, I wouldn't."

"You wouldn't blow off your family," she pointed out.

"I'm not blowing off my family."

"No? How come you've spent the last three weeks in almost complete solitude?"

"Because, Rosalie, I don't have a family," I pointed out. "Unless you've forgotten, they're dead. I don't see any way that I could possibly be blowing off my dead family."

"I meant us."

"Oh, _your_ family?"

Rosalie sighed and looked around in frustration.

"Why can't you accept that you're part of our family now? _I've_ accepted it and you haven't," she said angrily. "Actually, you've unaccepted it. You were fine before!"

"I was fine because I was living under the delusion that I belonged there. I don't. I thought I did because your home was a nice, safe place where I could get better and escape from everything. It felt like home, but it's not. Not anymore. I don't need to be there, Rosalie. It's not a place for me."

"Why not?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, Rosalie, but you're not of my species. Even if you were, you definitely don't come from the same subspecies as I do. Poor, abused, and homeless. No. I don't belong with people like you."

"Bella, we want you to stay."

"I don't want to stay. I can't live with myself if I'm not happy. I'll finish my promise to you guys, but then I'll be going," I sighed and looked up at the sky. "Let's keep this to ourselves, okay? Not everyone needs to know."

"Fine. But if you try to leave before everyone's got their baby…" She warned.

"Emmett will get his, too. I'm leaving, so the whole mom thing won't be an issue."

"You can just leave your babies?" Rosalie asked, astonished.

"I can leave them with their families. I've faced it, Rosalie. They really won't be mine. They'll be yours and Emmett's, Jasper's and Alice's, Esme's and Carlisle's. I'm just a surrogate mom. Only necessary for a month or so."

"And Edward's baby?"

"If he still wants it, he'll get one. But he doesn't want to raise a baby in a broken family, remember?"

"So stay and be its mom."

"I can't."

"You can."

"Why are you bargaining so hard, Rosalie?" I demanded. "You don't like me. You hate me. Don't you remember that? You want nothing more than what I have planned."

"Our family isn't the same without you," she admitted. "Ever since you sort of secluded yourself, nothing has been the same."

"They'll adjust."

"No. They won't. They shouldn't have to."

"No, your perfect little family shouldn't have to adjust to anything, should it? Everything should be happy and filled with daisies, right? This is exactly why poor kids and abused kids and homeless kids seek out poor, abused, homeless companions. Once they've seen what life is supposed to be like, their lives suck. Everything sucks once you've figured out that it shouldn't," I exploded, leaping to my feet. Rosalie took a step back, which made me laugh – Rosalie the big, scary bitch was afraid. "And damn it, Rosalie, I've noticed how happy all of you are! I've noticed how easy things have been for every one of you despite the whole bloodlust thing. You have money. You have family. You have fun. You have your very own sun on your very own planet and there is no nighttime. There are clouds, but there is not real darkness. My planet doesn't have a sun. It has darkness and it has clouds, but there is no sun."

"Of course there's a sun." Rosalie said. "You just haven't found it."

"Well, then, something tells me it's not with you guys."

"It might be hiding. Maybe it's just too cloudy to see it," she was practically begging now. I didn't know why. If I was gone, her whole life went back to normal. "Please, Bella, just understand that we want you with us."

"I don't think you do."

I turned away and walked back, ignoring the fact that Rosalie walked beside me absolutely every step of the trip to the house.

OoOoO

"Tomorrow," Carlisle said decisively. I looked up from my book to meet his gaze. I raised my eyebrows in question. "We'll deliver the baby tomorrow."

"That soon?"

"Okay, tomorrow afternoon. That's as late as I'm comfortable pushing it."

"But I…alright," I agreed. "Anything I should know before hand?"

"Don't eat, starting at 4 o'clock tonight," he answered, looking at me apologetically. "Sorry, but you shouldn't eat for twenty four hours before major abdominal surgery."

"Great," I said, closing my book. "Do Alice and Jasper know?"

"Yes. You should talk with them."

"Why?"

"I assume the baby will be given a name. Excuse me if I'm wrong in that assumption," Carlisle said, grinning. "They'll also likely need some sort of meeting with you. Babies are emotional things. I'm sure you all have lots of talk about."

"They probably have a name," I said. "And there's nothing I need to talk about."

"Bella," Carlisle said sternly. "I know what you're doing. You're pushing people away."

"No, I'm not."

"Don't lie."

"It's in my nature."

Carlisle sighed and ran a hand over his face. He looked tired and that wasn't even possible. He couldn't be tired.

"Carlisle," I said. "It's nothing personal. I promise."

"No problem," he said, smiling tiredly. "I'm just worried."

"Why?"

"The Volturi's best doctors have managed to save one of four hundred and ninety six mothers. _One_ has lived." He said quietly, sitting down beside me. "I can't help thinking that despite all my positive-thinking pep talks, you're going to die."

"We're all dying, Carlisle."

"Not me. Not Edward, Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Esme. We aren't."

"I'm not you," I pointed out. "I'm going to die."

"Not tomorrow," he said firmly. "You won't die tomorrow."

"It's possible – likely – that I will. Don't go telling yourself I won't."

"Is there nothing that you want to _do_?" He asked. "Just in case you do die?"

"Plenty. Nothing of which is going to happen."

"What do you want to do?"

"Oh, I don't know. A lot of things. Seeing as my death is dangling in front of me, I'm guessing that none of my ideas are rational. I believe in rationality above all things, even though I rarely practice it," I told him, leaning my head back. My major bucket list item was to tell Jasper that I loved him - not like a father. My subtle hint of a belly swollen very largely with his child was apparently not clear enough. "I would, however, really enjoy a big cup of tea."

"Yes, that's very irrational," Carlisle rolled his eyes and stood. "I'll get it."

"Don't worry about it; I'll do it."

"You are likely magnetized to that chair," he laughed as I tried to stand up and failed. I glared up through my longish bangs. I was in desperate need of a haircut. "I'll be right back."

As soon as he left, Jasper came in. Followed by Alice. He probably told them where I was. Conspiring doctor.

"Bells," Jasper said, smiling. "Good, you're here."

_Yay_, I thought. Alice sat down across from me and Jasper took the seat next to her. I felt like I was being made Pope. They were looking at me like it that exciting, at least.

"We wanted to talk to you about baby names," Alice said with a little squeal. I flinched. Had she always been so loud? I knew I was just looking for faults so I could convince myself that they really weren't all that great when I decided it was time to go, but I honestly didn't remember her being that loud. "I'm so excited!"

"Are you? I'm not."

"What? Why?" Alice asked, shocked. I looked at her incredulously.

"_You_ just get your baby handed to you. _I'm_ undergoing major abdominal surgery. It's all fun and games for _you_."

"Why on earth would you agree to this, then?"

"To help you."

Alice took a deep breath, likely to calm herself, and folded her little hands neatly in her lap. Jasper was focused intently on my stomach. I could feel him - probably accidentally - projecting love and anticipation into the room. Alice shoved him to say _knock it off_.

"Baby names? What do you think?" She asked cheerfully. I shrugged.

"Not my baby," I answered. "You should choose."

"It's your baby, too," Jasper intervened, tearing his eyes away from my stomach. "I think you should get just as much say as either of us do."

"I don't. Your baby, your name, your choice. Not that hard to understand."

"Our baby, our name, our choice."

"Jasper, do you honestly believe that this baby is mine? It belongs to you and Alice. You're its rightful 'owners'," I argued. "Look at it this way: does the guy who builds your car get to decide what you do with it?"

"No…"

"You get to decide, right? It's your car. Just because the guy with a wrench put it together doesn't mean it's his," I said firmly. Both Alice and Jasper were looking at me, flabbergasted. "Oh, honestly. I'm the guy with the wrench, you two are the happy car owners. Get it?"

"Yeah, except not at all," Jasper said. "I helped make that baby."

"Fine, be a shareholder in the company. You just happen to be married to the girl who bought the car," I agreed. "Good idea, supporting your business."

"Why can't you support the business?"

"Me, guy with a wrench. You, shareholder. Probably CEO or CFO, or some other C-something-O name. Very important."

"You're important," Alice argued. I sighed.

"Do you want your child to grow up with two moms? Jeez, Alice, stick with Jasper."

Carlisle came back in, holding my tea in one hand and a hunk of chocolate in the other. I raised my eyebrows suspiciously. It wasn't just a chunk: it was like Mount Everest.

"What? Got PMS, Carlisle?"

"For you," He said. "I read that women love nothing more than sex or chocolate, sometimes sex and chocolate. Seeing as the whole sex thing is out, I brought chocolate."

"Aw, no sex? How fair is that?" I teased, taking the hunk of chocolate that was the size of my head from his hand. I bit off a large bite only to find that it was milk chocolate. I loved milk chocolate. I grinned at him, completely aware of the chocolate that was likely stuck between my teeth. "Never mind. This is good enough."

"That's what I thought," Carlisle chuckled. "Eat up. It's your last food for the next two days probably.

Jasper chose that moment to butt in.

"Two whole days? Carlisle, that's like making us go without blood for a month!" He exclaimed, putting a hand on my shoulder. "That's completely unfair. You're going to hurt her."

"No, she'll be fine. She'll be worse if she eats."

"Jazz, calm down. It's two days. I've gone longer," I reassured him. That only seemed to make him angrier, though. "Oh, come off it, Jasper. We all know I was an abused little girl. Being angry is not going to change that. Heck, you've already killed the guys who did it. Well, most of them."

His eyes narrowed.

Oops. I shouldn't have said 'most'.

"There are more?" He growled. I smiled weakly.

"Yeah. About eleven."

"I'll kill them." Jasper growled. I hushed him in boredom.

"You can't kill every person who's ever done something immoral, Jasper. The world would have a population of one because you'd have killed everyone except yourself."

"I've done immoral things," he protested. "I'm not perfect."

"Trust me, I know. Now, have you and Alice come up with any baby names yet?" I asked. I figured that if I just agreed with their name choice, he'd let me off the hook. Jasper looked at Alice nervously.

"Well, we were sort of thinking Sophie for a girl and Connor for a boy," Jasper said, still looking apprehensive. Alice smiled excitedly. I could tell she was leaning towards 'girl'. "What do you think?"

"I think those are great names," I said with a smile. Honestly, I wasn't going to argue their name choice. What was I supposed to say? _Oh, no, sorry. You picked lame names for your kids._ Who the hell would say that? Besides, they weren't bad choices. Not what I'd name my son or daughter, but definitely what Alice would name hers. "Good choice."

"You have no input?" Alice asked, surprised. I shook my head.

"Nope. I love the name Sophie. Connor is good, too."

"What would be better than Connor?" Jasper asked. I rolled my eyes, but obliged.

"I've always been partial to Josh. Don't worry, though, I like Connor," I reassured him. "I can probably browbeat Edward into naming his baby Josh."

"If our baby is a boy, we'll name him Josh," Jasper promised, not even looking to Alice for confirmation. In fact, the way he said 'our baby' almost felt like Alice wasn't included at all. "If not, Edward will agree."

"Probably," Alice agreed. "That boy is obsessive over your every whim."

"Good to know."

"I'm so excited," Alice squealed. "Picking a name is so much harder than I thought it would be, but it's so much fun!"

"Thrilling," I said sarcastically. "So, you're getting your baby tomorrow. At four; right, Carlisle?"

"Yes."

"Okay. So what are you going to do with it?" I asked. "It needs to be fed every few hours. It needs to have its diaper changed. It needs to sleep. Can you guys handle that?"

"Of course," Jasper said indignantly. "We looked after you alright. You're still alive."

"For now," I winked. "But, really, babies are more effort than a self-sufficient sixteen year old."

"Sixteen?" Jasper exclaimed. "You're fifteen!"

"Not since September."

"Why didn't you say something?" He asked, looking quite disgruntled. "We should have asked. We're a terrible family. I'm sorry."

"Birthdays are overrated. I think. I wouldn't know. I forget." I thought about it for a moment and could barely remember having a birthday party when I was six. I think it was fun. There was cake. Cake was fun. "I think the cake part was good."

"You've never had a birthday party?" Alice screeched, grasping at her face in horror.

"No. I had one when I was six. And before that, I think. Then dad died and it wasn't really much fun anymore," I sighed, remembering the introduction of Phil. He'd been so nice to me until I was twelve and he and mom finally got married. Then he started to hit me. When I was twelve, he also started touching me. It was just a few weeks after I got my first period and just after mom 'died' that he started raping me. "Then along came Phil. I spent too much time hiding bruises from my mom to think about birthdays and stuff. Actually, I think he hurt her, too. I don't know. He was always nice when he was around both of us, but it wasn't like mom to forget stuff like my birthday. He must have hurt her, too."

"I love you," Jasper said weakly, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "And I'm so sorry all of this happened to you."

"No worries. It's all gone now."

"But you still remember. That makes me so sad."

"How about I forget it, then?"

"That's not possible," he said miserably.

"I could pretend to forget about it. It only bothers you when I talk about it," I suggested. He looked at me, stunned. "I can shut up pretty well."

"Talking is what heals things, Bella. I can't ask you to stop talking about it."

"Sure you can. You say, 'Bella, would you please stop talking about your childhood? It disturbs me'. And I'll say, 'Sure, Jasper. Thanks for letting me know'. End of story."

"Except then you'll be really sad all the time and won't be able to tell anyone," he pointed out. I laughed.

"I'm really sad all the time and don't tell anyone already, Jasper. It can't change much."

"You're always sad. And…and I think I make you sad," Jasper said very quietly. I'd forgotten about his little ability. Emotions. I couldn't hide those from him. "Now you feel guilty. And frustrated."

"Yes. You don't need to know what makes me sad. I hate that I can't even keep that to myself anymore."

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"I know, but you're angry."

"I am fine. Go on. It's time for me to go to bed. I'm tired," I stood up and winced. The baby kicked again. And again. And again. I grabbed Alice's hand and pressed it against my stomach. "Feel that, Alice? That's your little baby."

"She's strong!" Alice exclaimed. I nodded and winced again as it kicked me in the ribs. "Jazzy, come feel our baby!"

Jasper tentatively pressed his palm against my stomach and jumped when the baby elbowed him right in the hand. A slow smile spread across his face and he looked at Alice with the purest look of excitment I'd ever seen. He kissed her cheek softly and wrapped his arms around both of us tenderly.

"Our baby," he whispered to her. She nodded, looking teary-eyed. They wrapped themselves up together and didn't let go. I was obviously not needed for this part, so I went to bed. I slept until one o'clock the next day.

Carlisle was shaking me awake while whispering things that I had to do before my surgery. I brushed him off and went into the living room, deciding that if I showed up, all was well.

I was having my first baby today.


	12. Chapter 12

Warning, guys - there's a little Edward/Bella confusion here. I'll explain it in future chapters. For now, just roll with it. Enjoy!

BELLA POV

I was dizzy. Very dizzy. And slightly turned on.

I'd just been saying goodbye to everyone. I'd sat through countless words of encouragement only to be pummeled with 'goodbyes' and 'good lucks'. 'You'll be fine, Bella. But just in case, goodbye.' Way to make me feel optimistic.

I said goodbye to Rosalie and Emmett first because I knew they'd be the least emotional. Rosalie smiled at me encouragingly, which was a first. Emmett hugged me in his least deadly bear hug. He said he didn't want to break me. I asked him secretly if he had anything to eat – I was starving.

Then I said goodbye to Esme, who attempted to cry and gave me a hug as big as Emmett's. She told me how much I meant to her and how wonderful I was. Then she passed me off tearfully to Alice and Jasper.

Alice hugged me delicately and whispered an 'it'll be okay' into my ear. Jasper kissed every inch of my face and held me for a long time. He told me how I was the best daughter he'd ever had. I laughed and told him I was the only one. He agreed, but said I would still be the best. He kissed my head one more time before sending me off to Edward.

I was expecting to be hugged gruffly and have my hair ruffled before I was shuffled off to Carlisle's illegal operation room, but I was clearly mistaken. He just held my face and looked at me for a long time. His thumb brushed along my cheekbone. I smiled at him and he smiled at me. Very tenderly.

I turned to go, but a hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me back. I was pressed into the counter by a hard, cold body. Edward's arms wrapped around me tightly in an embrace that was very fortunate because the accompanying kiss would have knocked me to the ground. He worshiped my mouth with his gloriously skilled tongue and I nearly passed out.

When he pulled away, both of us were breathing hard. Jasper was looking on with a distinct rage in his eyes.

Overprotective Dad.

"Be safe," Edward whispered and I stole another kiss. And another. "Please."

"I will," I struggled for breath. I kissed him again, only more desperately, if possible. "Bye."

"Bye." He caught my lips one more time before Carlisle dragged me away and downstairs.

This brought us to my current state of desire. Oh, and the dizziness.

I was now sitting on the operating table, looking around blankly. I new I had the look of a lost puppy, but I didn't care. What I did care about was deciding what the hell had provoked Edward to kiss me. My guess was fear that I would die. Okay. But then why would that matter? If I was dying, why would he feel an overwhelming need to kiss me if he felt nothing for me? It didn't add up. It didn't make sense.

"Can you lay down, Bella?" Carlisle asked me gently, obviously aware of my current mental state. I lay back slowly, still staring blankly ahead. Carlisle checked my pulse and my blood pressure and all sorts of other things. Lastly, he wiped my arm with a cold liquid. His eyes were filled with a thousand different emotions despite the cool, professional expression on his face. He was holding a syringe.

"Anesthetic?" I asked. He nodded. I took a deep breath and rested my head on the table. "Can you do something for me?"

"Of course."

"If…if I don't wake up…will you tell Jasper I love him? And he was a good dad?"

Carlisle's face broke from its expressionless expression and he looked down at me sadly.

"Absolutely," he said quietly. He kissed my forehead and pressed the needle against my arm. "Anything else?"

"Nope." I sighed. He pushed the needle into my arm and emptied it. I panicked. "Yes. Thank you, Carlisle. For taking me back. I love…"

But I fell asleep.

OoOoO

EDWARD POV

I stood outside Carlisle's operating room, waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Minutes ticked by like days. What was taking so long? It shouldn't take four hours to do a simple C-section. This was insane. He was stalling. Something was wrong, wasn't it?

I completely forgot about my ability to just read his mind and know.

That's how far gone I was. She affected me so much that I could barely function when her life was in danger. Anyone else's and I'd be fine. But hers…everything had a strange, murky quality. The world was out of balance without her.

I was just about to go bursting through the door to find out for myself when it opened. Carlisle stepped out, holding a little bundle of pink cloth. He smiled at me, but brushed past. He went straight to Jasper and placed the little bundle in his arms.

A baby. A girl. Sophie.

Jasper was almost in tears. Alice was peering down at the baby in his arms, little hands pressed over her mouth delightedly. Jasper held his daughter with one arm and Alice with the other, curling them all into one ball of a family. A weird family, definitely, because Alice and Jasper were not together romantically, which I was eternally thankful for. For the first time in a long tim, that was the furthest thing from my mind.

Where was Bella?

"Carlisle?" I asked, glancing toward the door. He smiled and nodded.

"Scrub up first." He ordered. I nodded. Of course I would scrub up. I always scrubbed up before entering an operation room. I wasn't an idiot.

I was vaguely aware of Jasper's growing dislike for every male in the vicinity, hearing primal thoughts run through his brain – just words like '_mine!_' and '_away_' and '_my baby_'. I had barely latched the door when I heard Carlisle's shout and the distinct sound of a vampire's arm being wrenched from his body. Apparently, vampires were _very_ protective of their offspring.

My worry for Bella took over and I put Jasper out of my mind as I washed my hands all the way to my elbows and donned a protective coat and mask. It was unlikely that a vampire would carry anything that could be detrimental to Bella's recovery, but I was _not_ going to take chances. I considered wearing a hair net, but decided that it wouldn't matter: my hair couldn't fall out.

Bella was laying on the table still, completely unconscious. Her face was white and smooth. She looked like she was sleeping, except much more peaceful than that. She usually frowned in her sleep. Today she was expressionless, which seemed almost like a smile compared to her normal appearance. She was always so sad.

She was also almost cold, which I noticed when I took her ghostly pale hand. Just almost. Her temperature was at 95 degrees Celsius, which was chilly for her but slightly cool for me. She was definitely still warm, just not quite as much as normal. I suspected Carlisle had lowered her temperature to thicken her blood, which would minimize bleeding and therefore create a more stable environment for her body. Blood was good, but only if it was in her veins. Her heart rate was at 87, which was barely elevated. I figured that it was normal, though, because her blood was thick: her heart was compensating. Her blood pressure was at 110 over 70; slightly low, but possibly a result of thickened blood. Everything seemed normal. That made me happy.

What didn't make me happy was the set of electrical paddles that were fully charged and gelled, already sitting on a table beside her. Had Carlisle expected her to flat line during the surgery? The transplant coolers with a heart, liver, and kidney that were sitting on the counter didn't help my mental state, either. Neither did the bypass machine sitting in the corner, all prepped and ready to go. I understood precautions, but this was way past that. This was nearing hopelessness. _That_ didn't make me happy.

"You did wonderfully," I whispered to her, kissing her forehead. Her skin was as smooth as ever, with the added taste that hospitals always gave: latex. She tasted like rubber.

But she was so alive.

Carlisle appeared at my side, watching over my shoulder as I finished my examination. He finished reattaching his arm while I finished up. I nodded to him and he understood: he had passed my inspection. I wasn't going to kill him.

"Plenty of precautionary plans," I noted, nodding toward the bypass machine, the donated organs, and the gelled paddles. Carlisle sighed and patted my back.

"You can never be too careful. Especially with someone who has Bella's luck." He smiled through his face mask and twirled a syringe between his fingers, nodding to the IV in Bella's forearm. "Wake her up?"

"Will she be in pain?"

"Not with the amount of morphine I gave her," Carlisle answered, raising his eyebrows. "I don't want to take chances – who knows the effects a C-section for a vampire child could have? No, she's going to be as pain-free as possible."

I took the syringe and injected it into her IV. It only took about forty seconds before her eyes fluttered open and focused on my face. She was instantly confused.

"Carlisle?" She asked, reaching out in disbelief. "You look like…oh…Edward. Hi."

"Hi." I smiled. She wrapped her fingers around my thumb and held on tightly. "How are you feeling?"

"High as a kite. What's Carlisle got me on?"

"Morphine. Looks like five milligrams." I looked to Carlisle for confirmation and he nodded. "You shouldn't be in any pain for the next, oh, twelve years."

"Hell yeah," Bella grinned. "How's the baby?"

"Your _daughter_ is doing wonderfully," I smiled. "Sophie is drinking a bottle as we speak. Alice is doing some last minute shopping online, so Jasper's feeding her. Do you want to see her?"

"No, no, it's fine," she answered. "Alice and Jasper should be with her. People say the first few moments are the best."

"You should share them, don't you think?" Carlisle asked, brushing some hair out of her eyes. "I'll send for them."

"Let them have their fun. From what I've heard, these babies grow really quickly. I don't want them to miss a thing."

"You shouldn't be missing your daughter's first day."

"She's not mine, she's Alice's," Bella said softly, closing her eyes. "Damn, this stuff is good. Where can I get my hands on some?"

"Does Alice have a problem with sharing?" Carlisle asked. "We've made it very clear that all babies are one third yours, as well. I can't see Alice being so vindictive."

"She's not, trust me. She's just as eager for me to be a part of her baby's life."

"Then, why not?"

"Because, Edward, I'm the surrogate mom. Alice is the real mom. Maybe I'll get to play auntie or something, but definitely not Mom Number Two. That seems very college vacation-ish, don't you think?"

"You gave birth to that little girl. She grew inside of you," Edward whispered, brushing his fingers across my face. "She is _yours_."

"I would make a terrible mother, Edward. I'd need twenty years of therapy before I could even consider being able to cope with it," I sighed and turned to look at the ceiling. "I'm screwed up. That's not something I want to pass along to anyone's child."

"Don't you think you should pass it on to your own? Pass something on to your own?"

"What does she look like?" I asked. It might seem random to them, but it wasn't to me. Carlisle looked confused, but answered anyway.

"She has Jasper's blonde curls. Adorable brown eyes. Just like yours."

Edward smiled at that, touching my temple with his thumb.

"See? I passed along my eyes," I said. Edward ceased smiling. Very suddenly. "What?"

"I just wish you wouldn't do that. You underestimate yourself so much," he told me, leaning against my metal table. I waved a hand in dismissal and proceeded to ignore Edward's insane protestations that I was so important. It was ridiculous to think that I would be necessary any longer than the birthing process dictated: surrogate mothers weren't part of the family.

"Carlisle?"

"Hmm?"

"When am I allowed to go back to my room?" I asked, shifting uncomfortably. "These metal tables aren't nearly as comfortable to me as they are to you."

"We'll move you in a bit, Bella, but I don't want you moving immediately. I know doctors say you're supposed to walk to avoid blood clots, but you already have naturally thin blood. Clots won't be a problem and I don't want you ripping your stitches."

"So, in other words, get used to the bench?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Carlisle smiled, ruffling my hair. I glared up at him and crossed my arms over my chest.

"This is even less dignifying than the time I couldn't get out of Jasper's lazy boy," I muttered, closing my eyes. "Now if you'd all stop ogling at the unusual state of my aliveness, I'd like to sleep."

"Of course you would," Edward chuckled. "Done nothing but sleep for the last two weeks and the first thing you want to do after regaining consciousness is sleep some more."

"Shut up. You suffer through rapid pregnancy and see how chipper _you_ are, asshole," I murmured tiredly. "_You're _not even chipper after you've beaten Emmett in a wrestling match."

"Sleep, Bella," Carlisle said with humour lacing his stern tone. I rolled my closed eyes and fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

BELLA POV

"_I wanna make love right now, now, now! I wanna make love right now, now, now!_" Emmett's loudness carried throughout the house, waking me up from a deep sleep. I stared groggily at the ceiling for a minute, trying to figure out why there was a strange feeling of gravity surrounding today. What was going on?

Right. Damn.

Little Sophie was fast approaching the normal age of three months (which was tomorrow) and was dancing, singing, and strutting her way into her developmental age of two and a half years old. Tomorrow I would be, once again, impregnated – it was Emmett and Rosalie's turn for a child. I'd decided, since I wasn't staying, that Emmett and Rosalie would get a baby after all.

"Shut up!" I whined, rolling out of bed and stumbling into the hallway. It was almost seven o'clock in the morning. Emmett's 'wake-up calls' usually came before six. Today, I was a lucky girl. He came bursting into the room, singing, dancing, and making inappropriate innuendos. Jazz hands and all. It was just _beautiful_. Ha. "Get lost!"

"But, sista! You are going to bear the fruit of my loins!"

"Tomorrow," I pointed out. "Go away."

"Emmett, leave her alone," Rosalie said sternly, waving him away. She sat down on my bed. "Bella, we've been meaning to talk with you. Since Emmett can't control himself, I'll do the talking. We wanted to discuss names."

"What have you been thinking?" I asked innocently. Rosalie smiled.

"Agnes and Horatio."

"…Oh," I said kindly. "How – how nice."

My child was going to be named Horatio? Well, their child? That I would have to be around for a while? Dear lord.

"Bella!" Rosalie exclaimed. "Are you going to agree to anything we suggest?"

"What?"

"Of course I'm not going to name my child Agnes or Horatio! I'm a bitch, but I'm not cruel," she said, raising her eyebrows as if daring me to object. I remained silent. "Grow a backbone. I hate it when you go against my wishes, but it's better than you surrendering to everyone's will like a tiny, scared mouse."

"I'm not a mouse."

"No, but you have the backbone of a bug!"

"Bugs don't have bones."

"Exactly," she said smugly. "Anyways, Emmett and I have been talking. We agreed to each pick out one name. He chose boy and I chose girl. Now, Emmett likes the name 'William'. I like 'Gwyn' for a girl. What do you think?"

They were both very tasteful names, even if Emmett's idea was a tad unoriginal.

"I like them," I told Rosalie, even though I was miffed that they hadn't chosen 'Josh'. It was my all-time favourite boy's name. "I really like Gwyn."

"Me, too, but I just know it's going to be a boy," Rosalie said, rubbing my stomach. It was still weird to have her touch me, but I was getting used to it. She was sort of obsessive about the baby. Even though I wasn't even pregnant yet. "I can just feel it."

"I'm not pregnant yet, Rose."

"I know. But I've always known I would have a boy."

"Uh-huh. I've got five on it being a girl."

She rolled her eyes.

"You think I'm wrong?" She asked. "I'm rarely wrong."

"I think you're wrong more often than people tell you," I said, laughing. "Honestly, Rosalie, why would anyone tell you that you're wrong? You're liable to rip their heads off!"

"I'm not that bad," she defended. The prospect of a baby had a softening effect on Rosalie. She knew that she was going to be a mother soon and that made her more at peace with the world than she had ever been. Even before she was changed.

"Not now," I agreed. I sat up and rubbed the ridge of my scar along the base of my stomach. I had bounced back to perfect shape in the first eight weeks of being un-pregnant. It took me another two to be free of the strange tugging sensation that my scar had given me. It healed really slowly on the inside. Nothing had ever itched like that sucker. "I'm going to find Jasper."

"Right here," he said about a second later, appearing in the doorway at the same instant. "Downstairs, m'lady?"

"Yeah. But I can walk. Learned how years ago." I brushed past him, grabbing a fistful of his shirt as I passed, dragging him along with me. "Come on, you, I'm horny."

"Really?" He said interestedly, perking right up. He followed me right into the bathroom and stood watching, waiting. I rolled my eyes. What did he think I wanted him here for, anyway?

"You're married, asshole. I just want you to calm me down."

"But I want to play."

"You. Are. Married," I told him, turning away from his prying eyes. I was uncomfortable with Jasper's ability to hit on other women while married. I figured he must be teasing me. His hands found my shoulders and I met his eyes in the mirror. "What? Is this about my scar again? It's ugly, Jasper, I'm not going to show you."

"That scar…saved my family. That scar is beautiful to me," he said softly, sliding his hands under my shirt to touch it gently with a cool finger. My stomach tightened. "I've never appreciated anything more."

"Well," I said, flustered. This wasn't fair. I was so attracted to him that I sometimes forgot to breathe. "I have to shower. You should, you know…"

"I could stay," he reasoned. "That way Alice doesn't have to help you."

Yeah, I needed help in and out of the shower because of my massive scar.

"No, no. I know you think that it's going to be magical and some sort of tribute to the love I have for you guys, but once you see it…"

"Once I see it, I won't be able to control myself," he smirked teasingly, wrapping his arms further around my body. "I'm not sure you could keep up with me."

"I'm quite adept at keeping up, thanks," I teased him. I did not want Jasper to see me naked like this. Also, as pleasant as it was to have Jasper cop a feel, he was married to my best friend in the whole world. And I was a royal screw up, so I knew it couldn't be healthy for me to cling to him like this.

"Please?"

I looked up into his big, innocent eyes that told me he just wanted to help. I looked at his soft hands around my waist and at the absolute, non-violent, kind look on his face. Jasper wouldn't hurt me. I knew that if I refused for real, he wouldn't object. He respected me and my right to privacy.

Maybe that's why I did it.

"Alright, then."

"You're joking," he said, wide-eyed.

"Nope."

"I can watch?" He asked with a teasing smirk. I smacked his shoulder.

"No! You can help me in."

"I've missed helping you," he whispered, stepping back. A grin spread across his face. "I've missed you needing me."

"You can make me breakfast, if you'd like."

"If I'd like?" he stammered. "I've been begging for more Bella time for weeks!"

"Well, I'm sick of shattering your hope."

"Good."

"Cover your eyes," I said with a teasing glare. He turned around awkwardly. I pulled my shirt over my head and hoped to God that he didn't open his eyes. I was still black and blue around the scar and my stomach hadn't fully retracted yet. My pants hit the floor, too, along with my underwear. "Okay."

He turned around, but his eyes remained dutifully closed.

"Do you need help getting in?" His question was sort of awkward and he was making a show of covering his eyes with his hands, like he was hoping to lessen the tension by being goofy. I had to admit, I felt more comfortable knowing that he wasn't freaking out about my nakedness, but taking it in stride.

"Well," I considered. "That _is_ the whole point of you even being here."

"I thought you wanted me to stay for moral support," he joked, reaching out for me blindly. I realized abruptly that this was probably very dangerous. Jasper was currently blind, a thousand times stronger than I was, and swinging his hands at me aimlessly.

"Easy, cowboy," I grabbed his hands and attached one each to my upper arms. "No smacking the human, alright?"

His hands closed around my arms – the safest place I could think of for him to grab me – and he hoisted me into the air like a feather pillow. I guided him toward the bathtub with various commands of 'left', 'right', and 'don't whack my head off the ceiling, you oaf'. Finally, I would up standing in the shower, completely unharmed. I secured the shower curtain from all sides and told Jasper to wait on the toilet until I was finished.

He sat quietly for about thirty seconds, at which point he started blurting out question after question about the most mundane things in the world.

"What's your favourite kind of ice cream?"

"Um, chocolate peanut butter."

"Do you like purple?"

"Yes," I answered, bewildered. He simply made a humming sound like he was deep in thought.

"You don't wear purple," he commented. I lathered my hair with a second coating of shampoo and waited to see where this was going, amused.

"No," I agreed. "That's because I don't own anything purple."

"I think purple is a nice colour," he told me. What the fuck?

"Not to be rude, Jasper, but what the hell does the colour purple in my wardrobe have anything to do with…well, anything?"

"Nothing, really," he said. "I just wanted to know why you never wear it."

"Okay." Weird.

"You know, Edward says you look beautiful in blue."

"Good for him."

"I told him that was a lie," he said conversationally. "You look beautiful in everything."

"Including purple?"

"I don't know. You never wear it."

I laughed to myself. _Someone_ was clearly having a slow day, seeing as a conversation about my colour choices was apparently the best thing happing right now.

"I like green the best, though," he informed me. I finished rinsing the shampoo from my hair and grabbed the conditioner bottle. I squirted a little bit onto my palm and rubbed it through my hair, brushing out tangles as I went. Jasper continued to chatter mindlessly about absolutely nothing. "Do you like classic rock?"

"I like The Who," I said with a chuckle. "Other than that, I don't know much about music, really. I used to steal Phil's radio when he was at work, but it only picked up the oldies country station. I mean, I love country, but I don't know anything outside of that."

"Except The Who."

"Right."

"I like The Who. They were good in concert. I saw them in March of '69," he told me. His words were getting tense, like he was distracted or in pain.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes," he said tightly. I grabbed the bottle of body wash that Alice kept in the shower for me and uncapped it. "Do you dream a lot?"

"Yes," I answered, surprised by this question. It was the first one with any sort of significance to it. "Mostly about Phil and what his friends did to me."

"Do you dream about nice things?"

"Yes," I smiled. I smeared the body wash all over my body, using a loofa to spread it around. I was very sudsy and very clean-smelling. "I dream about you, me, and Alice running away from everything and hiding in the woods like you promised. I dream about picking out drapes for our cabin."

"Fuck," Jasper swore, shocking the hell out of me. Jasper _never_ swore. The fact that he never swore was compounded by the fact that he was a soldier and swearing was a given. So when the F-bomb fell out of his mouth, I dropped both my jaw and the bottle of body wash.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes," he said quickly. "Yes, I'm fine. Totally fine."

_That_ certainly sounded convincing. I bent down and grabbed the bottle of body wash and set it back on the shelf. After I rinsed everything off of me, I turned off the water and wrung out my hair.

"Okay, Jasper, eyes closed," I ordered. I waited a second. "Are they closed?"

"Yes."

I opened the curtain slowly and found Jasper standing in front of me, eyes squeezed shut, and holding out my towel. I took it from him, holding it between us for a moment while I kissed his cheek and left a soaking wet spot on his skin. He made a face and wiped it off, but smiled at me anyways.

I dried off quickly, then wrapped the towel around my body under my arms and cleared my throat.

"Okay, I've got the towel on now," I told Jasper. "So you can open your eyes. I'm decent, I promise."

He opened one eye tentatively and found me wrapped up like Fort Knox. I ignored the amused look on his face in favour of giving him a pointed look to get me out of the tub, which he did without complaint.

"Can you get dressed and everything?"

"Yep," I told him. "Carlisle's going to apply my final coat of antibiotic cream today and then tomorrow is baby time!"

Jasper looked thoroughly unimpressed that I would be bearing Emmett's child tomorrow.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" he asked seriously. I could tell his inquiry was pretty evenly split between wanting to make sure I was okay with this and wanting to prevent me from doing it at all. I found that very sweet.

"Yes, Jasper. I promised the family I would help them and I intend to keep that promise."

"You've already helped so much!" he exclaimed. "You gave us Sophie. You gave _me_ Sophie. I – I couldn't possibly ask you for more than that. She's just…amazing, Bella."

I looked away. I was absolutely sure that Sophie would be the most perfect child on the face of the earth. She was fifty percent Jasper, which meant that even my contribution to her genetic make-up couldn't possibly detract from her flawlessness. I'd seen her only once since she was born, when she was asleep in Jasper's arms. She had been an angel. Her face was peaceful, dimpled, and completed by a halo of white blond curls almost identical to her daddy's.

I couldn't taint her, no matter how badly I wanted to see her. I had to stay away.

"I want you to consider letting us use someone else," Jasper said bluntly. His golden eyes were filled to the brim with concern and fear. Jasper didn't do fear, so that made my stomach knot up. "The first time, your survival wasn't good. The fact that you lived is testament to Carlisle's skills as a doctor and surgeon. The second time…Bella, your chances of survival go down with every day you are pregnant."

"I know."

"Bella, I love you. Don't make me go through life without you."

"You've lived one hundred and forty-nine years as a vampire without me. Surely you can survive again," I reasoned. Before I could move, he crushed me into a hug so tight that I felt my ribs compress.

"You underestimate my love for you," he whispered. His lips pressed into my temple firmly. "I can't live without you, not now that I know what life is at your side."

"You shouldn't," I said, feeling abruptly angry. "You shouldn't love me. I'm no good, Jasper. I'm only as good as what I can give you. I can't give you anything but this last chance at safety from the Volturi."

"Please don't," he begged. "Don't talk about yourself like that."

"Just…stay away from me, Jasper. If you know what's good for you and for Sophie, just pretend I don't exist."

"I can't do that."

In a fit of rage mixed with a desire to leave Jasper and Sophie untainted by my touch, I shoved him away and clutched my towel fiercely.

"I don't need you, Jasper! I'm sixteen years old! I've lived life practically alone for the last several years and I've given birth to a baby! I don't need someone to coddle me and keep me safe! I can do that on my own!"

He took a step back, his face more ashen than his usual pale. I could see the confusion, the hurt, in his eyes. His hands were still held out to me, like he wasn't sure how I'd wound up out of his arms and shouting.

"Just – just go take care of your baby," I begged, tears filling up my eyes. "Please."

Jasper turned slowly, still looking shocked, and left the bathroom. I stood by myself in my towel, growing increasingly freezing cold as I dripped onto the ceramic tiles. I shook from both the cold and from the devastation I felt at having just thrown Jasper from me. It was for the best, though. I couldn't offer him anything – not comfort, not love, not happiness. I was a mess and I refused to pass that on to anyone else.

Especially Jasper, whom I loved more than anyone in the world, and the angel we had created. The angel who I had seen all but once, but who would surely capture my heart just as surely as Jasper had. The only two people I could truly call family in this world; people I couldn't bear to infect with my filth.

I wouldn't be staying long enough to become a long-term fixture in either of their lives. Where would I go after I had provided the Cullens with three hybrid children? That was a mystery to me, still. Perhaps I would die and save everyone the trouble of my leaving. Perhaps I could fade out as the Cullen family was made complete. Surely that wouldn't be so bad? Surely giving my life for the ones I loved was somehow noble. Surely this was an act of goodness.

Surely it was for the best.


	14. Chapter 14

BELLA POV

"Alright, Bella," Carlisle said with the same unsure awkwardness as the last time we were here to do this. "Um…hop up on the table."

I did so. My breasts bounced between us and Carlisle looked me determinedly in the eye.

"So…physical tests will be run today, just to make sure everything's all set…we have no idea what sort of reaction you might have to another child. We've only ever saved one girl, you remember, so we don't know if it's possible to bear more than one. She didn't have another."

"Okay," I smiled, sitting loosely on the cold metal table, aware of the stirrings between my legs at the cool contact. My shoulders were slumped forward as I leaned back on my hands, allowing my breasts to rest on my chest freely, and my legs were relaxed and fallen open. Nakedness didn't bother me now.

"I don't want you to feel awkward about this," Carlisle told me. "All of my tests will be non-invasive."

"Sure," I said, shifting my shoulders. "Feel free."

"Oh…well, okay."

Carlisle's fingers pressed along my neck and just above my belly button.

"Checking your lymph nodes," he muttered. He ran his fingers along my spine. "And that the pregnancy didn't cause any bone damage. Fast growth, you know…"

"Okay. Sure. I don't mind."

"Don't hesitate to ask me to stop."

"Okay."

He tied my arm and drew a vial of blood. Most doctors would send it in for testing, but Carlisle just held it under his nose a moment and sniffed it. Untying my arm, he smiled weakly.

"Your stomach lymph node is slightly enlarged," he told me.

"And?"

"Could mean any number of things. Cancer, possibly."

"So, what's the blood say?"

"Couldn't tell," he muttered. His gaze traveled from my eyes to my chest. And they didn't jerk away apologetically. He looked thoughtful. Then he took one of my breasts in his hands and began to fondle it. Yeah, _non_-invasive.

"Um, Carlisle?"

"Checking for tumors."

"Oh."

He continued to rub and prod at my breast before moving onto the other one. My nipples were hardened and taught under his fingers.

"No tumors," he concluded. "Good."

"Well, let's get on with it."

I spread my legs and Carlisle reached for the syringe. He held it awkwardly between our bodies and looked at me apologetically.

"Sorry about this, Bella," Carlisle said gently. He touched the syringe to my entrance softly and began his gentle prodding there. I felt the coolness of his hands and swelled slightly.

"We talked about the poking, didn't we?" I asked, bored. "Push, Carlisle."

"Right, right," he said, flustered. He pressed harder and slipped the syringe inside of me completely. I felt the coldness of the metal syringe and clenched around it. Carlisle pushed the fluids into me and I moaned, losing control of my physical being completely. "Bella, remember what I told you last time – "

"Then get Jasper in here," I moaned, sliding my hands down his chest and over the front of his pants. He made a quiet 'oho!' sound when I did this. "I need Jasper."

"Yes, okay, let go, Bella," Carlisle said awkwardly, prying my hands open from around him. "Loosen up, darling, easy…"

In seconds, Carlisle was gone and Jasper was in his place.

"Bella?" Jasper said, looking guarded. "Carlisle told me you needed me."

"Yes," I croaked. I clung to his shoulders, naked and squirming. He held me tensely out from his body. "Do your emotion thing, Jasper. _Help me_."

There was a look of intense rage on Jasper's face for all of half a second before he saw the desperate look on mine and began a near instant trickle of calm into my system. As soon as I felt able to control myself around the Cullen men, he stopped and stepped towards the door.

"Bella," Jasper said stiffly. "I need to have a talk with Carlisle."

"But, I – "

"You'll have to excuse me a moment."

"Jasper, don't – "

"I'll be back momentarily."

He flew out of the room and I knew there was no arguing with him on this subject. If he felt Carlisle had put me in danger or acted inappropriately with me, then that was that. The idea of 'hit first, think later' seemed to come into his mind at times like this.

OoOoO

Carlisle was rubbing his jaw tenderly by the time I had donned my clothes, taken a few deep breaths, and entered the living room. I didn't feel anything and that scared me. Normally, I would have been angry, worried, generally upset that someone in this family was hurt, but I felt nothing. So I looked at Jasper, who was fuming. Standing at the door to the illegal laboratory and clenching his fingers into fists and letting them fall loose, again and again as he waited for me to come out. Alice was smirking from her 'Om' position on her egg-shaped chair, little fingers resting on her knees and making her look like a genie, or maybe the weird little psychic that she was.

I just sighed and shoved Jasper's shoulder; he didn't move.

"If you'd let me explain," I told him exasperatedly, "you'd know that your father carried out nothing but a routine medical examination of me, which left me hot and bothered because those cold little fingers turn me on exponentially."

Jasper's eyes flashed. His look at Carlisle was filled with rage and some other possessive emotion that I decided not to delve into. Okay, then.

Fine.

"You're all being idiots," I informed them, rolling my eyes and heading to my room, where I flopped onto my bed and reveled in the lasts remnants of coolness inside of me. I then remembered what happened after the coolness and my heart sank. I was going to go through all of this again, wasn't I? All the bad parts.

I had never told anyone. How could I? Of course Jasper would force me to stop helping them. He was too gentle-hearted to allow me to be in pain for long periods of time.

And pain it had been. There was more of a reason than being 'fat and ugly' for me to keep myself covered entirely at all times while pregnant. I had a large amount of bruises during the pregnancy. My whole torso was tender and blue for a month. I breathed deeply because it hurt too much to expand my sore ribcage much. I'd started taking showers at exactly the same time of day so it would become routine enough that Alice never noticed my decision.

It's not like the empath who was my 'father' - and I detested that; Jasper was _not_ a father to me, not now - would notice the pain that nearly caused me convulsions. He wasn't around often enough to notice things like that anymore. Of course not. Babies were a very busy thing to look after, especially ones who grew so quickly.

One tear rolled down my cheek and landed on my pillow. I pressed my palm against it and closed my eyes.

Just a little longer.

OoOoO

"_Waaah!_"

I froze. I was walking from the bathroom to my bedroom, right past Alice and Jasper's door. Right past where Sophie's little cradle was kept for nighttime. It was nighttime. She was in there.

Crying.

Biting my lip, I stared at the door. _Sophie_. I'd never held her. I'd hardly even seen her since she was born. The only person in this house that I saw less of was Jasper. They were the two people – not including Alice, because she had time for the freaking hobo on the corner – that I felt morally and almost legally obligated to stay the hell away from.

They weren't mine; never had been, never would be. Why should I mess with their lives by invading them? Alice and Jasper had a baby now, a complete family unit. I should stay out of that before I managed to taint it with my severe fucked-up-ness. Sophie was just a baby and I wanted her so badly it hurt, but she was theirs, so I stayed away.

But I wanted her. It was like a little – large – hole in my being, right where she had made her little home in my belly, had been created when she was born. And nothing could fill it. Not Jasper, not the prospect of another baby, not the count down to my last day here.

"_Waah!_"

With a shaking hand, I pushed the ajar door open a few feet and stepped into the dark room. The light from the hallway flooded the room and lit up Sophie's round little face and glinted off her blond curls from where she was standing in her crib, gripping the rails tightly with her plump little fingers. Tears welled up in my eyes.

She stopped crying at once and reached a hand out to me, twirling it around in a circle, almost like she was beckoning me closer. I stepped forward and she giggled. I almost broke down into hysterics right then.

She had Jasper's cheeky little dimples. God, I missed him.

She reached her hand out and touched my cheek. I jerked back. She was hot. And she wasn't supposed to be near me. Who knew how easily I wore off on people? Too easily to be around an innocent little baby.

Her lip quivered. So did mine. So I reached into the crib and pulled her out. She latched her arms around my neck and I held her to my front. She must be about the size of a two and a half year old by now. She was much bigger than when I'd last seen her, at about ten months.

She buried her little face into my neck and burrowed there like a kitten.

"Goo," she sighed as she slipped back into her cute baby sleep. I touched her golden curls. What if Alice cut them off one day? Would they grow back? Would she always have those dimples, just like Jasper's? Would she always seem so accepting of me? What would happen when she realized I was bad for her and most people?

Nothing. Because I wouldn't be here. I was glad. I wouldn't have to see all these things about my baby girl changing before my very eyes, taking her farther from me and closer to the Cullens.

She huffed in her sleep and I rested my cheek on her head. It felt so nice to finally hold my baby. Because, yes, in my heart, she was my baby. I'd given her life. I felt almost compelled to love her, even though I would have all by myself. Secretly, but that didn't change now. She was mine secretly.

In my hysterical delusions, at least.

"Bella?"

I almost dropped her. Instead, I gripped her tighter and swirled around wickedly fast. Jasper was standing in the doorway, a flannel baby blanket in one hand and a pacifier in the other. He looked every inch the great dad I was sure he was.

But he was staring at me with the strangest expression on his face.

"She was crying," I blurted out, terrified at being caught. I set her hastily back in her cradle and stepped quickly, awkwardly, around Jasper's frame in the doorway, careful not to touch him. I could dull my feelings well enough, but touching him left you no choice. "I'm sorry."

"Bella, no – "

But I was already gone, racing down the hallway, suppressing tears and the urge to bolt back into her room and beg him to let me kiss her goodnight.

I collapsed into bed, locking my door and window, drawing my curtains shut, and sobbed myself to sleep.

OoOoO

"Bella, I impregnated you yesterday. You should be excited."

This was Emmett's greeting to my post-tear puffy eyes and abrupt lack of appetite the morning after my incident with Alice and Jasper's daughter.

"I'm excited, Emmett," told him softly. "I just don't feel well."

"Are you going to get gross again?" he asked worriedly, scooting away a few inches on his chair. It made a screeching sound of the floor. I held my throbbing head.

"I'm always gross, Emmett."

"Most of the time," he teased me good naturedly, making my heart squeeze. Yes. Most of the time. I expect I wasn't gross when I was asleep. But I didn't do much of that. I had nightmares.

"Morning, Bells," Alice said cheerily as she entered the kitchen. "Jasper said you went to see Sophie last night."

My heart stopped. Literally, but only for a beat or two. My face flushed.

"I didn't – I just – she was crying," I said timidly. I was still crimson when Edward, Esme, and Carlisle entered the kitchen.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Bella visited Sophie last night," Alice explained. Edward smiled. I withdrew into myself and refused to make eye contact.

"Just for a second," I pleaded with them. "She was crying."

I didn't ever want her to cry. Never again. She should always be happy.

Esme touched my shoulder. I flinched away and sprung to my feet. She looked startled.

Rosalie and Jasper entered, Jasper carrying little Sophie in his arms, giggling and showing off their identical little dimples. Alice rushed to her husband and daughter, clutching them both in tight hugs.

"Careful!" I blurted out a second before I could stop myself. Alice looked at me in surprise, but Jasper just smiled. "I mean, I – '

"It's okay, Bella. I promise not to squeeze too tight," Alice said in her usual Alice tone.

"Sorry," I said instantly.

"Do you want to hold her?" Jasper asked, stretching out his arms. Sophie's tiny fingers stretched towards me, too, and her Jasper-dimples squeezed deep in an extra wide grin.

"Bee," she gurgled, making her twisty hand gesture again.

"That's what she calls you," Jasper explained. I stared.

"She calls me something?"

"Of course. She calls me 'Da' and Alice is 'Awi'. I think she means 'Ali'. I don't know. Edward gets 'Ewur' a lot. Rosalie gets 'Ro'. Esme gets 'May'. Carlisle gets…well, it's weird, but Carlisle gets 'Carlisle'."

I snorted. Only Jasper's child would learn the hardest name first.

"BEE!" she screeched demandingly. She twisted her hands angrily from Jasper's arms. I jumped. Edward caught my elbow and steadied me. Sophie's little lip quivered and tears welled up in her dark eyes. I fought the urge to go to her. Comfort her. That wasn't my job.

"She wants you," Jasper said. I got that, thanks.

"She shouldn't," I said shakily. "That's not a good idea."

"She doesn't bite anything anymore, Bells, it's okay," Emmett said reassuringly.

"I should go," I whispered, tearing my eyes away from the tearful face that was begging me with twisty-hands to come get her. "She shouldn't be around me too much."

"Why?"

"I'm probably not a good influence on kids," I said unsteadily. "I practically raised me and look how I turned out."

"You turned out fine," Rosalie said impatiently. Even Emmett shot her a look. "Get over this stupid pity party thing. It's not attractive."

"Rose – " Esme reprimanded her. I shook my head.

"She's right. There's no point clinging to what used to be, especially if it makes you screwed up. I _should_ get over it," I told Esme. I looked at Sophie. "If only to make sure I don't screw up your kids."

It wasn't lost on me that Rosalie's baby was growing inside of me right now.

"Bella," Jasper said gently. "What happened to you – "

"Is not happening now."

I would no longer be outwardly miserable. Now it was just another secret.

I left the kitchen.


	15. Chapter 15

_WARNING! WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS VIOLENT, GRAPHIC CONTENT THAT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNG READERS. IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH READING RAPE SCENES FROM BELLA'S PAST, PLEASE SKIP THE ITALICIZED PORTION AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CHAPTER._

JASPER POV

Bella was missing.

Not physically. No, she was still there, filling the once empty space that had been so glaringly obvious at my side. But she only half filled it. She stood there, smiled at me, talked to me. But she didn't love me. She didn't take Sophie and I into consideration, at least not emotionally.

Because she didn't take any of us into consideration emotionally anymore. She considered us rationally. Well, it was rational to her. She avoided Alice, Sophie, and I like the plague – she didn't want to 'disrupt our family'. This confused me because, though Alice was my best friend and former lover, we were not a family. Not like Bella and I were.

Oh, Bella. The only thing she had ever disrupted was her own happiness. Maybe she'd thrown us for a bit of a loop in the beginning, but it was different now. We had learned not to be shocked into oblivion when something new and horrifying surfaced in regards to her past. That made my heart squeeze in unimaginable ways.

She was growing up. She was a _mom_. She'd moved from the stage of child into parent. She'd outgrown her need for her father figure and that made me sad, in a way. I didn't know how to be what she wanted now because she seemed to want nothing from me at all. I couldn't bear the thought that she didn't need me like I needed her. So I focused my attention on my daughter and found that she was every bit as lovable as Bella was.

She had the same giggle; the same stubbornness; the same big, brown eyes. The same everything, really, except for her blonde curls and her little dimples. Those were absolutely mine and it thrilled me to see myself being passed down a generation. I'd given up that dream so long ago.

I sat holding my daughter now, watching her scrunch up her nose as she attempted to say 'Edward', the only name she couldn't quite pronounce yet. But my mind drifted away, leaving me to think about the first girl I had called a daughter.

It scared me, how quickly she'd closed herself off from the rest of the world. She was gone as soon as Carlisle had given her the first In Vitro fertilization that, however primitive it was, had created the little bundle of perfection curled up in my lap. Basically, it was 'hello, pregnancy', 'goodbye, Dad'. Yes, it might seem a little narcissistic to refer to myself as 'the rest of the world', but she was the rest of mine, so it only made sense, right? There was Alice, my confidant, and there was Bella. Now there was a Sophie and no Bella.

My little family unit was incomplete.

I wondered if parents felt like this when their kids moved onto bigger and better things, like college, or families of their own. I felt sorry for them if they did. It didn't matter that I hadn't viewed Bella as a daughter since Alice opened my eyes and forced me to acknowledge the truth. Bella was more than a person I loved; she was my missing piece. And she was still missing.

"Jasper," Edward sighed, throwing me a look. "Enough with the melancholy."

I tried to summon the enthusiasm to roll my eyes at him, but it just wasn't going to happen. Not today. Not recently, even.

Sophie looked up at me with teary eyes and a tremulous lower lip – her full, dark lips were yet another thing she'd gotten from her mother. I smiled at her and pushed back in the chair, starting the rocking motion that always put her out like a light bulb for the night.

"I know, sweetie," I kissed her head and she made a fist around the pocket of my shirt.

"Mommy," she whispered heartbreakingly. I snuggled her closer and hoped against hope that Alice wasn't aware of Sophie's deep attachment to her biological mother. Alice spent nearly every moment of her time beings the best substitute mom a little girl had ever had, but Sophie was oblivious: she wanted Bella, her _real_ mom. "Mommy, mommy…"

"Shhh, Sophie," I murmured weakly. "Daddy's got you."

OoOoO

BELLA POV

I lay on my back in the middle of my bedroom floor, staring up at the ceiling, spread out like a star. My chest rose and fell in time with my slow, tired thoughts – in…out…in…out…

My stomach rolled and ached and twisted. I was _so_ hungry. I was _so _sick. It didn't help to see the small, swollen bump of my stomach, either. I knew what was coming. I knew I was going to hurt more. I knew I was barely going to make it through this pregnancy, let alone two more after it.

Carlisle's stressing of the high mortality rate was now hitting a little closer to home due to the fact that I actually _felt_ like I was going to die. He'd told me a thousand times, 'Bella, you probably won't live through this'. I told him a thousand times, 'Carlisle, I feel great, so I'm not going to die'. He told me one more time, 'Bella, you might not make it'. I smiled weakly and thought to myself, 'No, I probably won't'.

I lay there thinking to myself, 'there is a baby growing inside of me' and wondering how the hell this one was going to affect me. Sophie had torn me to shreds inside, literally and figuratively. My heart…I couldn't take another one of my babies being ripped away from me again.

Why did they all have to make fun of me so badly? Why did they have to pretend to want me in their perfect little lives? Why did they pretend that Sophie liked me and wanted me and didn't already know me for the worthless being that I was? Why, why, why?

It wasn't fair. At all.

_I_ wanted to be happy, too.

But _I_ didn't deserve it.

_Knock, knock_.

"Bella?"

"My door is locked," I muttered back, annoyed. When doors were locked, you weren't supposed to knock. Everybody knew that.

"Bella, I know. But I don't want to break it down."

"And I'm not coming out. What's this called again?"

Sigh. "A crossroads, Bella."

"That's it."

Alice was standing on the other side of my door. Knocking when it was locked like the annoying, perfect, wonderful pixie that she was. Like the perfect concerned mom. To Sophie.

"Bella, come out."

"No."

"You're freaking Jasper out."

"Well, that's not so hard. All you have to do is giggle and cry at the same time," I told her. She didn't respond. I could practically see her, standing out there in her beautiful Versace clothes (it was her latest trend), folding her arms in delicate annoyance at me. "Alice, just go on, alright?"

"Damn it, Bella, come out!" she growled. I jumped. Alice didn't speak harshly. Ever.

"If you want me out so badly, bust down the door and get me! Pick the lock! Surely you've picked a lock before."

"I won't. I won't do it because Jasper has it drilled into his thick head that storming your bedroom would be invading your privacy. But, jeez, Bella, all you've had for the last week is privacy! Come out of there!"

"_Alice._"

"_Bella._"

"Ugh. I can't go out there looking like I do," I said blandly, meaning that I couldn't go out there and face all the flawless people I'd once counted as my family so foolishly. "I don't want to come socialize anyhow."

"I don't think speaking to your family counts as _socializing_, Bella."

"My family is dead, Alice. Talking to dead people might not be antisocial, but it's certainly frowned upon by sane people," I said matter-of-factly.

"I meant us."

"Oh, _you_."

"Bella! Get your goddamn ass off your fucking floor and get out of your bedroom this instant!" Alice said coldly. "Enough of your damn wallowing! I'm as through with you as Rosalie is!"

I slouched to the door and opened it weakly. I could practically feel the dark purple circles under my eyes and the hollowness of my cheekbones. Alice did a double take.

"What's going on with you?" She asked, shocked. She reached out to touch my cheek but I backed away and her hand fell. "You don't look so good."

"Welcome to reality, Alice."

"Reality of what?"

"Being knocked up with a baby of another species," I clarified. "It's not pretty. And now you know why I hide."

She covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide. Staring at me in horror. I looked down, flushing red. I understood, but did she have to be so blazingly obvious in her disgust?

"You're so thin. And pale. And…" she touched my hand. "And _cold_."

"Cold baby, cold me."

"And is the baby scrawny and pale?" Alice demanded, eyebrows raised. I shook my head.

"Baby's gorgeous probably. Freaking supermodel baby. But it requires a lot of energy to grow."

I stared at her and heard her words ran through my mind like a mantra, _'I'm as through with you as Rosalie is!'_. One more person to tick off as not giving the slightest fuck about me. Alice had her baby. I was of no value to her now.

Jasper appeared like lightning beside Alice and looked me over from top to bottom once. His expression hardened. I was struck by how beautiful he was – I had forgotten how bottomless his eyes were. The masculine planes of his jaw and the strong set of his shoulders had been erased from my imperfect mind, but it all came rushing back now. Jasper was beautiful – beautiful in a way that hurt my eyes. I loved him and I would be estranged from kindness and beauty to the day I died. My heart panged.

Sophie was wrapped tightly around his torso as he looked at me coldly. My deadened heart beat on with resignation anyway.

"Bella," he said quietly. My eyes were on Sophie's little golden curls. Such a sweetheart. Such a perfect little girl. She slept on without noticing me, exactly as it should always be. I never should have gone to see her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered shamefully. "I shouldn't have gone in."

He just grew even more furious. I shrank back into my room and locked the door, clutching the handle as a lifeline as his expression melded itself to the forefront of my brain. Hatred. Anger. Disgust.

Why did everyone I love realize I was no good?

OoOoO

**IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH A RAPE SCENE, PLEASE SKIP TO THE NEXT CHAPTER.**

Flashback, BELLA POV

_"Morning, honey," my mom said as I slouched down the stairs in flopped into the kitchen in my usual eleven-year-old-almost-a-teenager mode. She set a bowl of Shreddies in front of me and I gobbled them down in my Monday morning don't-want-to-go-to-school fashion._

"_Morning, mom," I answered. Mom's husband Phil came down the stairs like a flash of lightning in his business suit and pressed shirt._

"_I'm late for work!" He exclaimed, grabbing a muffin and the coffee mom had made for him off the counter. "Love you, girls!"_

"_Love you, too, hon," mom answered._

"_See ya, Phil," I said. My mom muttered something that sounded like 'typical teenager', even though I wasn't a teenager yet._

"_Honey, I've got to get to work early today, okay? Can you get on the bus alright alone?" Mom asked me. I nodded. I'd done it all the time when Phil was supposed to get me on the bus. He always got busy with his Blackberry. "Alright, honey, see you tonight."_

"_See you, mom."_

_She kissed my head and whirred out the door Phil had just bolted from. Me. All alone in the big house. I grinned._

_Then I bolted upstairs to rifle through mom and Phil's closet for Christmas presents. I didn't usually get many since mom was so busy and Phil really only pretended to do Christmas shopping for mom's sake. But it was always fun to snoop._

_Last year mom had forgotten about Christmas (only Renee Dwyer could forget something like Christmas)._

"_Looking for something?"_

_I jumped and flung myself around to face Phil, who was standing in the doorway with a knowing grin on his face._

"_I – I – I was just…"_

"_I know. Christmas is coming," he said kindly. "But you can't go snooping. It's bad, Bella. Only bad kids snoop."_

"_Sorry."_

"_Bella," Phil said with a frown. "Sorry isn't good enough. Take off your shirt."_

"_Erm…why?"_

"_Do it."_

_He said it so angrily that I yanked my arms from my sleeves and pulled my shirt over my head. I stood there, bare-chested, and blushed into oblivion. He reached a hand out and ran it over my barely-there breast. I'd only been wearing a training bra for three months. I wondered if this was something that everybody's step-dad did to them as punishment. Was it normal for him to touch me there? I didn't like it._

"_Take off your pants."_

_I felt a thrill of fear run through me. But I wasn't wearing underwear! I was still in my PJs. I'd be…naked!_

_I pulled them down anyways and pressed my thighs together._

"_Go lay on the bed."_

_I curled up on my stomach, covering as much as I could._

"_On your back," he demanded. I did so. "Open your legs."_

_I didn't._

_Smack! He slapped me across the face. _

"_Open your fucking legs!" He shouted. M jaw dropped. He swore. He hit me. Who was this guy in Phil's body? I mean, Phil wasn't my real dad, but he never did _this_ to me. He was the best step-dad ever. My legs dropped apart._

_He slipped a hand between them and felt around _down there_. I started to shake._

_He let go of me, which made me relieved, but his hands went right to his belt buckle. His pants dropped and I stared, terrified. What was going on here? I knew guys had…well, that they had…penises…but why was his pointing out like that? Why was it standing up straight? That must be awfully uncomfortable. _

"_Sit up."_

_I did. _

"_Come here."_

_I sat in front of him on the bed._

"_Put your mouth around it," he ordered me._

"_What?"_

"_You heard me."_

_I just stared at him in confusion. He slapped me again, which brought scared tears to my eyes, and forced my mouth around his _thing_. He started making weird sounds and pushing in and out of my mouth, making me gag when he hit my throat. This was gross._

_He pulled my head off of him and shoved me back onto the bed. He wrenched open my legs and grabbed onto himself down there. He pulled on it a bit, which only made me more scared. Then he shoved his finger inside of me down there and it burned so badly I thought I'd caught fire. But then his finger was gone. Better._

_The pain doubled, tripled, quadrupled…he'd shoved his _thing_ inside of me. I burst into terrified tears. It hurt. I was scared. I didn't know what was happening to me. He was pushing it in and out of me really fast and it hurt. I must have been bleeding because I could smell rust. _

_He made some grunting sounds and pushed in really hard. There was a stinging feeling and then he took it out of me. I lay on the bed, shaking and bleeding, feeling completely confused. What had he just done to me?_

"_Tell your mother and I'll kill you," he hissed. "Tell anyone and I'll kill you."_

_I only sobbed harder and curled into a ball. He left. I missed the bus and stayed in the fetal position on my mom's bed all day until I realized I should wash the sheets and clean up._

_I would never snoop for Christmas presents again._

End Flashback


	16. Chapter 16

BELLA POV

"Christmas is coming, Bella," Esme said sweetly, placing a piece of toast before me. I ignored it. I started to shake inside just thinking about Christmas. "It'll be your first Cullen Christmas."

And my last. But I wasn't a Cullen, anyway, so it didn't matter.

"Hmm."

"Don't you like Christmas?"

"No," I said softly, timidly. Esme sat down on the chair next to me and touched my tangled hair. She looked at me kindly, with an expression that held no pity, only concern and love for a girl she considered to be her own child.

"Why not, honey?" She asked me gently. "Christmas is a happy time."

"Christmas is…" I trailed off, remembering my mental promise to not speak about my past anymore. I looked up into Esme's eyes and felt the pain of my silence so acutely that I had to look away. I _wanted_ to tell Esme. I _wanted_ her to know, so she could help me, tell me it was over now, that it wasn't my fault. _Esme_ would understand. _Esme_ would hold me when I cried. _Esme_ still wanted me, I thought.

Jasper and Alice entered the kitchen, fresh from a hunt by the looks of their tattered clothing and windblown hair, hand in hand and with bright smiles upon their faces. My face flushed. How could I ruin that? They were happy, smiling, alive. All because Jasper had learned nothing about my sad little past today. Out of sight, out of mind.

"Yeah," I sighed to Esme. "Christmas."

She rubbed my back and I looked down at the bowl of Cheerios in front of me.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked with a furrowed brow. The smile slipped from his face at an alarming rate. My fault. "You're upset again."

"No, I'm not," I smiled brightly, clearing my untouched bowl of cereal from the counter, and brushing past he and Alice on my way upstairs. I slipped into the bathroom and began to undress. I desperately needed a shower to wake me up – I hadn't slept well the last few nights, due to the fact that my belly was now big enough that I couldn't breathe when I laid down.

I heard a knock on the door and turned to look, suspicious. Was this Edward, whom I had been avoiding like the plague for the last month? Was it Alice, who was going to give me another lecture about how little I was contributing to the family life? Was it Emmett, come to let me know that he was done with me, now, too?

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?" It was neither Edward, nor Alice, nor Emmett whose voice came from the other side of the door. It was Jasper's.

"I'm not dressed," I answered.

The door slid open and he entered anyway. I started to shake; there was no draft, but I had suddenly been invaded by the man who called himself my father once again.

"Jasper," I whispered hoarsely. "What the Hell?"

"I need to talk to you," he said softly. He picked up my shirt and pants from the floor and looked me hard in the face. "And I have reason to believe that you won't run out of the room without clothes on."

"_Jasper_," I pleaded. He took a step forward; my heart rose higher in my throat.

"God, Bells," he muttered, looking me over from head to toe. I quivered beneath his gaze. I didn't bother covering myself – if he was here for something like that, I would only be provoking him. "You're a goddamned mess."

My heart sank right back to my toes. A mess. Walk in on a naked woman – _girl_ – and call her a mess. A girl who already knew she wasn't worth much. For someone who felt every emotion, he sure was tactless.

"Jasper," I repeated. The word left my lips with increasing amounts of hysteria.

"Look at you – you're rail thin and the equivalent of seven months pregnant. You're pale, sickly, skinny…Bella, turn around," he said. I'd been facing away from him in an attempt to cover at least the part it didn't want anyone witnessing.

I turned.

"Oh, God!" He whispered, staring at my stomach in horror. "Bella, your – oh, god – your stomach…"

"It's a little bit bruised is all."

"Do you see _any_ flesh coloured skin there?"

"Well, I…no."

"Why didn't you say something, damnit?" he demanded, glaring at me as though I'd been selfish. I was shaking uncontrollably at this point.

"You told me not to talk about it," I whispered tearfully. "You said it freaked you out."

"What?"

"When I talked about the things that happened to me. It made you upset," I explained through my teeth chattering from the adrenaline running through my body. "You didn't want me to talk about it."

"Bells - !"

He stepped closer to me and I flinched away. I was good at flinching away. He took several swift strides in my direction, placing him directly at my front. I scrambled away in panic, knocking over shampoo and conditioner bottles, along with Alice's many different beauty products, as I went.

A look of complete horror crossed his features.

"You're – oh, god," he breathed. I stood with my back pressed against the tile wall, shrinking away as best I could. "Bella, don't ever, ever flinch away from me. I will never do that to you."

"I'm sorry," I told him, because I knew that I'd upset him again.

"Don't, Bells, I just – " he trailed off, looking at me weakly. "You're my world, Bells."

And truthfully, I didn't hesitate in believing that he really thought that. I knew in my heart that he would never hurt me, either, not that way. But in my basic instincts, he was the hungry cheetah and I was the little damn hare. He could do whatever the hell he wanted to me and I would have no choice.

It wasn't necessarily my body that I worried about with Jasper. It was my heart.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not going to hurt you."

"Yeah."

"I won't even touch you."

"I know."

"Why are you so scared?"

"I have to shower now, Jasper. Please."

"I…" he sighed. "Alright."

"Jasper, wait."

He spun around, his face alight and expectant.

"You can't tell anyone about my stomach," I whispered ferociously. "You can't. Carlisle will terminate and I will never forgive you."

The look on his face feel from hopeful to sad in an instant. He looked at me long and hard for a moment before frowning and looking away.

"Fine."

And he left.

I showered and went downstairs. Esme was cleaning house and I felt that I should help with that. I was in a constant state of guilt when I saw her cooking, cleaning, or doing other human things. Seeing as dust was made mostly of skin, I figured that it was mostly my fault that there was so much cleaning to be done. The cooking was a no-brainer: Esme cooked for me when she wouldn't ever have to cook for her real family.

I swept the floor and was breaking out the mop and bucket when Edward walked into the kitchen, startling me from my previously solitary cleaning routine. He looked surprised, then shocked, then furious.

"Esme!" He bellowed loudly enough that it hurt _my_ ears. Esme flitted into the kitchen in an instant. "Why is Bella cleaning?"

"I – well, I – " Esme stumbled over words, obviously at a total loss for an answer since she'd had no idea I was helping her. Edward seemed to grow with his anger. Esme looked at him nervously, apologetically, through long lashes.

I'd seen my mother wear that look before. I'd seen myself wear it, too. Esme would _not _wear that look.

"Don't you _dare_ speak to her like that, Edward Cullen. She is your mother and you will pay her some respect. It was my decision to help with the housecleaning, not Esme's. As a matter of fact, she had no idea I was helping. So get off her back," I snarled at Edward, stomping my foot for good measure. His look of surprise was somehow stronger than before; I didn't generally talk back to anyone as of late. I normally kept quiet and to myself, making myself as unobtrusive as possible.

"Bella, it's okay," Esme insisted. I shook my head.

"No, it's not. It's not okay for anyone to be talked to that way. Especially not you, Esme, who just happens to be the only person ever who is actually worthy of the respect you should be paid," I told her. "You've been nothing but a loving mother to me, which is more than I can say for the rest of the world, and I'm not about to stand by and watch you get pushed around by your arrogant son!"

"Bella!" Edward exclaimed, shocked. "I'm just trying to keep you from getting stressed or tired."

"You don't have to be so dramatic about it."

"Bella – "

"You could just say, 'Bella, why don't you leave that. Someone else will get it for you,'? Huh? Is that so hard? Or do you have to freak out on your mom and throw a raging temper tantrum? Be nice to her. She's been nice to you," I told him, dropping the mop into the bucket and leaving the kitchen. There were times when I could absolutely not stand Edward Anthony Cullen.

He did, of course, follow me.

"Bella, you know I didn't mean to – " he broke off when he caught my glare.

We walked in silence up the stairs and to his room. I could almost hear his desperate desire to pick me up and carry me so my feet didn't get sore.

I sat him down on his bed.

"Edward Cullen, sometimes you piss me off," I told him bluntly. He stared at me. "You need a serious reality check, Edward. The moody teenager façade is not a nice thing on a man of god knows how many years. I know that I've been dwelling on crap a bit, too, but you'll notice that I've cut it out. This isn't only about you. This is about everyone you grace with your angsty presence. Think about Jasper; he has to feel everything you do. It can't be a pleasant place inside your emotional filibuster of a heart, Edward. Calm the fuck down, alright?"

"Bells, I just – "

"And if you ever talk to Esme that way again, I've going to tear your balls off, understood? And it's going to take some work on my part, seeing as you're like a goddamn rock, so don't expect it to be quick and easy. Everyone around here is affected by your attitude, so lay off it. Let's take a look at how fucked up I act toward everyone, Edward; if you piss _me_ off, you're doing something seriously disrespectful toward a whole lot of people," I took a breath, ignoring the suddenly even-more-silent-than-usual household. "Damnit, Edward, you're a great guy, but I'm pregnant, you're being childish, and I'm no better. So, you know what I need right now? A big, goddamn piece of Esme's chocolate pie."

And I stormed out of the room. Emmett, Rose, and Alice were all listening outside the door and toppled in when I wrenched it open. Emmett hissed, 'Alice!', under his breath – no doubt due to the lack of warning – and I made a growling sound as I stomped downstairs.

"You really needed your ears pressed against the damn door to hear that?" I shouted up the stairs when I reached the bottom. I wobbled around the corner to the kitchen just as Esme set a rather sizeable piece of her chocolate pie down at my spot. 'My spot', even though no one else in the house actually ate – they all used to sit with me at dinner. It had become my place at the table. Edward directly across from me, Alice to his left, Emmett to hers. Jasper to my right, Rosalie to his. Esme and Carlisle sitting at either end. Now it was just me at the table and Esme mopping the floor with a high concentration of bleached water.

"Sweetheart, you know they just worry about you," she said gently, stroking my hair as she plopped the mop into the bucket with a sloshing sound. I ignored the touch and focused on my pie. "Jasper, especially."

I huffed in an outward display of frustration, even though what I really felt was a crushing despair. Sure, I was mad that Jasper didn't appear to have time for me, but my real concern was how it crushed me inside. I'd learned long ago not to get too attached. Everyone leaves you in the end. Leaves you or turns on you.

"Jasper has better things to do than worry about a little mortal girl," I said bitterly. Esme paused in her mopping. I cleared my throat, realizing what I had just revealed.

"Honey, you don't honestly believe that Jasper doesn't care for you?" she asked with incredulity. I looked away, ashamed. She stepped closer, embracing me. "Bella, you underestimate a father's love."

"Like hell, I do," I said harshly. I knew firsthand exactly what a father's love looked like. I'd had an up close and personal relationship with it for five years. Esme backed away, clearly understanding my need to be alone. She watched me with a face that showed how full her heart was in that moment. I hesitated. "Esme, I don't underestimate a _mother's _love. Just…know that."

She touched my hand and let me lock myself into my room. Once I was alone – having locked the door and drawn my curtains shut – I pulled off the oversized sweater I had been wearing. It was Emmett's and he'd donated it to the cause – the cause being my rapidly expanding body and outright refusal to shop for it. This was temporary.

Now, looking in the mirror, I pushed my sweatpants below my stomach to examine my three-week-old yet seven-month-looking baby bump. Or mountain. It was massive, though I had expected that. Emmett was massive, too. I rubbed my hand in a gentle circle around the mass of bruises and discoloration. The baby within stretched firmly and I very nearly peed myself from the force of its foot on my bladder.

Esme would have a breakdown if she knew what this baby put me through every day. I took all of the pain and disfiguration in stride because I loved Emmett with the entirety of my heart that longed for normalcy. Emmett was the only member of the family who embraced who he was and was better for it. He was an inspiration to me in a tiny way that, some days, made all the difference. To me, giving birth to Emmett's child was the only way I could repay him for that.

A soft knock sounded at the door. I was used to this now. The set of rules dictating when one could or couldn't enter a room were apparently moot when I was involved. This was a family rule – one that, by its very definition, didn't apply to me.

"Who is it?"

"Me," Rosalie's voice answered. Rosalie had attempted conversation with me of her own will and volition all of two times before. Once when she had the very one sided talk about me staying with the family after the children were born and once when she tried to make me choose baby names.

I sighed and flicked the lock open. She heard this and entered, latching the door behind her.

"Bella," she said in an even voice. I turned to her, following her gaze to my stomach. I didn't feel the need to hide this from her; I knew she wouldn't breathe a word. If she did, Carlisle would terminate immediately and her only chance at motherhood would be snatched from her grasp. That was more important to her than any human girl. "Your stomach."

"Yes, it's quite disgusting, isn't it?"

"Disgusting – you stupid girl!" she exclaimed, placing an icy hand over my stomach. "You're an absolute mess!"

Almost verbatim to what Jasper had said to me earlier in the bathroom. My bottom lip quivered and I thought to myself, _For someone who vowed to never cry again, you sure do it a lot_. Rosalie watched my chin and sat down on the bed, looking guilty.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. I folded my arms over my chest, protecting myself.

"Did you ever forget?" I asked quietly. Jasper had told me her story early on. She looked at me long and hard before shaking her head.

"No, Bella," she said gently. "You will never forget."

"Does it get…more distant?"

"Bella, something like what my fiancé did to me and your stepfather did to you will never, ever fade in significance or memory. The best you can do is try, try, try to force it out of the way you live your life. Force it out of decisions about the future, force it out of your relationships, force it out of your reflection in the mirror. That event is not you. It is something horrible that happened to you, but it is not your identity," she said this all very slowly and evenly, as though it were rehearsed. I stared at the purple of my swollen stomach and wrapped my arms around it. Rosalie gazed at me longingly, no doubt wishing she was the one holding a pregnant belly.

"It was me for five years, Rosalie," I told her. "That's almost a third of my life. I'd say that makes it a lot of who I am."

"If that's what you want," she said with a frown. "I didn't come here to talk about that."

Of course not.

"I wanted to discuss Sophie with you," she said briskly. I sat down on the bed abruptly. _Sophie_. "She calls you Mommy."

My heart broke. How could she possibly know who I was to her? How did she look at me and identify my connection to her? A selfish part of me rejoiced that my baby girl knew me for who I really was. Maybe wanted me, too.

"You have to be more of a presence, Bella," Rosalie said flatly. I looked at her face and any trace of joy I felt two seconds ago vanished. "It's crushing Jasper. I know I said Emmett's baby would be mine and his only, but Jasper wants you involved. She calls Alice by her given name, Bella, and calls a total stranger her mommy. She _knows_ you're her mom. She needs you."

"Does Jasper know about this talk?"

"Of course not," she scoffed. "Do you seriously think that he'd be okay with this conversation? That _I_ would be the one having it with you if he knew?"

No. But I said nothing.

"You have to either tell her that Alice is her mommy or grow a backbone and be her mom yourself."

"I know," I said, motioning to the door. I knew what I had to do. "I'll do it tonight."


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Here is a moment you have all been waiting for: Jasper's declaration to Bella that he and Alice are not a thing! Enjoy, ladies, and pretend this information means he's available to you...

BELLA POV

I slipped into Sophie's bedroom while Jasper was out on a hunt. I didn't want to risk him seeing me with his little girl. I thought she might be asleep and very nearly backed out of her room like the coward I was, but then I heard it.

"Mommy?"

"No, baby," I whispered. Her little voice nearly broke my heart and when I looked over the edge of her crib, my lip quivered. She was probably about three now, her hair a mass of golden girls and cheeks chubby with dimples. Looking at her, I knew what Jasper would have looked like as a child had he been a girl. I smiled down, pressing firmly downward on the pain that thoughts of Jasper brought lately.

"Not mommy?"

"No, Sophie, don't say that," I told her gently. She wiggled her chubby hands at me, so I picked her up. How could I not? She was so…so unbelievably like her father. Sweet and beautiful and not mine. She tugged firmly on one of my tangled curls and giggled when I winced. It was easy to forget that she was half vampire when she felt so warm and soft in my arms. The strength of her pull on my hair reminded me that she was so much more than a regular baby.

"Daddy," she giggled and held my face in her little hands. Her dimpled cheeks slackened and her face became solemn. "Daddy miss mommy."

I frowned. She must be talking about Alice, who had left this afternoon for a two week vacation to Paris for fashion week. She couldn't possibly mean me; Jasper couldn't miss me, not after what I had said to him. Just as I set her down, she clutched onto my shirt and held me still.

"No leaving, mommy," she whispered sadly. Big, fat tears bubbled over her eyelids and she sniffled the most adorable sniffle I'd ever witnessed. It broke my heart to look at her and know what I had to tell her.

"Sophie, I'm not your –" A cold hand landed on my shoulder and I turned around swiftly to find myself face to face with Jasper. Sophie let out a delighted squeal and reached for him. He picked her up, cradling her head against his shoulder as she snuggled in happily. He was the perfect father.

"Don't finish that thought, Bella," Jasper said firmly. Sophie clutched onto his chin with one hand and the back of his neck with the other. He ran his fingers through her chin-length curls. "You _are_ her mother."

"Mommy here," Sophie sighed into Jasper's shoulder. He smiled down at her absently, turning his attention back to me quickly.

"If you ever want to see her, Bella, the door is always open to you. As is mine," he said gently. He reached out and cupped my jawbone, leaning down to press his lips against my forehead. I closed my eyes and focused on the feel of him so close. I'd missed him more than I ever realized, now that he was this close again. Acting without my usual carefulness around the Cullens, I slid into a perfect sized gap at his side, wrapping my arms around him and Sophie. I inhaled the scent of him, one I had come to associate long ago with love and safety. I sighed as he held me to them more tightly.

"God, I've missed you, Bella," he whispered. We stood there for a good five minutes – my arms around Sophie and Jasper, one of his holding her to his chest and one holding me to his side, Sophie's little arm around Jasper's neck and one hand against my cheek. We were all linked together and I couldn't help thinking the word that jumped to my mind.

_Family._

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I said wretchedly. I tilted my head to see his face and noticed the frown that pulled his lips down. "I know about Sophie calling me mommy. I know I don't spend enough time with her. I just don't want her to wind up like me. Alice should be her mommy. I know this has been hard on all of you."

"What has been hard on _me_, Bella, is the fact that you are absent from my life," he said bluntly. His golden eyes bore into mine and I couldn't look away, no matter how crippling the guilt. "I understand if you need time alone, but please let me in. You have wormed your way into my heart and I don't ever plan on letting you leave it again. You are family to me now. I love you."

"I love you, too, Jasper. I just need to get over my issues with you not being available every second of every day. You have more important things to do than cater to my every whim. I promise to learn how to deal when I need you and you aren't around," I assured him. He looked horrified.

"I am always available to you, Bella," he said in a shocked tone. "I could be hunting, I could be putting Sophie to bed, I could be in the middle of a little self-pleasure and if you called, I would come running."

I was fleetingly glad that Sophie was asleep when Jasper spoke, giving me quite the _if-you-know-what-I-mean_ smirk, and I also turned a wild red colour at the thought of Jasper doing…that.

"Jasper," I said sternly, placing a palm over Sophie's exposed ear. "No fuck talk in front of the baby."

He smirked.

"No _saying_ fuck in front of the baby," he shot back. I gave a small smile at that – it was nice to joke with Jasper again. "Bella, you know I love you. You know I would give everything I have ever had and will ever have in order to keep you happy. Look at me."

He gripped my chin between his fingers and tilted my head up to meet his eyes directly. A quick kiss was pressed to my nose. I watched the familiar golden eyes stare into mine. I reacquainted myself with his face. The perfect blond eyebrows above the kindest eyes I'd ever looked into. The horizontal sharpness of his cheekbones that, even a hundred and fifty years since their last sunburn, I could still picture with a dusting of tan and freckles. The straightness of his nose and the slight hollow of his cheeks. The stubborn set of his chin, stuck barely out, in a clear indication that he was leading this conversation and he would make me see his way.

"I want you in my life. I want you in Sophie's life. You are one of two things that occupy my every thought. You and Sophie. I cannot go through losing you a third time. You must let me in," he said steadily, but kindly. I blinked away a tear. When he leaned down this time, he kissed the side of my mouth where it turns into cheek. "I will tell you that every day."

"I love you, Jazz," I breathed, taking in the feel of his beneath my hands. Closeness to Jasper was a sort of closeness that was so full of emotion that I occasionally felt overwhelmed. I had missed the feel of his body when he hugged me, missed the sense of calm that settled over me when he stroked my hair. Jasper was a balancing force in my tumultuous life. I needed the direction he provided. "Alice…"

"There's something you should know about Alice. She asked me not to tell you yet. I don't know why I shouldn't, so...Alice and I are not together, Bella," Jasper said with a barely a shadow of sadness over his failed romance. "We parted ways as a couple not long after I kidnapped you. This was partly because she had a vision around that showed her our expiration date. She is very important to me, but we both know that what we had was temporary."

"No, no, no," I said abruptly. "You and Alice are perfect!"

Jasper threw his head back as he laughed at my description of them. It was a genuinely amused laugh, no traces of bitterness or resentment.

"Alice and I were happy for a very long time, but we both knew that it wasn't going to last forever," he told me with a smile. I was gobsmacked. Alice and Jasper were the perfect couple. They evened each other out to perfectly… "Alice has seen visions of us parting ways for decades. She sees herself falling in love, she sees me falling in love. But she does not see us together forever."

"Falling in love with who?" I asked desperately. Some other woman was going to swoop in and monopolize Jasper, wasn't she? I loved Alice with my whole heart – she was a sister to me – but I couldn't handle a stranger taking Jasper away from me. Alice was surprisingly good about my constant need for reassurance and time alone with her husband. I knew no one else would be.

"She doesn't know who she will fall in love with yet, Bella. She's only seen snippets of kisses and sometimes she sees his silhouette in the moonlight. She hasn't seen his face," he said softly. I got the feeling he was about to be less than truthful with me. He pulled away long enough to set Sophie in her cradle and slide a blanket over her small shoulders. Then, in seconds, I was in his lap on the rocking chair in the corner. He fed me a very obvious fib, "As for me, she's never told me who she sees. I can only assume that it is someone I already know, but have not realized my feelings for. Otherwise, how could a name hurt?"

"You're a terrible liar, you know," I pointed out his lie happily, pinching his cheek. I decided to take his fib in stride; I was just thrilled to have him back. "If you meet this girl anytime soon, you better make sure she knows I get one third of your time, understand?"

"Yes, Bella," he said in an exaggeratedly placating voice. "Why one third?"

"One third for me, one third for Sophie, and one third for her!"

"No one else gets time? My life will be forever occupied by three beautiful women?" he joked. I pushed him firmly and he didn't budge at all. "I suppose I can live with that."

I was opening my mouth to respond with one of my more witty comebacks when the center of my world shifted from Jasper's face to the making-me-see-black-dots pain that erupted in my stomach. Something deep inside me tore with such a force that I almost _heard_ it. Instantly, the stabbing pain turned into one that brought me to my knees. I felt Emmett's baby stretching and a rib cracked with a loud _snap_. Jasper gasped out a '_holy hell!_' and caught me before I hit the ground as my knees gave out.

I clutched my stomach and looked up at him in horror. Was Emmett's baby going to die? It felt like _I _was going to die. If I did…the baby couldn't survive inside me on its own! I launched myself from Jasper's arms and flew (or hobbled as fast as my pain-riddled body would allow, more likely) toward Carlisle's office at the end of the hall. I knew he'd be there – it was two hours past his shift end at the hospital and he always did research or paperwork for a while after work.

I burst through the door and collapsed on his floor, temporarily unaware of Jasper's panicking figure clutching his hair behind me. Carlisle looked at me in shock for a moment, his eyes flickering to Jasper's face searchingly before settling on me again. He seemed to shake himself and dropped the papers he was holding – fuck, I was in pain – and he literally swung himself over the desk and landed on the balls of his feet in a crouch beside my crumpled form on the floor.

"What's wrong?" he demanded in a gloriously authoritative voice. The firm guidance I heard there put me back on a thinking track instead of a panicking one.

"Help him!" I screamed, clutching my stomach with one hand and Jasper's left thumb with the other. "Help my baby, Carlisle! It's too early!"

"The baby – "

"Something is wrong with him!" I shrieked. I was only vaguely aware of the rest of the family gathering somewhere off to the side. The rumble in Jasper's chest was growing louder and louder by the second. He was glaring up at his family with a petrifying expression that made me shrink away. He turned his gaze to me possessively and I realized he was protecting me from them.

Carlisle tapped my cheek firmly to get my attention and my head whipped back to his concerned face.

"We need to get you to the operating room immediately, Bella. There will be no time for anesthesia this time," he informed me. I shrank back into Jasper's arms. Carlisle's hand slipped on the floor as he leaned closer – a fact that greatly surprised me, so I looked down at his hand. It was resting in a pool of blood that, now that I inspected more closely, formed beneath me at the end of a trail from Sophie's bedroom.

I was losing a lot of blood.

"Emmett, _no!_" I barely registered Esme's scream before I started to black out at the sight of the blood.

The last thing I saw before losing consciousness was a pair of cold, black eyes on a normally grin-dimpled face.

JPOV – _Later, while Bella is in the operating room_

"Jasper," Alice said softly, touching my shoulder. She had returned from the airport immediately following a vision of Bella bleeding to death. That vision had since changed several times and Bella was not on a path to death at this moment. I turned around and looked into her solemn face. I started to panic – Alice saw everything! Why was she so sad? _Was_ Bella going to die? I immediately started to hyperventilate. How could I ever survive without her now that I knew what life was like with her in it? There was nothing for me here without her…

"Is she going to die?"

"I don't know. I can't see her with the baby still connected," she admitted sadly. "There is something I have to tell you."

"What?"

"The first time I saw Bella, I had a vision," she told me. I nodded, barely functioning. "It was when you brought her home and I hugged her for the first time. I had a vision of her holding a blonde toddler and looking up at you like you were her whole world. I saw her become one of us. I saw her…Jasper, Bella _is_ your soul mate. I know you've been trying to deny this for a while, but it's true."

She had hinted at this before. In my heart, I knew it was true. But I couldn't accept this. Somehow, acknowledging that Bella was my mate seemed to befoul everything we had been through. Like our love was an instinct rather than a deep bond developed over time.

"I don't believe that. No." Of course I did.

"Yes," she said gently. I stared at her. No. I couldn't do this. When I looked at Bella, I saw a girl who needed someone to care for her. I saw that I could do that. I knew I loved her, she was everything to me. I was, of course, wildly attracted to her despite the fact that I felt she was too young to think of that way. But I didn't feel for her what Emmett felt for Rosalie, or what Carlisle felt for Esme…Alice was wrong.

"Your vision was wrong," I said firmly. She shook her head.

"It wasn't. I still see it, even after almost a year and a half has gone by and so many things have changed. She is still the only one for you, Jasper."

"Well…well, not all mates are like Emmett and Rose, right?" I was panicking. "Sometimes they are just best friends. Sometimes they don't fall in love, right?"

"Sometimes," Alice agreed. I stared at her, but she was clearly not going to give me more than that. I took a few deep breaths.

"Why now?"

"Because she's going to need you very soon. I know this is not a surprise for you, Jasper, but you need to fully come to terms with it. If I told you _everything_ before all of this happened, Jasper, you would have sent her away and suffered eternity alone. You wouldn't have subjected her to this life. I know you. But all of this is going to make her stronger, Jasper. I won't deny that part of me did it to save the family, regardless of the cost, but this is going to help her in the long run, Jasper. You have to believe that."

I did. Barely, but I did. I could understand Alice's reasoning – it was the reasoning of a desperate person, someone willing to do anything to save the ones they loved. I couldn't begrudge her that because I understood. I had done the same thing. I had subject Bella to this knowing that she might die. I did it to save the family.

Now things were different. I could finally accept why I loved Bella with such a boundless passion. She was the missing piece of my soul. Of course I'd known this, on a basic level. I couldn't function without her. It only made sense.

I would be anything for her.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Two of my favourite characters get an honourable mention in this chapter...more to come from them soon!

BELLA POV – Back to real time, before the operating room

Jasper lunged at Emmett with a speed that I didn't noticed at the time, but thought nonstop about afterward. It was sometimes hard to remember that this was a family of vampires and they had supernatural abilities. Emmett's eyes were dark, almost black, and he struggled fiercely against Jasper's stranglehold around his neck. His chin was digging into the crook of Jasper's elbow and Jasper was holding him there firmly as if ready to pop his head off if the need arose. Emmett's massive legs and fists were flying in every direction, but mostly in mine. He was a powerful predator and his entire focus was on getting to me.

Me? My attention was divided evenly between the apparent litres of blood spilling out of me and the shredding pain that was currently occupying my entire abdomen.

"Carlisle!" Rosalie was screaming, clutching onto one of her husband's massive fists as he swung within centimeters of my head. Rosalie was shaking, terrified of something, and I could barely see straight. I heard a wretched growling sound and looked away from Rosalie just in time to see Emmett tear a chunk of Jasper's bicep off with his teeth. I thought I might pass out. Jasper, on the other hand, didn't make a single sound.

My eyes met his and I stared into their deep golden depths, seeking reassurance that he was okay. His strong jaw was set firmly, like his teeth were clenched together, and the muscle on the left hand side jumped sporadically. Apart from his macho show of pain intolerance, he seemed to be fine. Worried, but fine. So I turned back to my stomach and thought I really must be going blind with the pain or something.

A tiny fist was protruding from my stomach, right below and to the left of my belly button.

"What the _fuck_?" I screeched. My fingers grasped that tiny fist of their own accord – and it grasped back, firmly. "Carlisle, what is happening?"

"Hold onto Emmett, Jasper!" My second adoptive father said authoritatively. Jasper nodded once and Carlisle rushed me from the room, dripping my blood over the carpets, Esme's hardwoods, and several of what I am sure were once priceless antique rugs. I didn't feel the exhilaration of the vampire speed today, I only felt pain and panic and a tiny set of fingers wrapped around my right pinky.

Carlisle set me on the cold metal table and I thought for a fleeting second about how I had been turned on by it once. For the life of me, I couldn't see how. Now, it simply reminded me of how much I hated hospitals and all of their various questions and sneakily worded hints at child abuse. And pain. Carlisle stood over me, tapping my cheek lightly but with a firmness that got my attention. He stuck a thick rubber tube into my mouth and told me to bite. I was confused until I saw the scalpel.

I bit with all my sixteen year old, nearly bloodless might but stared in gruesome fascination at the glinting metal as it sank into my flesh, layer by layer. I think I must have gone into shock at some point because I didn't feel anything as he peeled away my skin, my muscles and finally my uterus. The little fist gripped my finger harder as Carlisle slowly lifted the arm – then the torso and eventually the legs attached to that little fist – out of me. I stared into a pair of ridiculously familiar eyes in an unfamiliar hue – Emmett must have had blue eyes as a human because this little carbon copy had twinkling baby blues that locked directly onto me.

"Jack," I breathed out as the rubber tube fell to the ground, startled by how ragged my voice sounded. I don't know where that name came from, but I just knew that's what I would call him no matter what Emmett and Rosalie named him. His name was Jack. His tiny eyes – already looking older than they did five minutes ago – peered into mine with surprising focus. He blinked and gurgled sleepily.

Then I passed out as the pain took over again.

JASPER POV

Emmett continued to struggle against my grip around his neck, but I held strong. I knew if I let go, something terrible was going to happen to Bella and that was not something I could live with. I fed him calmness in increasing levels to the point where he should be nearly unconscious. Yet he still struggled in my arms.

"Rose," I barked hoarsely – Emmett's venom stung and the effort of using my strength and my power for several hours without reprieve was making me very thirsty. "Help me out, talk him down."

She looked at me like I was insane, like I hadn't noticed that she'd been babbling a string of soothing encouragement to her mate for the last seven hours. I had, but we needed something drastic to happen and it needed to happen soon. I wasn't sure how much longer I could control him. "Tell him something that will take his mind off things."

She looked at a loss for answers until her eyes suddenly lit up.

"Emmett, I promise I'll let you fuck me while listening to 'I'm Too Sexy'! But you have to calm down first."

The wild beast inside of Emmett's eyes became distracted. I rejoiced as his massive body stopped struggling in my arms. The relief was amazing, but I remained tensed to grab him again if he started to resist.

"And you can even wear your Zubaz pants with your 'Bust A Move' t-shirt!"

Emmett seemed to struggle internally. "Can I sing?"

"Yes," Rose didn't look happy. Emmett stared her down and I realized he was just milking it now. I loosened my grip on him.

"And dance?"

"…Fine," she said flatly. Emmett straightened up, brushing an invisible speck from his shoulder. He gave her a self-satisfied smirk and crossed him arms in triumph.

"Deal," he said happily. Rose looked ready to commit homicide. He looked down at the shredded t-shirt that had become a casualty in my restraint of his apparent hulking out. "_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…_"

"Don't push it, Em," I warned him, feeling the rage that Rose was supressing for what I knew would be a very short time – soon she would be _ex_pressing it. My focus shifted to the panic coming from Carlisle's less than legal operating room downstairs. "Now, could you kindly tell me what the fuck you were thinking when you attacked my mate and your unborn child?"

"I don't know, Jasper, I swear it wasn't on purpose," he said, looking wretchedly upset about his loss of control. "I didn't want her blood, I just…I wanted to protect them."

"Protect _them_?" Rosalie spat jealously. I snarled at her insinuation – that he should have been protecting only their child. Left Bella for dead. Emmett's eyes were still dark and I could tell he was still scarcely restraining himself from bolting downstairs to hover over Bella. I would have known this from his actions – the way his hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides, the way his eyes continuously flickered to the door, and how he was still just a moment away from dropping into a crouch – even if I hadn't been able to feel his protectiveness.

"My child," Emmett's voice wasn't jovial right now, it was primal. "And his mother are at risk. Nothing will stand in my way."

"His _mother_?" Rosalie shrieked and threw herself at him. He ducked her swipe at his head with millimetres to spare. "If _she's_ his mother, why don't you go wear your stupid outfit and have sex with _her_ to that infernal song? That _bitch_ is not our child's mother!"

"Rosalie!" I snarled, half warning her about Emmett's particularly volatile emotions regarding Bella at the moment, half about her treatment of my baby girl. I had to admit that if she continued to attack Bella like she'd been doing lately, she might find herself at the mercy of Emmett _and_ myself.

"Can it, Jasper! That baby is _mine_!"

"_Mine!_" Emmett lunged for Rosalie, clearly under the instinctual impression that she was attempting to steal his offspring. Carlisle's voice cut through the din of our growling just before things got really ugly.

"Emmett, Rosalie! Come meet your son."

Every motion stopped. Every sound ceased. I'm pretty sure the wind stopped rustling the leaves of the trees. It was as though time stood still. Emmett's eyes suddenly cleared entirely – perhaps he understood that Bella was no longer vital to the life of his offspring and therefore her survival was not his main objective anymore – and he reached out a hand to Rose. She looked into his eyes, he gave her a happy smile and just like that, all was forgiven.

I followed behind them slowly, aware of the territorial instincts that went along with seeing your child for the first time. The first time I'd held Sophie, I ripped Carlisle's arm right out of its socket when I smelled his scent on her. I certainly didn't want to be on the receiving end of Emmett's alpha male showdown.

The open concept of the main floor of our house meant that light filtered in at all times. Emmett and Rose were literally sparkling as they wrapped their arms around their new baby boy. Emmett was eyeing Carlisle and clutching Rose and their son rather possessively. Carlisle backed away a few more steps wisely. Clearly he remembered the last incident, too.

"How is Bella?" The question burst from my lips, even though I had been attempting to delay the moment I had to break the bubble of happiness that surrounded Rose, Emmett, and the little baby boy in their arms. My reservations about asking so soon were immediately tossed out the window when Carlisle didn't respond right away. He avoided my gaze.

I was at his throat in a second.

"_How is Bella?_" I asked again, more forcefully. He cleared his throat and looked me in the eyes. He was nervous – it filtered from his every pore. I felt it as though it were my own. His eyes were hollow, but not dead. She was alive, she was breathing, her beautiful heart beat on.

"She's – well, she…" he paused, wetting his lips to buy him some time. I snarled at the delay. My mate was in danger, serious danger, and he wasn't telling me. My irrational side pinned the blame on him. He did something to her! "Jasper, calm down. She's in a medically induced coma right now."

"When will she wake up?"

"That's not really the question at hand, Jasper," Carlisle said softly. He reached a tentative hand out to grasp my shoulder. I looked at him, confused by his statement. Why wouldn't I want to know that? Of course I wanted to know when I could look into her kind, selfless eyes again! "Jasper. Look at me."

I already was, but I knew what he meant. I was staring stupidly at him. He wanted me to focus, to understand what he was telling me. "Jasper, it's not a matter of _when_, it's a matter of _if_."

The news permeated my consciousness slowly…I blinked a few times, not taking in it. Then I walked outside, fell down for the first time in a hundred and fifty years, and started to scream. I was barely aware of the family that cowered by the house, too frightened to come any closer. All I was aware of was the fact that Bella was going to die. I stood and levelled four acres of the surrounding forest, creating a physical wasteland out of my emotional one. I lay waste to the cliff face, spraying the yard with gravel. I heard a crunch.

I whipped around in a crouch so quickly that the approaching figure stopped in surprise. They took a step closer and I growled. I was not in control. I was the emotional void that I had been in my days with Maria. Another step and I felt venom coat my teeth. Another and I pounced. Body parts were strewn across the yard and I let out a ferocious, wordless cry of agony. That was the last I had even a sliver of control over myself and I lost myself to the blackness.

UNKNOWN POV

"Honey?"

"Yeah, darlin'?"

"I know you're up to something."

"Aw, shucks, babe, when am I not? The question is whether or not you're willin' to get up on _me_?" he flashed me a devilishly handsome grin and I would have melted if I wasn't trying to be serious.

"Oh, hush, you! I've had about enough of your dirty mouth! Tell me what you're planning!"

"Nothin' much, sugar, nothin' much."

"Tell me, tell me, tell me!" I admit to whining just a _little_ bit. Sometimes it worked in my favour! He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my temple. I pouted a little. "Please, baby?"

"Well…we're goin' on a bit of a trip, sugar," he conceded. I raised my eyebrows. "I know, I know! You wanna know where to…"

"Bet your ass, I do!"

"We're going to…" he drew it out, creating suspense. I waited patiently. He was a cryptic son of a bitch sometimes.

"Where?"

"We are going to pay Washington a visit."

He paused and looked at me expectantly.

"DC?" This was clearly not the reaction he was hoping for.

"No, state!" he whined. "Come on, baby, why do you always do that? I was trying to make it all dramatic and stuff! When you ask questions like that, the magic is gone!"

"Sorry, babe."

Off to Washington (state) we go!


	19. Chapter 19

AN: So many of you guessed Peter to be the unknown POV in Chapter 18! So close, yet so far - it was Charlotte! The rest of the story will include Peter and Charlotte, Jasper's friends from the south. Many people think Peter will be Captain Friendly, but it's not going to be that obvious. Keep in mind that, while Peter may seem like a total fuck-tard, he's actually one of my favourite characters. And he will turn out fine.

_JASPER POV_

Rage.

Pain.

Despair.

Guilt.

Burn.

Sweet.

_Thirst_.

I opened my eyes lazily, hyperaware of the melodic sound of a throbbing heart just thirteen and three quarter centimeters from my face. I was simply too entranced by the almost scalding hands that brushed over my cheek, a thumb sliding over my lip. I gazed into a small, red face with wide doe eyes. Eyes that blinked slowly, trustingly. The snarl in my chest – for it originated deep within me – slowed to a soft purr.

"Welcome back, Goldilocks," Bella crooned. She was smoothing my snarling face, pressing out any signs of discontent, and running her fingers through my hair. I focused on her shakily; my control was flimsy at best. She shifted in my grip and I snarled again, clamping her to me more tightly. "Easy, Goldie, easy. I'm not going anywhere."

I calmed slightly and was able to keep my tenuous hold on my willpower. She stroked her fiery fingers up and down my arms and I simply purred at the sensation. The Major craved her touch.

"Any chance you can loosen the grip?" I let my hold on her out just slightly – I was never fully letting go. She sighed at the bit of relief. "Thanks, it's nice to breathe again."

At that comment, I registered the situation. I had been previously focused on Bella's face and Bella's face only. Now that I looked around, I could see we were in the middle of some sort of warzone. There was nothing but trees hacked off at the stumps for a kilometre in any direction. Gravel – clearly from recently smashed rocks – littered the ground. There were large gouges in the earth and we seemed to be in some sort of rocky bowl. I could not see any other life in the general vicinity. And I was clutching Bella far too tightly to be safe.

"Where _are_ we?" I asked in astonishment as I gaped at the surroundings. I hadn't seen anything like the landscape that surrounded us since…well, since Maria. Bella rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers, regaining my attention.

"We are in Alberta, Jasper, in what is left of a small Rocky Mountain," she explained calmly. I was still staring around. "You seemed to go a little bit crazy when Carlisle told you I might die and you, well, _Hulked out_ – for lack of a better word."

"I did this?"

"Yes, it would appear that way. Although, your inner Hulk seems to have a sense of rationality. At least this crater you smashed and the trees you felled will pass as a meteorite crash easily enough," she said conversationally. I stared down at her honest face and felt ashamed.

"How did you get here?"

"The Cullens drove me," she said. "It was easier to find you once Charlotte and, um, Peter showed up."

"Peter and Char are here?" My interests spiked at this information – my best friends, from the Southern Vampire Wars, were here to visit. I hadn't seen them since I joined the Cullens and I missed them terribly.

"Yep. And, uh, Peter knew how to find you. I asked Edward how he knew where to find you, but P-Peter butted in and said that he just 'knows shit'. Is that normal?" Bella's face was an adorable tomato red and I would ask about that later. For now, I grinned and answered her question.

"Peter refuses to acknowledge his gift," I told her. She nodded, as if she understood why. "He prefers to pass it off as being naturally shrewd. Between you and me, that fucker has a gift."

She squirmed when I swore – because I never did around her – and I scowled. Peter hadn't even made his presence known to me yet and he was already rubbing off on me.

"Sorry, darlin'," I muttered, shaking my head. Peter was _not_ someone I wanted around my mate. He was a perfectly nice guy and would never, _ever_ hurt her, but he was a foul-mouthed bastard who would no doubt corrupt my sweet little girl. "Peter's a bad influence on me."

"Hmm," she hummed noncommittally. "Well, they showed up and, ah, Peter said I should come out here and help you. Said you'd lost yourself to the Major and needed a little direction to get back."

I saw red.

"Peter sent _you_ out here to deal with the Major?" We would be having words about that, Peter and I – and by words, I meant I was going to tear of his head and flush it down the toilet where it belonged; that boy had shit for brains. Bella nodded meekly.

"He said you wouldn't hurt me," she reassured me. "But to be honest, when I got here, I wasn't so sure."

The Major leaves no survivors.

"Bella, I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Eh. It's alright – Charlotte told me it was probably safe. After all, um, Peter said it would work. And he 'knows shit'."

I chuckled and stood, taking her little body with me. I held her like a new bride and we began a trek up the side of the brand-spanking-new crater. It was going to be a long ride back – I didn't have any suitable clothing and I couldn't very well run with fragile little Bella in my arms. Not for the seven hundred miles between Hinton, Alberta and Forks, Washington. My worries were short-lived because when I crested the hill, I was greeted by the sight of Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, their son, Alice, Sophie, Edward, Peter, and Charlotte waving up at me happily. Bella waved back from her nest in my arms.

I zoomed to the bottom of the mountain and deposited Bella back on the ground, but held her tight to my side. Peter smirked at my reluctance to let her go.

"So, sugar, what'd it take?" he asked her cheekily. She blushed furiously under his twinkling gaze. "Sexual favours, huh? I thought it might come to that."

"_Peter_," I said harshly. _No one_ talks to Bella like that. He held up his hands in mock defeat, but nudged Bella aside and enveloped me in the most emotional hug a man can give another man. This included a lot of back slapping and tight, yet brief torso-gripping. "Missed you, too, man."

"Next time, don't stay away so long, fucker," he said teasingly, but I knew he meant it. Before I could brace myself, I was knocked to the ground by a typical Charlotte hug. She flung herself through the air and gripped onto me with arms and legs, squeezing and rocking forcefully. She placed a big, fat kiss on both of my cheeks and the top of my head.

"Missed you, sugar," she giggled, gripping my head to her chest like she'd never let go. I wrestled myself out of her clutches and stood up. I kissed her head, too, and gave her a normal hug.

"No more than I missed you, sweet thing," I assured her. She and Peter drifted back together and continued to stare at me with happy looks of mischief.

"It's good to have you back," Carlisle said, clapping a hand on my shoulder. "You gave us quite the scare. No one knew what to do until Peter and Charlotte showed up. Peter sensed you were in trouble and they made their way up here the day after you, well…"

"How long was I gone?"

"Three weeks," Peter replied. I looked at him warily – this was a long time. I'd surrendered to the Major before for longer, but not in sixty years. In fact, I hadn't succumbed to him at all in the time I'd been with the Cullens. "But Bean here just stumbled her way over the mountain and gave you a little hug. You were right as rain before we could say sweet potato pie."

"Pete, you haven't eaten sweet potato pie in a hundred and sixty years," Charlotte laughed, shoving her husband good naturedly. "You'd think you didn't notice it's 2012."

"Aw, sugar, you can take a boy outta Texas, but you can't take the Texas outta the boy," he grinned, winking at Bella. She was near fire engine red by now and the embarrassment was rolling off of her in droves. "Isn't that right, Bean?"

She buried her burning face in my chest and Peter slapped his leg he laughed so hard.

"Peter _what_ have you done to Bella to make her so shy?"

"Seems Bella has a bit of a _crush_ on ole Petey," Emmett cackled alongside Peter, while Charlotte tried to hold back a grin. "Thinks he's just _adorable_."

"Shut up!" Bella whined, blushing harder. Peter swept in and placed a wet one on her cheek; I thought she might die. "Peter, ew!"

"Come on, Bean, you know you like it," he grinned, tugging on one of her curls. "Now, let's get your pretty little behind back to Washington so you can finish recuperatin'."

I only now noticed that Bella was sporting a rather impressive limp and grimace.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Well, Jack's birth didn't go quite as smoothly as Sophie's," she explained with the air of someone attempting to downplay an event. "So I only just woke up two days ago and I've got a few more stitches than normal."

I narrowed my eyes at her. She cracked easily under my stare.

"Okay, so I've got three broken ribs, at lot of internal tearing, and an eleven inch scar across my stomach."

"Bella!" I exclaimed, picking her up immediately. "Why are you even out of bed?"

"Peter said you needed help," she said in a small voice. I shot Pete a murderous glare. He held up is hands in surrender.

"You will _not_ be having another baby," I told her. She looked at me sheepishly.

"Well, Carlisle said you'd say that, so he administered it already…"

"You're pregnant in this state? Carlisle, what were you thinking?" I roared, handing Bella to Charlotte and starting toward the man I considered a father. He stepped back quickly, not nervous but definitely aware.

"I sealed her wounds with venom and the ribs should be fine by the time the baby is big enough to cause any damage, Jasper," he told me calmly. I was shaking with rage, but I felt Bella's hand in the crook of my elbow and I calmed marginally. "Besides, she simply has to last long enough to have the baby. After that, we'll simply change her."

"That's still up for debate, Carlisle," Bella said in a tone that indicated reminder. "I don't think I want to be a vampire."

"_What?_" Peter freaked out, not me – I'd seen this coming a million miles away. Bella had been so withdrawn from the family that sometimes I thought she didn't want to be there at all. "But Bean, you'll _die!_"

"Yeah," she said softly. I adjusted my gentle grip on her into a firm one and basically crushed her into my side. "People die, Peter."

"Not _you_," he said adamantly. Char touched his shoulder soothingly. "I won't let you."

"Pete," I warned. I knew this was a difficult topic for Bella to discuss and I didn't want to make her do it in front of the whole family. Bella patted my chest in a way that made me wonder if it was condescending or just comforting.

"It's okay, Jazz," she told me. She turned to Peter and looked him square in his face. "Life has been pretty shitty so far, Pete. I'm not sure I want it to go on forever."

"You have Jasper now," he said it like the fact that it might not be enough was completely mind boggling.

"I don't _have_ Jasper," she said with exasperation. "We've been over this, Peter. Jasper is a part of my life, just like all of you are, but it doesn't mean he's _mine_. I know he will be sad when I die, but he will get the fuck over it."

My heart panged. Peter looked at me in shock. I could almost hear his mind shouting '_how have you not told her yet?_'

"So you say," Peter growled in annoyance. This was clearly a spot of contention between the two. Peter was one argumentative fucker and Bella was as stubborn as a mule. I half grinned at the thought of them locked in mortal combat, witty retorts and blanket statements at the ready. "What's so funny, asshole?"

"You and Bella don't see eye to eye, do you, Pete?"

"Not even a little bit," she grumbled from my side. "He's one tough guy to argue with."

I laughed – if only she knew. "What about Char?"

"I like Charlotte," Bella said shyly, smiling at my sister tentatively. Char beamed at her; I knew she and Peter were nomads and therefore roamed freely, never pausing to make friends. While Peter was content with just Charlotte (his sole motivator for prolonged companionship was sex and, in Char's case, love), Char craved girl time and sisterly bonding like none other. Somehow, she knew Bella and I were sort of a package deal and she was thrilled to have another girl to hang around with.

"I like you, too, sugar," Char said happily, smoothing Bella's hair lovingly. Sure, Char _liked_ Bella. She wasn't fooling me – my girls loved each other like family already. Bella winced as she hugged Charlotte and Char simply cradled her in her arms. "Alright, sweet pea, let's get you home."

We all piled into Emmett's jeep and Peter's stolen Durango and headed for home.

**AN:** I cannot take credit for Bella's nickname by Peter – it's an idea I took from _malarial Marie_. Jasper refers to Bella as Jellybean, for much the same reason I will state in the next chapter. You will find it in her story Bad Moon Rising. I gotta say, it's probably the best Bella/Jasper story I've ever read, so I'm doing this as a compliment. Go read that story!


	20. Chapter 20

AN:Prepare yourselves. Peter's a bit of a dick.

BELLA POV

"So, Bells, tell me more about the arrival of Peter and Charlotte."

Jasper was obsessive about my relationship with the Texan nomads he called his siblings. It was a little bit funny – or it would have been if he would stop asking me the exact same question every five minutes. I gave him my very best You Are Getting On My Nerves Look and he blew it off with ease.

"Oh, come on! They are my family, you are my new family, and I want to know if you get along!" he begged adorably. Sophie was playing on the carpet in front of the couch with Jack, who was about eight months old now (but really, he'd been born three weeks ago) and Sophie was fast approaching about age five. Their aging rates seemed to grow like a square root function – quickly at first, but then more and more slowly. It was funny to see Jack catching up to Sophie so quickly.

"Well, Charlotte is great," I said truthfully, tossing Jack's stuffed panda across the room. The boy was like a puppy; he'd fetch anything. Jasper nodded eagerly. "She likes to cook, but really doesn't know how. At all. She boiled a pot of water dry the other day and set the pot on fire. That was an experience and a half, let me tell you. She's also the only girl I've ever met who didn't give a shit that I was repeatedly raped for three years by my stepfather."

That threw him for a loop a little bit and I watched the fury play over his face for a few minutes before I decided that perhaps he needed calming down.

"What I mean is this, Jazz – Charlotte came up to me and asked why a fifteen year old girl would consent to moving in with a coven of vampires and birthing three superhuman babies with nearly certain death as a reward. I told her that the coven of vampires didn't rape me on a daily basis and getting away from Phil and his friends was priority numero uno. She didn't even stare at me. She just nodded and said, 'I get that' and went on painting my nails," I said softly. Charlotte's easy acceptance of me as simply another person on the planet was comforting. I was tired of the world treating me like I was special because of the crap that had happened to me. If anything, I was less special than the average human being – I was tainted and disgusting.

The only reason I allowed Jasper to love me and care about me was because I was selfish. I was willing to corrupt this family with my filth. Tainted though I was, even I needed _someone_. So I took and took and took from these vampires who had nothing but goodness in them.

Jasper nodded, looking like he didn't understand that at all but he was going to accept it as an answer anyway.

"And Peter?"

"Peter…" I said hesitantly. I really liked Peter. I don't know what came over me, but every time I saw the guy, I just erupted into blushes. Peter was my irrational crush. The one man in the house from whom I could almost feel the disapproval – and I went and got all elementary school on him. Giggling like a seventh grader, losing the ability to speak…the fact that he didn't approve of me made him all the more ridiculously attractive. I saw it in his eyes every time he stared at me. Like I was filthy. Peter knew who I really was. On some level, I liked that. I liked that he looked at me and was disgusted. He was honest.

And yet, he joked with me. He gave me a nickname, told me Jasper stories, and helped Charlotte make cupcakes that spelled out "Happy Conception Day" for me. It baffled me, but I understood his motives on a basic level. He knew Jasper cared about me and he cared about Jasper, so tolerating me was essential. I just didn't know why he went out of his way to be nice.

"Peter sees too far inside," I finally settled, not knowing exactly how to describe my relationship with Jasper's beloved brother in arms. "But he really adores you. Maybe not _adores_…he respects you."

"He sees too far inside," Jasper hummed passively. He tapped his fingers on my knee absently. "You mean he sees you like you see you?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"No," Jasper said.

I raised my eyebrows.

"Peter sees you how _he_ sees you. But he also sees how you see _yourself_. I know that for a fact because he had to sit me down on more than one occasion after my escape from Maria and tell me to man up. It's his apparently nonexistent gift, Bella. He sees everything," he said gently. I looked away, ashamed that Jasper could see this much of me. "Are you afraid?"

"Yes," I whispered. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. Peter scared the crap out of me. Not because he might suck out all my blood, though that was a possibility, but because his insight gave him the power to destroy me. There was no part of me that was safe from Peter Whitlock.

We were silent for a few minutes, aside from the clanking of baby toys and the coos of baby Jack. Peter and Charlotte flitted into the room abruptly, breaking my concentration on the knee seam of Jasper's jeans. I looked up at Charlotte, who smiled, then at Peter, who frowned and looked away with a pained expression. Jasper apparently caught something in Peter's feelings that he didn't like because he gave a faint snarl in the direction of his brother.

Peter just looked awkwardly at me before smiling so widely it was impossible that it was real.

"Hey, Bean, how's the mini-bean?" he asked with a laugh, making poking motions at my belly. It had barely been a week, but I was already experiencing all sorts of first trimester joys. I threw up on a daily basis – I'd lost weight and Jasper was freaking out – and I spent as much time away from the public eye as possible.

I was slowly descending into the horrors of a vampire pregnancy again and by now, I knew what to expect. Next week, it would be total seclusion as my hormones went wild and I desperately required some extra stimulation – stimulation I would steadfastly refuse myself because it was disgusting. The following week, it would be baggy sweaters and yoga pants because the bruises would start and I wanted no one to know about that. The next one would be seclusion again as the baby started to stretch and crack bones. The Cullens needed this baby and I couldn't let them take away their saving grace. I knew they would, if they knew how much damage they caused.

"He's good," I told Peter quietly. I wrapped my arms around my stomach protectively. Peter was my biggest fear while pregnant – he saw so much that I could hardly stand to be around him right now. No way could he be allowed to find out the whole truth. Peter frowned at me again, this time angrily. I shrank into Jasper's arms.

"Pete," Charlotte said in a warning tone. He looked away from me and into his wife's face. The frown disappeared and he gazed at her adoringly. I was happy for Charlotte that her husband loved her like that. Like she was fine crystal that needed to be treated with the utmost care. She deserved to be treated like treasure.

"We're going hunting," Peter said to Jasper with a wicked glint in his eye. He got that whenever the mischievous smirk appeared. "Care to join us, Jasper?"

I panicked at the idea of Jasper killing a person on purpose and he felt my hysterical emotions. His hand fell on my knee and he glared at Peter.

"No," he said harshly. "And I would appreciate it if you could refrain from the murder talk in front of my very _human_ Bella."

That was another thing – having Peter and Charlotte in the house reminded me that the Cullens may be very conscientious about reining in their more supernatural/predatory tendencies, but they were still killing machines. I was thoroughly uneasy in the house now that I realized just how much danger I was in. One little paper cut could very well mean the end of my life. While I was prepared for that when Carlisle and Esme's baby was born, I didn't want to go while looking into Peter 's black eyes as he sucked me dry. Or anyone else's eyes for that matter.

"Sorry, sorry," Peter grinned as Charlotte smacked him in the head. She shook her blond curls and pushed him out the door. "We'll be back soon, Cullen family, Bean."

He paused, looked at me almost dismissively, and then turned to Jasper.

"We'll need to talk when I get back, Major," he said meaningfully. And they were gone.

"I don't know why I ever spared his life sometimes," Jasper grinned at me. "He is one annoying vampire."

"He's your brother," I told him. "You should love him."

"Oh, I do," he sighed, shaking his head. "He's just a handful. Clearly the immature younger brother."

I laughed. Jasper would be the reasonable older brother in any fake sibling pairing as far as I was concerned. He was respectful, kind, and rational. He could never be the wild, irresponsible younger brother that Peter was.

"When you guys talk later," I changed the subject, getting to this quickly because I knew I would have to throw up sometime in the near future and this needed to be said. "I want you to remember that I can't do this without you, Jasper. I can't have another baby by myself. I need someone to help me. You're the only one who will. Just remember that for me, okay?"

"Okay, darlin'," he smiled. "But remember, I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me."

JPOV

"Jasper," Peter said seriously. The look on his face was dark and held no hint of the teasing man I knew as my brother. Peter was rarely serious, so his expression had me on alert. "I need to talk to you about Bean."

"Why do you call her that?"

"It's short for Jellybean. She's shiny and cute and I sort of want to bite her in half," he explained with a small smile. His reference toward eating my daughter did not earn him any points, but I allowed him to continue. "Jasper, you know how I sort of _see things_?"

"Yep," I sighed. He'd never admit to having a gift.

"Well, I see the very basis of people's souls. I see everythin' about them. Let me tell you, whatever Bella has told you about her past is just a sliver of what has happened. She is broken inside. I look at her and…Jasper, she _hates_ herself," Peter looked at me sort of manically. He scrunched his hair in his fists. "She doesn't understand that you love her. I mean, she knows on some basic level that you won't leave her or anythin', but…she thinks she's makin' you stay. And she feels selfish and disgustin' for doin' it. She thinks she has tainted your family."

"She is not okay, Peter, I know that," I told him. I'd come to terms with the fact that Bella was never going to be fully okay. She would always be scared and sad in some way, but I did my best to alleviate that as much as possible. "She's been through a lot."

"No, Jasper, you don't understand!" Peter shouted at me. That surprised me – Peter never, ever raised his voice or spoke disrespectfully to me. It was a habit he had carried over from his years in Maria's army. I was his superior, he treated me with respect. "She thinks she's fuckin' sickenin'! She's havin' these babies to save your family, but she thinks that's the only thing she has to offer you. That other than bein' a vessel for life, she's absolutely worthless."

"She's not worthless," I told him worriedly. "I tell her she's wonderful every day."

"It's time you told her, Jasper. You know what I'm talkin' about," Peter said firmly. I looked away and crossed my arms. I wasn't quite ready to open that carton of eggs yet. "Look at me, you fucker. I don't care whether or not you're a little pansy. Tell her the fuckin' truth and save her damn life, you understand me?"

"Pete…she's not going to understand," I whispered desperately. He looked at me with hard eyes.

"That little girl needs something to hold onto. Right now, she's thinkin' she has three weeks before her time on this earth is up and no one is gonna give a flyin' fuck when it happens. I can barely look at her because when I do, I see how her world is black and filled to the brim with worthlessness and despair. I love that little girl so much, Jazz, 'cause I know what she means to you, to us. You need to help her. Tell her the truth, man."

I sighed. I knew Peter was right. I knew that my chest ached with every second I spent with her out of my sight. My talk with Alice last month had been easier and easier to understand as I looked at my life with Bella…I just didn't think she was quite ready for what I had to spring on her. It was worth a try, if it meant saving her life.

And finally – _finally –_ being with her like I wanted to be.


	21. Chapter 21

BELLA POV

Jasper had me cornered in my bedroom on a sunny Wednesday afternoon two weeks into my pregnancy. I was now wicked horny, ashamed, and pondering the likelihood of Jasper agreeing to let me use him as my own personal dildo. Not that I was, you know, _attracted_ to him or anything. I was just really, _really_ frustrated. And his t-shirt was clinging to his chest so nicely…

I'm getting sidetracked.

He looked nervous, if the hands-shoved-in-pockets, shifting-from-foot-to-foot thing was anything to go by. He stood in my doorway, effectively blocking me from escaping. I could almost feel dread weighing me down – if Jasper wanted to talk, nothing good could come of it.

"Yes, Jasper?"

"I need to tell you something," he said. I stared at him and waited. He looked surprised. "Oh! Now? Okay…"

I laughed.

"Jasper, I'm not going to make fun of you. And I'm not going to freak out. Just tell me," I reassured him. He walked further into my room and sat down on the edge of my bed. Then he stood up as if he were burned. He stood directly in front of me, crossed his arms, frowned, and uncrossed them. "Well…?"

"We're mates," he blurted out. I blinked in surprise, and then started laughing my ass off. He frowned.

"Like…animals? Swans or whatever?"

"If we're going to get technical…"

"So, what, are you going to fuck me when I'm 'in heat'? Are you going to get all possessive and start pissing on things? I have _so_ had enough male macho crap for this lifetime!"

"Bella – no! Not all soul mates become involved romantically…We'll likely just connect better than any other two people on the planet. You and I, we're two halves of a whole."

"Oh, Jazz, that's rich!"

"It's true!"

"Sure, and I'm the Queen of England."

He did not look happy that I wasn't buying his fake declaration of…matehood? Yeah, matehood sounded right. I knew all about mates from Emmett. He enjoyed going into detail about how having sex with your mate was ten times better than regular sex. There was no way Jasper and I would be having any sort of sex. He thought of me as his child.

"Bella, why do you think I would lie about this?" Jasper huffed out, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. I looked at him, mind-boggled.

"_That's_ your big question? Jeez, Jasper, isn't it obvious? I'm not good enough for you! You're kind, and good, and sexy, and normal. There is no way the universe would burden you with a fuck up for a mate."

"You are all of those things, too!" He exclaimed, grabbing my hands. "Well, maybe not _normal_, but everything else."

Oh, dear. I could see this would need some explaining.

"Jasper. I am dirty and tainted. I am not good for you. I am going to die in thirteen days. You cannot want me!"

"I do. And you aren't."

"For crying out loud, Jasper, ask Peter. He can tell you all about why I'm not good for you."

"Peter?"

"Yes," I said stiffly. I started to cry, which only made me angry. Stupid, fucking pregnancy tears! "Peter knows all about my disgusting childhood. He knows about how I let my stepfather fuck me. He knows how I killed my first baby when I was thirteen. He knows that dozens of men have shoved their dicks inside of me. He knows that I worked at a strip club one summer. He knows I am ruined!"

"Did he tell you this?" Jasper looked ready to commit murder. Just as he stood up, fists clenched in anger by his sides, the door burst open and in waltzed Peter.

"Calm down, fucker, and give the girl some space to talk," he ordered Jasper. Jasper's eyes bugged out of his head. I could see the confusion written on his face: who was this large and in charge motherfucker and what had he done with Peter? "Bean, continue."

In that moment, I felt like I was being given permission to speak. I'd see enough of that shit in my lifetime.

"Peter, you bastard, don't you _dare_ talk to me! I will speak whenever the fuck I want to, do you understand me? You don't own me!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, lunging at him and pounding my breakable fists into his marble chest and shoulders. I couldn't reach his face. "I don't care what you think! I know I'm gross and nasty, but you don't get to call me that! You don't get to judge me!"

At this point, Jasper had grabbed my wrists and was crushing my struggling body to his chest – presumably, this was to prevent me from causing myself any further harm, but I was seeing red.

"Fuck you!" I bellowed at Peter. I continued to claw at Jasper's skin to free myself and attack Peter, which served only to wear my fingernails down and chip a few chunks off. "Just – just _fuck you_!"

"Calm down!" Peter roared, inches from my face. I fell instantly silent, shocked into paralysis. "Bella, where the fuck did you get the idea that I think you're disgusting?"

I said nothing. I didn't even blink.

"Tell me," he ordered.

"You won't even look at me," I whispered. My voice cracked – it was raw from all the screaming. "I know you see what I am inside."

"What I see inside of you, Bean, is a little girl who hates herself. I don't think you're disgusting. You do."

I was still breathing hard in Jasper's firmly clenched arms. I stared into Peter's vibrant red eyes and all I saw was sorrow. He wasn't lying to me. He was unhappy that I thought myself unworthy of anything. My pain hurt him. I collapsed in Jasper's arms and started to sob. I sobbed for my mom. I sobbed for my lost innocence. I sobbed for every horrific time an unknown friend of Phil's stuck his filthy dick inside me. I sobbed for the baby I aborted at age thirteen. I sobbed for the loss of my friend Cindy and my dog Zeus. I sobbed for Sophie and Jack. I sobbed for Alice, who couldn't have Jasper anymore because he was mine. I sobbed for Jasper, who was stuck with me. I sobbed for Peter, who saw all the pain the world held. I sobbed for Carlisle's unborn baby.

I sobbed for my date of death, looming in the shadows just thirteen days away. I had survived the last two babies. I would not survive another.

"I don't want to die," I told Jasper honestly. I felt like this was the first time that statement had been true in almost five years. He clutched me tighter and I noticed he was shaking. "Jasper, I love you."

"I love you, Bella, I love you so much," he said tightly. He leaned his head against mine and looked me in the eyes. "I don't want you to die, either."

"Will you turn me?"

"Of course," he looked relieved. I stroked his cheek softly, easing away the creases of worry. "I'm glad we get to live."

"We?"

"I won't live without you," he said determinedly. "If you die, I die. No arguments."

"I must never die," I vowed. No way in hell was I taking Jasper down with me. Peter cleared his throat. "Get your ass over here, you stupid fuck."

He sauntered his way into our hug and Jasper pressed his lips against Peter's smooth temple for several seconds. I settled for kissing Peter's bicep since I couldn't reach his face. I held onto both of the Whitlock boys with all my human might. I was sandwiched between them and I loved the feel of their steel arms locking me into a happy little cage. I felt safe there.

"Well, would you look at that," Charlotte's voice sounded from the doorway. I lifted my head from Jasper's chest and looked at her from my Whitlock cocoon. I sensed it would be growing soon. "Bella Bean, the men – they fall down at your feet!"

"Char," Jasper said warningly. I just smiled up at him happily.

"It's okay, Jasper, I'm done crying about my past. I'm all about the present now," I told him, aware that my eyes were still red from crying. "Charlotte, get in on this hug before it's over."

She leapt across the room and wrapped her arms around Peter, Jasper, and I. She kissed Jasper's cheek, Peter's lips, and my head.

"Bella," she murmured into my hair. "My family calls me Char."

"Okay," I said. "I love you, Char."

* * *

Carlisle had spent a great deal of time catering to my every need for the past three days. Ever since my little chat (mental breakdown) with Peter, I'd completely immersed myself into the family. Alice still had plenty of explaining to do about the whole Don't Tell Bella You're Her Soul Mate deal, but I'd pretty much forgiven her already. For two reasons, mostly: 1) I now had Jasper's unswerving love and devotion and 2) I would never bet against Alice. If she chose not to tell me, there were bound to be a long list of good reasons attached. I found myself growing more and more pissed off at Edward, though, who had basically phased me right out of his life now that I was attached at the hip to Jasper.

He hadn't treated me very well, really. He'd sent me back to Phil's several months ago. That made me very unhappy. Then we'd had a brief and barely-there scattered romance that he seemed to think could just end with no warning or conversation at all. I wasn't really upset about my failed relationship with him, though. I'd fallen for him irrationally and gotten right back up with no warning, so I guess his lack of communication was just for the best. I had realized long ago that, if he would have me, Jasper was the only one for me. Edward and I just sort of ended without any conflict whatsoever. I was alright with no conflict – in fact, I was alright with that for the rest of my life.

Back to the point – Carlisle was giving Jasper a run for his money with the spa treatment. I felt like royalty these days. Carlisle and Jasper were currently latched onto my left and right feet respectively, rubbing the swelling away with their cold hands. I moaned in contentment. Jasper twitched.

"I could get used to this."

Carlisle smiled at me, but Jasper shot me a wicked grin. My feet were resting on each of their knees while my butt was plunked comfortably in a massive corduroy chair. My hands were occupied by two different things – one was balancing my mug of tea on the arm of the chair while my other rubbed my swollen belly repetitively.

"Is he moving?" Carlisle asked with a glint in his eye. Carlisle never got glints; he was too straight-laced to be glinty. I nodded my head in the affirmative. Baby Carlisle was squirming around like crazy right now, elbowing and kneeing me whenever he saw fit. The little guy was pretty strong already. "Can I?"

"Go ahead," I told him. "He's yours, remember."

Carlisle grinned and flattened his palm against my stomach. Baby Carlisle gave a particularly strong shove against my pitiful human flesh and Carlisle jumped in surprise. I kid you not, he actually jumped. Then his face split into the most devastatingly happy smile I'd ever seen on his features.

"He's so strong!" Carlisle exclaimed proudly. I rolled my eyes – men were all the same. All they wanted was a strong little son to play catch with. Abruptly, he shoved my shirt upwards to lay his hands against my bare skin. The smile slid from his face. "Bella…"

I didn't have to look down to see what he was upset about. I knew my stomach was mottled with bruises, some new but mostly yellowed with a few days' age to them. Baby Carlisle _was_ strong.

"Bella, why didn't you say something?"

"What would you do if I did?" I asked pointedly.

"Abort, of course! It's killing you!"

"Abort your own son?" I asked with a mirthless smile. "You wouldn't do that, Carlisle. Besides, he's – he's mine, too, for now. I love having him inside me. It's like my own personal constant companion."

"We have to get him out. I can't believe I didn't see this before! Why were there never any bruises when I delivered the others?"

"They stop moving about a week before…not enough room, I guess." Carlisle did not look at all pleased with this information and Jasper looked even less so. His eyes were burning with rage. It appeared he had been reminded of the bathroom incident months ago when he'd called me a mess. The bruises were worse this time; Carlisle's baby had more kicking room than Emmett's had.

"Get it out," he ordered Carlisle in a tone that left no room for discussion. I crossed my arms and looked at my incensed soul mate.

"Now, you listen to me. This baby is mine for the month I get to spend with it, so if you think I'm going to lie down and let you murder my child, you've got another thing coming. I don't care if I have to ban you from being near me for the next two weeks! You are not touching my baby," I scolded, waving my hands at him in frustration. Jasper peered down at me haughtily. "Don't look at me like that! You'd do the same thing if I told you I had to kill Sophie for your own good."

He snarled ferociously, at which I actually cringed away in fear. It wasn't my fault or his – I'd been conditioned to flinch when a man swelled with anger toward me. Compulsion made me avert my eyes and bow my head. The second my fear gripped me, Jasper had my chin in his hand to turn my face to his.

"I will never hurt you," he said fervently. "Never."

My lower lip trembled, but I forced it back. No way would I cry again. No way would I let Phil continue to control my every response; Carlisle and Jasper were to be trusted. I didn't have to let myself crumble into submission with them. They didn't _want_ me to submit.

"Okay," my voice only cracked a little bit. I smiled at him with teary eyes, but I didn't shed a single one. He smiled back at me and pressed his lips against mine in a tender, closed-mouth kiss. It was brief and chaste, but it made me feel loved. Not in a romantic way, but in a safe and warm way. I touched his golden curls affectionately.

It had been too easy to fall into an intense friendship with Jasper. I hadn't seen him as my father for a long time, but I had always held him on some sort of pedestal. I no longer did that – Jasper was not my superior, but an equal. We were together on everything. He didn't try to order me around – his only demands were those which would make me happier or safer. I didn't try to pull away or shut him out. In fact, I had become almost brutally honest with him; every day I revealed a little bit more of my past to him. Every day he did the same thing. I knew all about that bitch Maria and the pain and suffering she caused my mate. We'd given up fighting the bond we had and let ourselves depend on each other utterly. We were now so closely bonded that it pained me to be more than ten feet from him. The poor guy had to sit outside in the hall while I took a shower.

I didn't feel too badly. From what Emmett said, it hurt Jasper more to be apart than it hurt me. They were all surprised I even felt the pull, what with being a human and all. Carlisle theorized that the two vampire children I had born may have left traces of vampire venom in my system.

"Jasper, sit your ass down on this chair and let me sit on you," I told him, struggling to get out of the deep chair in a manner that I was sure entertained my mate and my father to no end. Jasper slid in beneath me and wrapped his arms around my body, settling me between his legs. The dull ache I'd felt for the last hour subsided. "That's better."

"Yes, it is."

"Carlisle, this is the end of the abortion discussion. That is a route I will never travel again."

He nodded understandingly. Then he left Jasper and I alone to cuddle and whisper in the massive chair like love-struck fools. I spent the next few hours stroking Jasper's battle scars and he spent them whispering words that made me forget my internal ones.


	22. Chapter 22

BELLA POV

"Bella!" Emmett screamed from somewhere in the house. I heard his thundering footsteps as he trampled his way up the stairs at lightning speed. Jasper shot me a look, wordlessly saying 'this can't be good'. I nodded back at him with a small grin. "I bought you something!"

"Oh, heavenly Jesus, deliver us your mercy," Jasper prayed into my ear with a chuckle. Emmett burst into the room wearing the most ridiculous shirt I had ever seen. It was hot pink and said 'I Like to Get Drunk and Hump Things' in big block letters. My jaw dropped and I felt Jasper shaking with laughter behind me. Emmett's face clearly stated that he thought it was the most wonderful shirt in the world.

"I found a website that makes funny shirts!" he exclaimed gleefully. "So I bought a bunch."

"A bunch?"

"Okay, one of each, but they were having a sale!" he sounded disturbingly like Alice in that statement. "Alright, so it wasn't a sale so much as it was a discount for buying in bulk."

"I understand, Emmett," I told him with a laugh. "One should never pass up a sale."

"Uh, whatever – anyway, look at what I bought you!" he whipped a shirt out from behind his back and waved it in my face. Jasper's sharp eyes caught the slogan before it was even sitting straight. He snorted with laughter. "Look, it says 'Pregnant Chicks Are Hot'!"

"…It sure does…" I said warily. Would I have to wear this monstrosity? I looked backward at Jasper fearfully. He smirked and shook his head. Clearly, I'd be getting no help whatsoever from my so-called soul mate. "Jasper, you deserting bastard. I love it, Emmett!"

"Put it on, put it on!" he chanted like he was five. I stood up from Jasper's lap and unzipped my hoodie. I snatched the shirt from Emmett's hands and shimmied it over my tank top grumpily. "Aw, it fits!"

"Great!" I said with false enthusiasm. Jasper was rolling in the chair hysterically. I shot him a death glare, but he only laughed harder. "I can't wait to wear this to dinner with Esme!"

"It's gonna be great!"

"You know, Emmett," I said, a plan forming in my head. "I should probably wear something over it. It's so nice; someone might want to steal it…"

"That's okay, I bought two!"

Of course he did.

"Well, thanks, Emmett. I really appreciate it!" Really, it was a nice gesture. Emmett was obviously attempting to make an effort toward re-befriending me. Between babies one and two, I'd sort of cut everyone out. I had several bridges to mend, but Alice, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme and Jasper were all back on excellent terms with me. I still had to deal with Rosalie and Edward, but those were conversations I had been putting off for weeks. Rosalie was thankfully busy with Jack almost constantly and Edward was suspiciously adept at being out of the house when I decided to talk to him.

"I got you a bunch, actually," Emmett said, pulling out a massive plastic bag filled with t-shirts from behind his back. They said various things, all of them somehow a sexual innuendo. I saw many things I hoped never to wear. 'I Like Dirty Cowboys', 'I Like to Watch', 'Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian', 'If You're Gonna Ride My Ass, You Could At Least Pull My Hair' being the more nasty of the bunch. I glowered at Emmett's insinuation that I enjoyed back entry sex and he just grinned cheekily. "What? I bet you do. If you didn't have such a terrible sex history, I bet you'd just love a little backdoor boogie –"

"Shut the fuck up!" Jasper roared, depositing me on the couch in order to gain dexterity for his attack on Emmett. Upholding my virtue was of upmost importance to one Jasper Whitlock, Master of Defending Bella's Integrity. "Don't talk about her like that! She's – she's not dirty, you fucker! She's sweet and nice and she doesn't like butt fucking, you disgusting –"

"How do you know?" I asked with a grin. Jasper's fist paused midair above Emmett's face. They both looked at me. Emmett with glee, Jasper with some sort of dark emotion in his eyes. "I happen to have engaged in – what'd you call it? – oh yes, the _backdoor boogie _several times."

"But you don't like it," Jasper stated, turning back to Emmett's soon-to-be-flattened face.

"I never said that…" Poor Jasper's face was contorted in some sort of mix of rage, intrigue, and embarrassment. "It's fun."

"You said you'd never had sex you liked!"

"I had sex in a bathroom stall once. It was fun. No birth control, so we did anal."

"What the fuck?" Jasper looked lost, the poor guy. I decided to cut him some slack.

"Just kidding, Jazz, don't get your panties in a bunch."

I hopped – rolled – off my couch in Jasper's room (he'd designated it my 'spot') and hauled my ass downstairs for dinner. Jasper and Emmett continued to fight to the death over my flimsy virtue and Peter, Char, and Esme joined me at the dinner table. Carlisle was working the late shift, Edward was mysteriously absent, and Rosalie was tending to the baby. The kid never slept, I swear.

"Hey, guys," I said, sitting in at the plate Esme had fixed me. Alice seemed to have had some input on tonight's dinner because I looked down to see a peanut butter and dill pickle sandwich, lemonade, and strawberry pop tarts. Pregnancy cravings. "Thanks, Esme, this looks great!"

"Even by human standards, that shit looks nasty," Peter sniffed, grimacing as I bit into my PB & dill pickle sandwich. I just grinned at him and chewed. "So, nice shirt."

"Thanks, hot stuff," I said around another bite. I swung my feet under my chair. I'd taken to calling Peter 'Hot Stuff' ever since a rather unfortunate incident involving the cooking of breakfast, a horny Char, a hot stove, and Peter's right ass cheek. He just scowled at me and shifted uncomfortably in memory. "You know me; I'm one sexy whale lady."

"You don't look like a whale, Bean," Peter told me, mussing up my hair affectionately. My turn to scowl. I chomped on my sandwich a little more. "You look beautiful. I tell you, pregnancy agrees with you. I must say your ass has been looking mighty fine lately."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Don't let Jasper hear you say that. He's kicking Emmett's face in for a reference to my ass about ten minutes ago."

"Bella," Esme said in a mom tone, a natural reaction to my use of profanity. I shot her a winning smile I had learned from Emmett.

"Sorry, mom," I said sweetly. She smiled, kissed my head, and moved back into the kitchen. Char was hiding a smile behind her dainty little hand. I smirked because Char may look like a little lady, but she swore like a trucker and told dirtier jokes than Peter did.

"Damn, Bean, you have her wrapped around your little finger," she giggled. I nodded sassily and dug into my pop tarts. "Really, you've got them all wrapped around your little finger."

I made a 'pshh' sound and shook my head. "Just Esme and Jasper, really. Everybody else seems sane enough to resist the draw of my tortured soul."

Peter snorted in amusement, shoving my shoulder gently – gently for him, almost enough to knock me from my seat.

"Come on, Bean, the rest of the Cullens are Bella obsessed. Yes, Esme bakes, cooks, and deep fries anything your little heart desires and Jasper rubs any part of your body you ask him to – okay, that sounded less pornographic in my head…"

"You perve," I told Peter. I sipped on my lemonade while he got himself back on track.

"Well, as I was saying – Emmett thinks you hung the freaking moon. I've never seen a vampire so enraged as when you casually mentioned last month that you once spent a week playing with a knife in your room after watching _I Spit On Your Grave_. Rosalie admires the way you try to hide your pain from the world so you don't hurt anyone – that's fucked up, but she's thinks it's cool. Edward likes that you love with your whole heart. He thinks you forgive too easily, but he loves it. Carlisle looks at you like you're the saving grace of this whole world. Alice sees a sister she has always wanted. Char, here, loves you like the girlfriend she has wanted ever since she got landed with me," Peter winked suggestively at his wife, who raised her eyebrows. "I'm just not cut out for girl talk, Bean."

I laughed – I could see it now, Peter and Charlotte sitting on the floor in front of the couch, watching 27 Dresses, painting each other's nails, and talking about boys. Peter would probably break out the fuzzy pink slippers and feather pillows.

"No, I don't suppose you are. After all, Charlotte can't very well whine about your sexing skills to you," I mused, tapping my chin. "Char, I think it's about time we had a sleepover!"

"I think you might be right, Bella Bean," she smirked. Peter stared at her with wide eyes. "Wait until you hear about –"

"No! No sleepovers!" Peter clamped his hands onto my ear a little too firmly. He hadn't spent all that much time touching me except for that group hug a while back. I winced as he almost crushed my head.

"Ouch, you knucklehead! Let go of me!"

He dropped his hands a looked at me apologetically. "Sorry, Bean. I'm still getting used to holding onto an overripe peach."

"_Excuse me?"_

"I'm just saying, one gentle poke and you're going to be leaking all over the floor," Peter winked. "And then, perhaps, dripping down my chin."

"If you eat Bella, Peter, I'm going to rip your throat out," Jasper said pleasantly as he waltzed into the kitchen. He grabbed an apple out of the bowl on the counter and tossed it into the air. He caught it swiftly and proceeded to take a massive bite out of it. I stared at him in shock. He made a face. "Ew, this is gross."

"The fuck are you doing?" I asked incredulously. He grinned at me and held out the rest of the apple. I took it and bit into it.

"Just curious about what I was missing," he shrugged. He looked at Charlotte and whispered conspiratorially, "Nothin' much, apparently."

"Somebody's in good spirits," Charlotte observed suspiciously. Jasper flashed a blindingly white grin.

"I just defended the honour of my mate and proceeded to have the best wank of my life while in the shower," he said like it was entirely normal to talk about masturbation with your family. I stared at him in horror, mouth hanging open in shock. "Close your mouth, Bella, before I get any ideas."

My face erupted into a magnificent vermillion colour. Peter and Charlotte were rolling in their seats with laughter. Carlisle drifted into the kitchen, curious to see what was going on. Jasper looked at my face and seemed to shake himself mentally.

"Bella, I'm so sorry – I didn't mean to be so presumptuous. It's hard for me, sometimes, to be –"

"Vampires are a pretty sexual species," Charlotte explained to me. "Poor Jasper hasn't been laid over a year. Add that to the fact that he spends every waking moment – which is every moment – hanging around his very pregnant, horny mate and I'm surprised he hasn't come in his pants yet."

Jasper shot her a withering stare. I widened my eyes. Well, _shit_.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. It's just…being pregnant makes me really horny," my face was still burning as I spoke. "I know you can feel emotions and stuff, but I can't control it. And I can't do anything about it with you sitting outside my door!"

Jasper's eyes darkened. He stalked forward a few steps until he was pressed against my chest.

"Do you touch yourself, Bella?" he whispered huskily. A little thrill went through me as his breath tickled my neck. This was…new. His thumb skimmed my lower lip and I shuddered. "Do you think about me when you bring yourself to the edge? Do you think about my cock in your –"

I moaned, but he stepped back.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. He looked angry. "I'm going to have a shower."

The room was silent for a moment. I was left practically gagging for it while Jasper raced out of the room. Carlisle sat down at the table. Peter and Charlotte looked at one another before turning back to me.

"Didn't he just get out of the –"

"Yes," Peter cut me off. "There's going to be a repeat performance."

Well, fuck, if that wasn't the sexiest thing I'd heard all week. However, he wasn't getting off that easily – pun intended. No way was I about to stand by and let him release the tension while I waited and waited for some time alone. I never got time alone. Jasper was attached to my hip. The way things were now, I'd never come again!

"Bella, where are you going?" I turned around to see Carlisle looking worried.

"I'm going to give Jasper a piece of my mind," I told him. Carlisle frowned.

"That's a bad idea. Jasper is very dedicated to making this work, Bella," Carlisle told me seriously. I raised an eyebrow in question. "Your mating bond is…difficult for him. He knows you are against the idea of a more traditional bond. He respects your decision to have a platonic mating bond."

"What?" My decision?

"When he told you he was your mate, you told him you didn't want a sexual bond with him. So he is determined to…how shall I put this? Ah, _keep it in his pants_."

"Jasper doesn't want to have sex with _me_!" I exclaimed. "I would have noticed. I've been within six feet of him for the last several weeks. I've sat on his lap. He's felt my emotions. He's done nothing about it!"

"He's spent the better part of a month beating off in the shower, Bean," Peter grinned. "A _lot_. Sometimes while you're in the shower. Remember when he so kindly offered to help you shower? He stood outside the shower and looked through the shower curtain. He told me you bent over the pick up the soap or something and he almost lost it."

"Jasper…_wants_ me?"

"Ohhh, yeah," Emmett bounded into the kitchen with a shit eating grin on his face. "You should hear it, Bells. 'Oh, Bella, oh fuck…yes…mmmm…harder, baby…' He's putting Rosie and I to shame with his one man show!"

I was bright red. "You can _hear_ him!"

"Bella, you hear _everything_ in a house of vampires," Char winked at me. I smacked a hand over my eyes. _Oh, god_. "For instance, right now I'm hearing lots of moaning – oh, there's your name. An 'oh, fuck' and a couple of – ooh, he's just chanting your name now, Bean."

Peter made a face of amusement. "Oh…and it's over!"

I thought I might sink into the floor. I sat down on the nearest chair and covered my face with my hands.

"Hold on," Carlisle said mischievously. "Round two!"

_Already?_

"He's not going to last long this time," Edward chimed in. I looked over at him in shock – Edward had avoided me like the plague since I found out about being Jasper's mate. "He's thinking about Bella being pregnant with Sophie. Poor guy's going to – oh, and there he goes."

_Pregnancy_ turned Jasper on? This, I could use to my advantage.

"Holy, crap, Jazz! Again?" It was Alice this time. I narrowed my eyes at her, but she just smiled timidly. "Hey, Bella."

"Alice," I said unhappily. Her smile faltered.

"Bella, you should know that I never touched Jasper once I realized he was yours," she said softly. I looked at her sceptically. "And I never once _tried_ to interfere. I only followed what my visions told me."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have believed it from anyone but Jasper?" I knew she had an answer to that, since Alice saw everything. This was her way of acknowledging that she hadn't tried to control the situation. I shook my head and smiled back at her. She positively beamed. "He's making all sorts of noise, you know."

I wasn't sure how to handle sex talk with Alice about her ex-husband, my mate.

"So I've been told."

"You should head on up and hear it for yourself," she winked, nodding toward the stairs. I looked at her in confusion. Apparently, we were going to treat my mating with Jasper as a non-event. She was okay with it, I was okay with it. That's that. Okay.

I swallowed and started to climb the stairs. My heart was thumping wildly and my hands were shaking. I could do this. I could face a Jasper consumed by desire. Couldn't I? I decided I could.

I turned the doorknob of the bathroom courageously and flung it open. Jasper was standing on the other side of the glass door – a glass door without those modest frosted strips – and pumping his cock furiously with his right hand. I couldn't help myself; I just stared at it hungrily. It was thick and long and a little bit pink at the tip…everything really must be bigger in Texas. It looked almost too big for his lanky body. It was hot.

"Hey, Jazz," I said breathily. His head snapped up and his eyes opened to look at me in fear. "Whatcha got there?"

"Bella, fuck, close the door!"

I did, with me on the inside. I stalked over to him and opened the door of the shower. I knelt down in front of him as he cowered against the wall of the shower. I swatted his hand away, which he seemed to struggle against for only a split second.

Then I opened my mouth and swallowed his cock.


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Getting down to the wire, guys. Six chapters left.

PS: Prepare yourselves for some Jasper action...

* * *

BELLA POV

Jasper was an absolute machine in bed. We never actually had sex – we agreed it might be a tad early in our four hour relationship to be fucking already – but he took my body to pleasurable heights that I had never even dreamed of. If I'd known accosting him in the shower would turn out like this, I'd have done it a lot sooner. He spent a good deal of time with his head buried between my legs, sucking and gasping frantically while he tugged on his cock. Jasper Whitlock in the throes of passion was a sight to behold. Each time he came, his whole body shook and his face became the most openly readable book of ecstasy I'd ever seen. His left hand would clench around my hip and he would make the sexiest gasp in the world followed by a string of curse words and my name.

That was another thing – he was a talker.

There was something very empowering about watching Jasper fall apart when he touched me. I felt like I was the dominant one during sexual encounters, which was just fine with me. It made me feel safe to be in charge. So, each time he bit through his lip upon orgasm, I giggled my approval like a twelve year old girl. In fact, my pleasure at his apparent incapability to fully recover between orgasms was taking over me rather quickly.

I gripped his lusciously golden curls and tugged his head away from my lower lips. He grinned at me and latched onto a nipple, moaning and panting like a puppy. I pulled again and he finally surface, allowing me a small respite from the four hour orgasm he'd been attempting to coax out of me. I pushed his shoulder to make him roll off of me. He did so willingly and lay flat on his back, naked as the day he day born, panting and grinning like an idiot.

"Jasper, you look like an idiot," I told him, flattening his wild hair. He just grinned wider, the self-satisfied little bugger. I peered down at his 'Captain' – yes, Jasper had named his dick and he was quite proud of it. I wondered fleetingly if Peter knew he shared a rank with Jasper's cock. "Does that thing _ever_ deflate?"

"First of all, darlin', don't ever refer to the Captain as _'that thing'_. Second, he hasn't deflated even for a minute ever since Alice shoved me into believing you were my mate," he said cheekily, sliding his hand sneakily toward the apex of my thighs. I swatted his hand away – I couldn't take any more!

"I never felt it when I sat on your lap," I whispered, rolling into him and huffing when my belly whacked against his arm. The damn thing was huge! Jasper just looked at me with a slightly embarrassed grin on his face. "What?"

"Well, you'd hinted pretty strongly at the fact that you didn't want any piece of the Captain, Bella, so I had to do something to keep you from knowing how hard you make me," he murmured happily into my hair. "I taped the poor guy to my leg. Duct tape – all the way around my thigh. Itched like a bitch, but it dulled the feeling of your sweet ass rubbing on the Captain. And it kept you from feeling anything."

"Jasper! You weirdo; you taped your dick to your leg?"

"Oh, yes, darlin'," he sighed. He shook his head absently. "Shoulda seen me sitting outside your bedroom on the hallway floor, whacking off for all I was worth because I knew I'd have to put it back on in a couple of hours…a low point in my existence, Bean."

The nickname was not something I was pleased about people picking up.

But the mental picture of Jasper walking gingerly out of my room after chastely kissing my head goodnight and proceeding to rip off his duct tape castrator and sit cross-legged on the floor with his dick in hand all night was too much. I slid down his body as gracefully as my seven-months-pregnant belly would allow and wrapped my hands around the Captain one above the other. Jasper hissed and his eyes glinted down at me eagerly.

"Does the Captain need a kiss?" I asked his softly. He jerked out a nod and threw his head back as I pressed my lips to his head and spread them slowly around him. He came into my mouth when I was only an inch into the several to follow. I didn't worry – Jasper was multi-orgasmic as he'd proven time and time again over the last four hours. I swallowed, which had amazed him the previous three times I'd done it – Alice never had. In fact, I got the feeling that Alice never put her mouth on his body at all. Kisses, yes – blow jobs, no.

"Bella, fuck, your mouth is so hot, baby…I want to be inside you – _yes_ – like that, darlin', like that," he hissed as I slid my teeth along his length and rubbed my tongue under his head. "Oh, the Captain most certainly wants another kiss, baby."

The door slammed open and I turned my head, never moving from Jasper's dick, to see who the intruder was. Peter stood in the doorway, arms crossed, with an affronted expression on his face.

"You rank me on the same level as your dick, Major?" he asked with a hurt tone. Charlotte appeared behind him a second later with a half apologetic, half horrified look on her face. She tugged firmly on Peter's arm, but he didn't budge. "That's just rude, brother."

"Pete, get out of here! Judging by the sounds that have been coming from this room, do you honestly think Jasper has told her everything?"

"But, Char!" Peter whined. I continued to suck Jasper's dick, gazing at the two with mild curiosity. Tell me what? "I wanna play, too!"

"Come on, Captain, you and I can go play next door," she told him, yanking him out of the doorway with a 'Sorry!' look at Jasper. I turned back to Jasper's face, rolled his balls in my hand and swallowed when he came. As soon as he was done, I looked up at him expectantly and said,

"Tell me what?"

* * *

I sat in Peter's hijacked Avalanche (new car every day, it seemed) and listened to the sound of Bad Company's _Can't Get Enough_ thrumming through the surround sound system. I wondered vaguely if this was a CD that had been left in the poor victim's car when Peter stole it or if it was his own. The song described my addiction to Jasper and his dick perfectly. In fact, I'd only just managed to pry myself away from Jasper's pretty cock long enough to take this ride through town with Peter. I kept eyeing him suspiciously; the fucker was always up to no good. Exhibit A was the fact that I was apparently a trucker now, if my swearing was anything to go by. This was courtesy of Peter, of course. He swore nonstop.

"Where are we going, Hot Stuff?"

"Bean, the coil marks are almost gone. When will you let this go?"

"The only way I will ever let you forget about this is if I somehow lose all my human memories during the change. Even then, I have a contingency plan," I told him cheekily, patting his hand lightly as it rested on the console between us. He tensed a little at my touch, but remained otherwise unfazed. Peter struggled with his bloodlust, something I knew Jasper had only recently found a reason to overcome (me), and I felt bad about being unable to help him. "I've forced Jasper to swear on the Captain that he will tell me about it when I wake up."

"If you don't remember, why is he even going to be worried?"

"Char will remember."

He grimaced and cracked the window long enough to gulp in a breath of air. He then rolled it back up, being unusually considerate of my human needs. It was, after all, the middle of January and he had forced me from the house without a coat. "She will."

"Again, what's with the road trip?"

He frowned a little bit and shot me a look of what might be amusement or frustration; sometimes it was hard to tell with him. He chewed the inside of his cheek – a very cowboy-ish move that he and Jasper both did unconsciously. Char and I found it to be endearingly attractive. Ladies love country boys. I refocused on my conversation with Peter. Too many Jasper related thoughts made me space out.

"Jasper filled you in on coven dynamics," Peter stated. I nodded. That had been quite a doozy. Covens were like big, nudist, over-sharing festivals of love, apparently. Jasper had put it more delicately, but all I took from his talk was that everyone in a coven was…_together_. "So you know that he, Char, and I have been…not _involved_, really, but sort of…really close? Yeah, we've been really close for the last hundred and fifty or so years."

"You've been fucking around with each other, yes," I chuckled. "He mentioned that."

"Whoa, hey, I have never shoved my dick inside the Major," Peter blanched, looking at me with blind panic. "And _that_ Captain has never seen the inside of _this_ Captain."

"Pete, it's okay."

"No, Bean, Jasper and I _do not_ fuck around," he gave a little shake of his head, as if trying to erase that image. "We are so not into that shit."

"You've never touched Jasper in a sexual way?" I asked, knowing full well what the answer to that question was. Jasper has lost me early on in his description of coven dynamics when he casually mentioned that he'd once sucked Peter's cock. It was funny how he'd done it, almost like he was hoping I wouldn't notice. 'So, Bella, vampires in a coven are very close with each other. Not close like family, it's more of a romantic type of love. You don't have to participate if you don't want to. Just say the word and we'll – oh, yeah, one time I sucked Peter's cock – leave and you don't have to engage in anything.'

"Well…one time, I...Jasper blew me once. Once!"

"Still counts," I giggled. The mental image of manly, badass, takes-shit-from-no-one Jasper on his knees pleasuring his best friend had made me confused and angry at first. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to see it. "Why'd you do it?"

_Maybe I can get them to do it again!_

"Char wanted to watch," he grumbled. If I didn't know better, I'd have sworn he blushed a little. "And what Char wants, Char gets."

"Man, you are _so_ whipped, Hot Stuff."

"Yeah," he sighed, smiling with a faraway look in his eyes.

"Well, I want to watch, too," I told him matter-of-factly. "So prepare yourself for the wonders of Jasper Whitlock's tongue."

Peter shot me a sideways look that was definitely irritation this time. I just grinned sassily at him and ruffled his hair. Once again, the window rolled down with a faint hum and Peter leaned fully out of it. I decided I would stop touching him then; poor guy was used to indulging himself and here I was, a warm buffet, that was entirely off limits. I wasn't stupid – I knew Peter would kill me if I pushed it, no matter how important I was to Jasper. Thirst was a greater instinct than loyalty.

"Hey, Peter?" I whispered, a little bit shaky now that I'd come to that realization. "Do you need to pull over?"

He swallowed hard and adjusted his death grip on the steering wheel. The corner of his mouth twitched. I felt a thrill of fear run through me as he turned deep burgundy eyes toward me and stared for a full minute. His eyes grew sad and he pulled onto the shoulder of the road and practically flew out of the truck.

"Sorry, Bean," he said in a gravelly voice. He massaged his throat and I thought for a split second that I might let him eat me, if he was in pain. That thought was followed closely by, _what the fuck is wrong with me?_

"Charlotte's gonna kick your ass to Canada if you eat me, Pete," I said lightly, but it was faked. Peter's cell phone rang in the truck, but he made no move to come back for it. I picked it up and looked at him – I received a curt nod, so I answered. "Peter's busy at the moment."

"Bella," Alice's lyrical voice greeted me. "Could you please explain to Peter that if he eats you, Jasper is going to kill himself? Thanks, hon."

I looked at Peter, whose jaw was working madly as he swallowed and kicked some stones with the toe of his black cowboy boots. He looked up at me and nodded once, then went back to kicking stones.

"He heard you," I told Alice. "Any advice?"

"Talk to him about something mundane," she said. "How about you ask him about his visit?"

His visit. I never thought of it that way, but Peter and Charlotte didn't live with us. They were nomads and never stayed anywhere long. A few months at the maximum.

"Hey, Hot Stuff, how long are you and Char staying?" I asked him, leaning my head out of the truck to catch his answer. If he was able.

"We ain't leavin'," he choked out, his accent heavier than usual. It seemed the vampire part of him remained true to himself more than he did. Both Jasper and Peter tried to cover their accents, but I loved them. My southern cowboys. "You, me, Char, and Jasper…we're a family now."

"Pete," I said softly, touched by his words. "Do you mean it?"

"Yeah."

I struggled to get my fat ass out of the car, then stormed right over to him with Alice's voice shrieking from the cellphone. I threw my weak human arms around him and hugged him with all of my might. His arms of steel clamped around my body and held me painfully tight to his chest. He took long gulps of air with his face pressed into my neck, growling a little.

"I love you, Bean," he gasped, ghosting his lips over my throat. I was starting to hyperventilate. Peter was going to kill me, wasn't he? I was going to die! "I love you! Damn it! Fuck this shit, Bean…wait here."

He released me and disappeared into the growing darkness. He reappeared eleven minutes later, ruby-eyed and grinning.

"Sorry I almost killed you," he said conversationally. "Didn't mean to be so long in the car."

"No harm done." Peter then picked me like a feather pillow and planted me on his lap while he sat on the edge of the Avalanche's tailgate. "Pete, this is all very backwoods of us."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, blonde guy with no sleeves on his t-shirt driving a pick-up with a pregnant teenager sitting on the tailgate."

"Huh," he said. "It is. Well, you'll fit right in with the Whitlocks, then. We're a family of backwoods people."

"You and Char have dirty redneck sex?"

"I will not validate that question by giving it an answer," he said jokingly. His face grew serious – Peter was a little bi-polar, I thought. He was up and down, left and right, eat her or love her. We were rarely on the same page. "Jellybean, you know I would never forgive myself if I hurt you."

"Whoa, Pete, breaking out my full name? Now I feel like I'm in trouble," I joked. He stared at me, waiting for me to catch on that he was _not_ joking. "I know. We're family now. Even though I don't know anything about you aside from some of what Jasper told me, I feel like you are one of the most important people in my life."

"You are the most important person in my life," he grinned. "However, Char takes the cake on 'most important vampire'."

And we were back on 'happy'.

"Let's go home."

"Yeah."

Peter even let me ride in the back of the pick-up on the way home. I figured this wasn't so much as a 'let' as it was a 'make' because if I was in the back, Peter didn't have to smell me. It was fun because the wind blew my hair around and made my eyes water. But everything was a blur of colours and smells.

I thought I might enjoy being a vampire.


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Warning, Jasper is a stupid piece of shit in this chapter. Prepare to hate him a little.

* * *

BELLA POV

Jasper was waiting for me when I returned. Peter rolled to a stop in the Cullen's driveway and I leapt from the Avalanche as best as my belly would allow. As I raced toward his tightly coiled form dominating the doorway, I realized he was looking past me. His face held an expression of pure rage, one I could only assume had graced his face moments before his descent into the hands of the Major. He was looking at Peter.

"Alice told me what you did," he growled at his brother. His face was pure violence.

I stopped in my tracks, nervous, because this was the first time I had ever felt scared of Jasper in a way that reeked of destruction and pain. He'd made me scared before in the bathroom, but only because he'd invaded my space without my permission. I had been scared then because I felt powerless. Now I was scared because I _was_ powerless. Nothing I did could stand in the way of Jasper now. Peter stopped behind me, resting a hand on my shoulder.

"Remove your hand before I do," Jasper said lowly. His voice trembled – not with emotion, but with barely constrained fury. Peter's hand slipped from my shoulder and he stepped to the right for good measure. Jasper started toward him at an inhuman pace, but I sidestepped directly in front of Peter and held my arms out as if I could somehow grab my mate if he lunged for his brother. "Bella. Step aside."

"No."

The look on Jasper's face was priceless. I could almost hear it in his head. No? _No?_ His face became stony and he waved a hand at me dismissively. My jaw dropped and I could see Peter making a frantic finger-drawn-across-the-neck movement in an effort to convey to Jasper that this may not be his wisest choice.

"Bella, this is not your concern. Step aside and do as you are told," he ordered. I crossed my arms and stuck out my hip sassily. No _way_ was he going to talk to me like that. I pressed my lips together in an effort to supress what I was sure would be Jasper's first verbal ass-kicking ever. "You are my mate. You will do as I say. Do you understand me? You will _obey_."

That's it.

I smacked him in his pretty little face so hard, I felt the vibration in my shoulder. I did my absolute best not to show the fact that my whole right arm now stung like a motherfucker and shoved my index finger into his flawlessly sculpted chest. I jabbed him several times there and gave him my best shut-up-and-listen glare.

"Pay attention, soldier, because you are about to take your first lesson in the class entitled Bella Doesn't Care That You're A Man. I don't know what Texas was like back in the day, old man, but here in 2012, we treat women as what they are – equal citizens. I don't have to take your crap because I can do whatever I want. You think you own me because I'm your mate? Guess what? I am not some sort of feral creature who will allow herself to be dominated. Mating is a two way street, buttercup, and if you can't deal with that, break out the duct tape. You will not be touching this piece of ass until you can control your caveman ways. I will not allow you to treat me like Phil did. If you thought that's how this relationship would work, I apologize for the wake-up call. I also apologize for saying that, because I'm not sorry at all. I have no intentions of bowing down to you. In fact, I can have my bags packed in ten minutes and I won't look back for even a second. You think being mated means we can't be apart? I'm not a vampire, Jasper, so your little attachment issue? It's yours. I can leave anytime I want and not give a single fuck about it. I will not hesitate to let you wallow in misery for eternity if it means I can live a life free of controlling assholes like you and Phil. Understand?"

Jasper was very quiet, but his face had not changed. He was still looking down at me with a steely expression, his eyes blank with silent rage. After several seconds of staring up at him and receiving no acknowledgement that I'd even spoken, I snapped and shoved him hard enough to make him take a step back to avoid falling on his ass. Peter touched my hand – probably hoping to calm me down – but I shoved him away, too, and stormed toward the house with one more look into Jasper's blackened eyes.

I slammed the door for good measure.

Alice caught me halfway through stuffing my few items of clothing into a duffle bag I'd stolen from Jasper. I was snatching my toothbrush from the bathroom when I emerged to find her sitting like a genie in the center of my bed. I threw my toothbrush furiously into the bag and grabbed two handfuls of my hair in irritation.

"How could he say that to me? How could he be so terrible? After everything I've told him, he just thinks he can – can squash my free will? Is that why he chose me, Alice? Because of what Phil did – because I'm already halfway to mindless submission to the male gender?" I was venting my rage to my sister, but it was quickly becoming panic. "You can have him back, Alice, I don't want him. I have to get away before he – before he takes this any further."

She said nothing, just allowed me to talk and talk until I was barely making sense to myself. She just sat on the bed, legs crossed, hands on her knees. She looked at me calmly, unblinking.

"Every man I meet turns out the same, Alice. Give him long enough and he'll eventually try to stamp the life right out of you. What if that's just how it is? What if women are just supposed to do what they're told? Am I broken? Is that why I think I should have a choice? I wasn't always like this, you know. I used to be just like they wanted…I cooked, I cleaned, I serviced, I knew enough to remove my clothes the second I walked through the door…what happened to me, Alice? Why am I so… disobedient now?"

I sank to the floor, shaking from head to toe. I lay on my side and curled my hands up to my chest. When I started to sob, Alice slipped from the bed and came to sit at my head. She brushed tears away and ran her fingers through my hair rhythmically. I continued to tremble.

"I shouldn't have yelled," I sobbed. Alice cupped my cheek. "I should have moved."

"No," Alice finally spoke, stroking my face. "You don't have to do what he says."

"He's going to be furious," I quivered, scooting closer to Alice. "Is he going to come up here?"

Alice nodded. My shaking was beginning to subside and my mind was taking over. I sat up straight and brushed my tear-dampened bangs from my face. Roughly scrubbing away my tears with my sleeve, I cleared my throat and looked to Alice.

"You should go," I told her. She didn't move. "When is he coming?"

"Five minutes."

"Alice, go!" I pled with her, giving her a little push. She was so small…and I didn't want her to see this. Alice was the one person who seemed to think I was worth everything. I didn't want her to see me stripped of all dignity. I knew what happened when you stood up for what you thought you deserved. I'd given Phil a shaky threat to call the police once and I'd wound up with wire ties around my wrists and ankles, kneeling before him on the floor while he shoved his dick so far down my throat I couldn't breathe.

"Bella, I am not leaving you with him in this state," she said firmly. I closed my eyes and searched my head for a way to make her leave.

"Alice, do you have any desire to see me doing things that would give you nightmares if you slept?"

"Nothing will happen."

"It will. Whether you are here or not. If you don't want to see the man you called a husband for fifty years, I don't know, shoving his dick up my ass or something…you should go now."

Alice's fists clenched and she had to move herself away to avoid crushing my head accidentally. I reached out and touched her knee. She sank to the ground and lay on her side in front of me, my pregnant belly cocooned between us.

"Jasper is a good man," she said softly. "He won't lay a hand on you if you say so."

"They all do, given the right motivation," I told her. She looked away. "Alice, Phil Dwyer was the perfect step-father for eight years. He coached my little league team. He took mom and I to Hawaii for March break. He made up a song to tuck me in at night when I was seven. He made me smiley face pancakes on my birthday every year. One day, he catches me snooping for Christmas presents and he rapes me as punishment. Good men are just good actors."

A throat cleared by the door and I looked up to see Jasper standing there, Peter hovering a few inches behind him.

Jasper entered the room and Alice and I sat up simultaneously. As my mate stood before me – arms crossed, looking down with a sombre expression – I drew myself up to my knees. I unbuckled his belt with shaking hands, horrified that both Alice and Peter would witness this. Before I reached the button of his Wranglers, his hands encircled my wrists. He placed them at my sides and slowly buckled his belt back up. Then he did something that absolutely amazed me.

He bent one leg and then the other, kneeling in front of me just like I was to him.

"I love you," he whispered before wrapping his arms around my shoulders and embracing me gently. He breathed in deeply with his face buried in my hair. "I will never, ever force you to do anything. I will never order you to do something again. It was a mistake and I'm sorry."

I quaked in his arms, not sure how to take this declaration of remorse. I looked up at him and a tidal wave of emotions washed over me. Guilt, horror, self-disgust, shame…love so strong it made my chest ache. _His feelings_. I bit my lip and considered this for a moment. Jasper _loved_ me. He didn't just feel the unnatural pull of vampire mates, he actually loved me with his whole being. Without me, he was a shell. I looked up at him and smiled; this made me a little more hopeful. If he couldn't survive without me, surely that meant he would treat me like a life source. Like gold.

"Jasper," I whispered. He seemed to understand.

He bent his head down to mine and met my lips in a kiss. I was startled to realize that this was our first – we'd been 'together' a week already, but we'd moved straight to the cock sucking and whatnot. He sucked my lower lip between his and tugged with his teeth gently before deepening the kiss and holding my head in his hands. It was slow and emotive, with no sexual undertones at all. We were just two people in love. It thrilled me.

He pulled back with a smile on his face when I gasped for breath. "That's how it should have started."

I agreed.

"I'm going to do this right, Bean," he said seriously. "We heard what you said to Alice about thinking you were meant to be subservient. I'm going to show you how it's supposed to be. We are going to date. We're going to do it properly. I'll show you how we treated women in 1862. We treated them like precious gems, Bella, because that's what you are. You are the most precious thing to me, ever."

"I'm knocked up with another man's child out of wedlock, Jasper. 1862 would have stoned me or something."

"Don't ruin the moment, sugar," Peter stage whispered. He'd been standing guard two steps behind Jasper, ready to throw himself under the proverbial bus should his brother move to hurt me. The love I felt for him in that moment, when I realized he was protecting me because he wanted to and not because I was Jasper's mate, was all-consuming. I was very nearly moved to tears and it must have shown on my face because he stepped forward and crushed Jasper and I in a hug. I was in the middle of breathing in Peter's more and more familiar pine smell when I opened an eye to see Jasper looking down at me encouragingly.

I quirked and eyebrow at him; I had never been more positive that he didn't know what was going on inside me right now. If he did, he certainly wouldn't be looking at me like that. But then he stepped out of our embrace and nodded once in Peter's direction. My jaw dropped – _seriously?_

I looked back at Peter, who was decidedly having a nervous cowboy moment. He was rubbing the back of his neck, shuffling his boots on the floor, and looking down bashfully. I prodded his shoulder and gave him a questioning look. If he could've blushed, I knew he would be.

"I don't know…how to…" he trailed off and shuffled his feet a little more. "I've never asked a girl on a date before."

"Char is not a girl?"

"Well, Char and I sort of…jumped in dick first," he muttered. He looked a little bit flighty, so I patted his arm and made a 'there, there' sound.

"Who are you planning to ask out, Hot Stuff?" I asked. "Personally, I think you should probably stick to Char so she doesn't burn your other ass cheek off, but that's just me."

"Well, you," he blurted out unceremoniously. "Will you go on a date with me?"

I looked back at Jasper, who nodded and said nothing – all very unhelpful.

"Sure," I said slowly. Jasper smiled. "Why?"

"We're a coven now, Bean. That means we're all going to take you out, get to know you, fall in love with you," Peter shuffled again and rubbed the back of his neck. "So I want to take you to dinner."

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea," I said cautiously. Peter barked out a laugh and shook his head.

"Take you out to get you some dinner, Bean," he chuckled. "There will be no appetizers, main course, or dessert for me."

"Oh," I said, relieved. It was silly of me to think that Peter wanted to take me hunting with him, now that I thought about it. If they loved me so much, no one would be putting me in danger like that. "I'd love to, Peter."

"Tonight?"

"Whenever you'd like."

He grinned like a kid on Christmas and darted over to me to steal a fast, closed-mouth kiss before scooting out of the room. Jasper's hand landed on my shoulder gently. I turned to face him.

"You just made his day," he told me softly. "Peter has been eager to take you out ever since he met you."

"He has?" I'd thought Peter had quite an aversion to me at first, what with the hard stares and silent treatment. Besides, Jasper and I hadn't known we were mates before a few weeks ago. Why was Peter so interested in me?

"Oh, yes. Char tells me he's been chomping at the bit to start treating you like a princess. She says he knew you'd be special to us the moment he saw your face – and your, you know, soul."

That explained the shy, dreamy look on his face the first time he'd walked into the Cullen living room and seen me sprawled out in my sweats on the couch. He'd positively trembled with excitement when I introduced myself and held out my hand to shake his.

"Right, 'cause he 'knows shit'."

"No, because he understood the pull to you before I did," Jasper smiled, tugging on my hair. "I was in denial, Bella. I thought I could never love you like this because you were a daughter to me. I made myself sick with the thoughts I had of making love to you. But now I know. You were made for me and I was made for you."

"That's cheesy," I giggled. I couldn't remember a time that I wasn't at least mildly attracted to him, but I did remember the feeling that went with knowing I could never have him. So I pressed my lips to his firmly and buried my hands deep in his golden curls. "Jazz, you are the shit. I love you so much. I'm sorry I told you I would leave. I can't leave. You are everything to me. I'd probably die if I had to be away from you."

He gave me his adorable cowboy grin and kissed my forehead.

"You're not too bad yourself, darlin'," I received a gentle ass squeeze – I was quite sure his plan of 'courting me' was going to fly out the window pretty quickly. It had been about five hours since I'd pried my hands away from his Captain and he was already groping me like a randy teenager. "In fact, you are Mrs. The Shit. We're awesome."

"Mr. and Mrs. The Shit," I giggled, wrapping my arms around his body. I was so happy I could burst. "Sometimes I feel five inside. I love feeling five inside."

Jasper just gave me a blissed-out look. His eyes were droopy and his smile was slow and lazy. He was the picture of a heavily toasted college student. Except he smelled good.

"Jasper, are you high?"

"What?" he asked dreamily. I giggled again and he made a slow chuckling sound.

"You are totally toasted on emotions right now!"

Emmett stuck his head in the door.

"He's an empath whose mate is truly happy, Bella Bean – of course he's going to get high on emotions!"

I stared back at Jasper, who was now spreading out on my bed and – was he going to _sleep_?

"Jazz, baby, what are you doing?"

"Come cuddle with me," he said blissfully, closing his eyes. I wandered over and snuggled into his side. We curled up together and fell asleep – well, I fell asleep and Jasper remained high on happiness for the next two hours.

I awoke to Alice knocking on the door and informing me it was time to get ready for my date.


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Hey, guys. Some people are concerned about Bella sleeping with Peter and Jasper sleeping with Charlotte. Remember - this story is Bella/Jasper! While all four will be very close and open with each other, there will be no actual adultery in this story! There will be kissing, some potential making out, but that is all.

Now, before you all point out that kissing _does_ constitute adultery...on with the story!

* * *

BELLA POV

An hour after the interruption of my very peaceful nap in Jasper's arms, Alice had me looking like a very pregnant superstar. She'd done my hair in perfect curls and piled them on top of my head. It had the smoothness of professional hairstyling mixed with the casualness of not looking like I was going to a wedding. It looked perfect. She'd done my makeup, but gone easy on the amount used – I didn't normally wear makeup at all. Then she'd stuffed me into a beautiful bright orange sundress and some strappy tan sandals without heels. I had to admit, I looked the picture of a pretty, free-spirited mother-to-be.

"Alice," I said emotionally. "Thanks."

"It's my pleasure, Bella. Besides, I want you to look perfect for your first ever date!"

"Is it weird that I'm going out with Peter before Jasper?" I asked. This had been bothering me for the last hour. Wasn't there some sort of protocol here? Some rulebook that stated the right of the first date went to the mate before a member of the coven?

"Bella, you've sucked Jasper's dick. I think he's willing to let Peter take you to dinner first," she teased, pinching my cheek. The innocent gesture coupled with her casual mention of oral sex threw me a bit. I blushed eleventy billion shades of red. "Oh, stop that! We can all hear you. And I can _see_ you."

Oh, God.

"Oh, God," I whispered. "You can hear everything! The time I went all dominatrix on him! The time he cried after I made him come with my mouth for the first time! The time I begged him to tie me up…oh, my God, Alice!"

"Oh, please, you guys are tame! You should hear Emmett and Rose getting it on. That girl owns a whip."

The mental image of Rose whipping the massive and manly Emmett confused and amused me in a strange way, so I settled for a nervous giggle.

"And sometimes, when Jasper is getting particularly project-y with the lust, Carlisle has been known to swear a little – he once to Esme to 'take it harder, bitch'," she shook her head with a smirk. "_That_ was a weird one for everyone. Especially when we noticed she liked it."

"Alice, let's not talk about boys anymore," I said hurriedly. "I think this sex stuff is a topic better left alone for you and I."

She pouted cutely and looked away, but I could see the hurt in the set of her tiny shoulders.

"Alice? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, Bella," she sighed sadly. "I knew it was going to be weird for us when Jasper told you. I just didn't know Peter and Charlotte would show up and everything would be different."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, obviously you're a little freaked out that Jasper and I were married for several decades. I just thought we would work through that and we'd be best friends again," she admitted. Her golden eyes glistened with venomous tears that would never fall. "But now Charlotte is here and _she's_ your best friend."

"Oh, Alice," I murmured, waddling over to her and hugging her tightly. "We will always be friends. I won't tell you that your history with Jasper doesn't bother me a little bit, but I know you stepped back when you realized what we were to each other. I love you, honey. Char is my best friend, but you are a sister to me."

Alice clutched me tightly and swung me around twice before setting me back down. She was smiling with blinding happiness and she kissed my cheeks. She bit her lip and whispered, "Sisters."

With that, we took each other's hands and walked downstairs to meet Peter. As we reached the bottom stair, the doorbell rang and Jasper raced forwards to answer it. On the other side stood Peter, dressed in khaki pants and a white button down shirt holding a bouquet of orange poppies. His hair was brushed back from his face and styled _neatly_ – which was the biggest surprise of all – atop his head.

I melted when he smiled eagerly at me.

"Hi," I said shyly. It seemed my intense crush on Peter had returned tenfold. His eyes glimmered happily and he held out the poppies to me. I took them bashfully and smelled them. "Did you know that poppies symbolize beauty, consolation, and eternal life?"

"Yes," he said simply. He'd intended that message to reach me – he loved me, he was angry that I'd been hurt, and he wanted me in his life forever.

"Thank you, Peter," I glowed, clutching the poppies. Alice reached for them, prying the flowers from my hands. "They're beautiful."

"I'll get you a vase for them, Bella," she said. "I'll put them in your room."

I nodded and smelled them one more time before finally handing them over. Jasper was hovering off to the side, arms crossed with a stern look on his face.

"You'll be back by eleven," he said seriously, looking at Peter. "No reckless driving, no grand theft auto, and no snacking on humans. If either of you needs anything, call my cell and I'll be there in five minutes. Also, absolutely no sex is to be had in the backseat of any vehicles."

I flushed and Peter shuffled his feet in true cowboy fashion.

"Yes, sir," Peter said politely. He held out his arm, which I took. I was faintly aware of Esme snapping a picture, at which I blushed furiously. Peter led me from the house. We reached his car – an almost certainly stolen Austin-Healey 3000 Gibraltar. I knew this because Jasper had an affinity for classic cars and never shut up about them. Peter opened my door and held my hand while I got in, shutting the door gently once I was buckled safely.

I took the twenty seconds it took for him to walk around the front of the car, open his door and get in to admire how perfect this date was already. He'd put a lot of effort forward. The flowers, the nice car, the chivalry…the apparent brushing of his hair. I knew it was only going to get better. Peter was like that; good right away, but even better as time passed by. He was like a fine wine, albeit a fine wine with a crude sense of humour and a fear of hairbrushes.

"Where are we going?" I hadn't left the Cullen house in nearly six months, what with recuperating from a gang rape and birthing vampire children. I was excited to have an outing. But Peter just smiled at me and took my hand in his. I noticed the way he had both windows cracked just an inch. I rubbed my thumb on the back of his hand to indicate that I was impressed with his control tonight.

"We're going for dinner first, then we're going to go somewhere special," he said finally. My interest piqued – somewhere special? I had no doubt that Peter and I would be bonding more closely tonight and his desire to take me somewhere special to him was confirmation of that. I smiled and kissed our joined hands.

"That sounds like fun, Peter."

I found out quickly that talking to Peter was easy. Easier than talking to Alice or Char or even Jasper. Words tumbled out of my mouth and none of them were sad or self-deprecating. Peter had seen inside of me anyways, so there was nothing to hide from him. I talked about my family trip to Hawaii one March Break. I told him about sleepovers at Cindy's when I was little. I giggled alongside him when I told him about the time my mom had decided to take up yoga and went to her first class decked out in her '80s workout gear.

In turn, he told me about escaping the Southern Wars with Char and settling down temporarily in the first place they stopped – Morgantown, West Virginia. He talked about going back for Jasper and how the three of them became closer than any other family he knew of. He told a particularly funny story about a woman in Vegas Char had flipped her shit on for asking him to sign her boobs. Apparently Peter was regularly mistaken for Alexander Skarsgard.

When we reached the restaurant a half hour into our drive, Peter scooted around the front of the car and opened my door just as I unbuckled and reach for the handle. He looked down at me with muddy brown eyes dulled by his contacts. It occurred suddenly to me that Peter's startlingly red eyes would probably scare the other patrons and staff. It was a pity; Peter's eyes were expressive and hauntingly beautiful.

We walked to the door hand-in-hand and he held it open for me with his free hand. We met the hostess at a small desk, who smiled welcomingly and said 'Welcome to Forste', which I assumed was the name of the restaurant. She guided us to a table for two beside a window that overlooked a rocky beach. We were on the right side of the restaurant to avoid the glare of a five o'clock sun. The view was amazing, which I knew to be by design. No vampire ever did anything halfway.

I perused the menu while Peter watched me intently, occasionally asking a question here and there. Most of them were about food, which Peter was fascinated with. Most vampires (meaning the Cullens, all I knew) thought of eating as something rather irritating. It took up a lot of my day and made long sessions of anything difficult. Peter, however, was clearly living vicariously. He asked me what pizza was like, if I had ever tried crocodile, and if he was missing out on chocolate. I felt for him – Peter had missed a great era of food. No pizza, no chocolate, no soft drinks…

I eventually settled on roast pork with crackling served with caramelized potatoes and a side of cucumber salad. Peter explained the odd choices of food by telling me it was a Danish restaurant. He looked nervous when I joked that this was the first place I'd been to without a Burger section on the menu and asked if burgers were my favourite food.

"No, Peter, I just rarely get the opportunity to try food from other places. This is great," I assured him. Still, he asked the waitress if they had something called a 'burger' when she checked up on us. She scowled at him and stalked away, which I took to mean she was insulted. He looked confused.

"Was that a rude question?" he asked hesitantly. I giggled into my glass of lemon water and shook my head.

"No, but I think she was insulted that you thought a Danish restaurant would have something so very American," I explained. He was still confused. "Her accent, Peter. She is clearly from Denmark. I wouldn't be surprised if she misses it dearly and takes personal offense when someone insults her food – and by extension, her heritage."

He still looked troubled and apologized profusely when the waitress came back to set down my meal more forcefully than necessary. She pursed her lips at him and muttered something in a foreign language before smiling and patting his arm.

"Good boy," I teased. He fixed me with an exasperated stare. "You're not allowed to offend the humans, Peter. They will spit in my food."

"They _wouldn't_," he sounded positively scandalized. I laughed and dug into my meal. He was just so easy to fool when it came to the actions of humans that I couldn't resist. "That's disgusting. Is it good?"

It was, as a matter of fact. The Danes were clearly excellent chefs and the pork was roasted to perfection. I had never had caramelized potatoes before, but they were definitely up there on my list of favourite foods now. As for the cucumber salad, it was tangy and crispy; just the right contrast to my sweet pork and heavenly potatoes. I found myself looking forward to dessert.

"It's fantastic," I told him. He beamed. "I happen to love caramelized potatoes. As a matter of fact, I am thrilled to be eating this for my last dinner."

The beaming stopped.

"Peter," I took his hand. He was frowning, concentrating very hard on the emerald green table cloth. My remark had upset him and I realized why, instantly feeling bad. "You know that I have asked Jasper to change me, right?"

He gaze flicked up to mine, searching for deception. When he found none, he leaned across the table and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. He pulled back with a smile.

"When Jasper told you about being mates, you said you wanted him to change you. I thought…I thought you may have been caught up in the moment," he admitted. His voice was low so no one would hear, but also because he was being very serious. "But you've considered your options? You've decided on eternal life?"

"I've had an admittedly short time to think about it, but I have decided to be changed. There is much more for me to lose than I realized," I told him, giving him a meaningful look. He and Char were a couple of those things now. "I never thanked you for intervening, Peter. You helped bring me out of a low point in my life. For a long time, I thought I was disgusting and worthless. You were the first person to ever understand the way I saw myself. You were also the first person to see what I needed in order to change that. So, really, thank you."

"You are a princess, Bean," he sighed, still holding my hand. "Now you are my princess. I love you."

It was the first time he'd said it and it made my heart swell. _Peter loves me_.

"I love you."

He ducked his head to cover a colossal grin, but I saw it anyway. It was nice to know that I could make Peter happy so easily.

"I highly recommend the strawberry pie," Peter said, changing the topic to something lighter. "It is exquisite."

I quirked an eyebrow.

"So I hear," he said delicately. "Strawberry pie is a Danish summer favourite. This restaurant's website has quite a comment section dedicated to the pie alone."

"Well, I'd better have a piece!" I declared, even though I thought I might burst. Eating for two was all well and good, but this baby was squashing my food space. However, this pie sounded like it deserved a little investigating.

When the waitress brought my pie, it was topped with a bit of vanilla cream and the crust was sprinkled with large bits of sugar. It smelled heavenly. I took a bite and moaned a little, at which point Peter's interest in the pie ceased and his interest in me spiked.

"This is the best pie I've ever had in my whole entire life," I announced, scooping another large bite. Peter was watching me intently. "What?"

"You've got a little whipped cream on your nose," he said with a grin, swiping it off with his thumb. "You are positively adorable, you know."

"I do know," I told him. Emmett told me every day that I was cute, adorable, or sweet. I'd started to agree with him. I had a sprinkling of freckles on my nose, huge eyes, and a tiny frame. I was cute, I decided. "And you, dear Hot Stuff, look deliciously put together tonight, if I do say so myself. Did you comb your hair?"

He scowled.

"Char did. She said I couldn't take a lady out to dinner lookin' like a ragamuffin," he complained, sounding much more like the Peter I knew and loved. "It's very…flat."

Peter's hair was normally quite out of control. Not messy like Edward's, but sort of…windblown. Like he'd just gotten off of a horse and taken his hat off. It was carefree and a little hot, to be honest. I reached over the table and ran my fingers through his hair, shaking it out and messing it back up to its usual appearance. When I was satisfied, I sat back down and smiled.

"Much better," I told him. "I'll take you anyway you show up, but I like you this way best."

"Bella, are you done that pie?" I couldn't eat another bite. I nodded. "Then let's get out of here."

"Why?"

"I can't do what I'd like to do with you while we're in this restaurant," he said with a wicked grin. I grabbed my loosely crocheted cardigan and was waltzing toward the door by the time he flopped some money on the table and chased after me.

He opened my door and buckled me in again. I watched his profile as he drove toward this 'special place' he had told me about. He drove with much more enthusiasm now that we'd decided sitting in a restaurant and talking about Danish waitresses was nice, but not enough.

Looking at the excited look on Peter's face was enough to make me exhilarated by the ride, too. I gripped his hand in mine across the console. After a few moments, I decided that Peter's driving was more than living up to Jasper's ridiculously high standards, so I flipped up the console and unbuckled to slide across the seat and tuck into Peter's side. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders tentatively.

"Is this okay?" I asked. He looked down at me with brown eyes that I hated. Slowly, I reached up and poked the brown contact over his iris. He didn't blink, didn't even flinch when I went for the other one. That was a little bit freaky, but I rolled with it. Vampires were a fact of life now, as were their odd idiosyncrasies. "Better."

"You like my eyes?" he asked incredulously. I nodded and cupped his cheek.

"You have fantastic eyes, Peter," I told him. "They go on for miles and I like how I see myself in them."

He stared down at me, crimson eyes wide. We pulled to a stop on the shoulder of a deserted road and he helped me out. He scooped me up and leapt down the side of the rocky cliff, setting me down on a rock ledge that stuck out about seven feet. We were a hundred feet in the air on a rocky precipice that overlooked the water. As I looked out into the shimmering water, I realized what we were doing.

Peter had brought me here to watch the sun set.

"Peter," I whimpered. He looked down at me with those big red eyes and I turned to goo inside. "Peter, bend down."

He did and I kissed him hard. He kissed me back. It was like my whole body wanted to just melt into his and never come back out. So we kissed and whispered and held onto each other on a rocky ledge overlooking the ocean at sunset.

My first date had been a success.

AN: For the purposes of this story, pretend that Forks, WA is directly beside an ocean, okay? Also, my mention of Peter looking like Alexander Skarsgard has nothing to do with him being on Vampire Diaries or whatever vampire show he's on. I saw a photo of him in this month's Cineplex magazine in an article about his movie _Battleship_ and thought, "fuck, this is Peter!" I'd never heard of him before this, but I feel like I'm missing out now. He's positively fuck-hot.


	26. Chapter 26

AN: Hey, little darlin's. (There's your dose of Charlacy's Pathetic Southern Comfort Culture-Defacers for the day.) Just wanted to let everyone know that the main issue here (Bella is accepting the Cullen's abuse like the pathetic Bella from Twilight) will be remedied in the sequel. Also, all of the other major plot issues will be dealt with then. This story is strictly Bella overcoming her fears and falling in love! Really shit goes down in Numero 2. Thanks, y'all. (Oooh, there's another!)

* * *

BELLA POV

Peter walked me to the door after helping me out of his very nice vintage stolen car and stopped me on the front steps. He smiled down at me sheepishly and the kissed me gently, holding my head in his hands. I sighed and leaned into him because, to be totally honest, Peter was a fantastic kisser. Just then, the lights started to flip on and off madly and he pulled away with a chuckle.

"I had a great night, Bella," he whispered. I could tell he was trying to block the others from our personal moment, so I whispered, too.

"Me, too, Peter," I said quietly. He grinned down at me and we hugged like there was no tomorrow. Peter gave great hugs – he hugged with his whole body, enveloped every part of me, and lifted me off my feet for a moment. The lights flickered again. "Coming, Jazz."

Peter opened the door for me and guided me inside with his right hand on my back. The door closed behind me and Jasper swept me into his arms while I squealed like a seventeen year old girl who had just had the date of her life – which I was and I had.

"Jasper," I sighed deliriously. "I'm leaving you. For Peter."

He mock frowned at me, but I saw the twinkle in his golden eyes. "Leaving me for my brother, Bella? That's very B-rated movie of you."

"I'm serious, Jasper. He might be _the one_," I joked. Inside, I was still giggling and squealing like crazy. "He took me out for the _best_ dinner ever and then we went and watched the sun set over the ocean…oh, Jasper, it was amazing! And he kisses like a god!"

"That's great, Bean –"

"It was spectacular – he has a tongue like an angel, baby. He was so sweet that I just wanted to shove him down on that rock ledge and sit on his dick!"

"Bella, maybe that's a little too much informa –"

"He's got this thing he does where he bites on my lip and moans a little bit, like he's barely holding it together –"

"Bella!" Jasper shouted, waving a hand in front of my face. "Enough about Peter, Darlin', I feel like a loser."

"Aw, Jasper, you know yours is the only Captain I need," I teased him. My enormous stomach made it difficult to hug him properly, but he bent down and curled around me anyway. "I love you."

"I _am_ the shit." I smiled. Yes, he was – Mr. The Shit. His twinkling eyes dulled a bit and he pulled back. "I don't want to rain on your Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade of a date, Bella, but you know what tomorrow is, right?"

Tomorrow was The Final Due Date. The day where my life as Bella Swan, tortured human child, said finito and my life as Bella Whitlock, Mrs. The Shit began. When Carlisle carved one last baby from my body and changed me into a vampire. I was nervous and relieved at the same time. On one hand, once I was a vampire, I would be untouchable. No one would ever be able to hurt me again. On the other, it meant spending a full year away from the babies I had birthed, considering I would be a bloodthirsty monster for twelve months after the change. I wasn't so sure I could handle being away from Sophie for so long. I'd only just started to accept that I might be as important to her as she was to me and I was unwilling to let that go just yet. Didn't most mothers have eighteen years to prepare for this?

Jasper had guided me to the kitchen and set down a mug of tea before me. I was struck once again by how well he knew me – the moment anything happened to me, Jasper had the solution. I started to panic, he plopped a mug of English breakfast tea in front of me.

"Remember when Phil and his friends carved their names into my skin?" I asked him. The accompanying growl that rumbled in his chest told me that he did indeed remember. I stared down at the scar protruding from the top of my dress, a sloppily sliced 'Troy'. I rubbed my hand over it and frowned. I didn't want those scars to last forever knowing what they meant. But I did want a different mark on my body. "Where is Charlotte?"

"Reaffirming her bond with Peter." So, fucking him.

"Char, I need you," I said only slightly louder than normal. Less than forty-five seconds later, she was striding through the arched doorway to the kitchen, running a hand through her pin-straight blonde locks to tidy them. She looked impeccable, despite the fact that Peter's cock had been inside of her less than a minute ago.

"Yes, baby," she smiled warmly. Char was there for anything I needed, for which I was grateful. A best friend was something I hadn't had in a long time. We were a two way street, so I knew I'd pay for making her hop off Peter at some point, but I was okay with that. Give and take.

"Will you take me into town?"

So Char and I left the house almost as soon as I had gotten back; my tea was sitting on the table getting cold but being appreciated all the same. As we cruised into town, Char looked at me expectantly.

"I need to go to Eternal Rose Tattooing," I told her confidently. She simply stared at me, uncomprehendingly. "I'm getting a tattoo, Char."

"A tattoo?"

"Yes. Body ink," I clarified, just in case she had never come across one in her hundred and some odd years. She made a face.

"I know what a tattoo is, Bella. Peter and I tried to get them once…wound up eating the tattoo artist when he started asking too many questions about our hard skin," she winked. "It didn't work."

"Will they stay when I change?" I didn't want to go to all this effort only to have it erased tomorrow. I wanted to mark myself forever, write an eternal story into my skin. Charlotte just nodded slowly, still processing my declaration.

"Yes," she said. "A friend of mine was changed in the '80s. He has dozens. They are a little bit sharper than when he was human, however. Will that be a problem?"

"Sharper how?"

"They stand out very starkly on his skin," she explained. "Like they are only weeks old, not tens of years."

"That's fantastic," I declared happily.

"What are you going to get, then?" Char was definitely on board with this idea – her eyes were sparkling excitedly and she was grinning broadly. "This is exciting! Bella is doing something crazy! I like it."

"I'm getting names," I told her. She looked at me curiously. "I have thirteen names carved into my skin right now, all of which will fade with my change. I find it fitting that they will fade with my past while my self-inflicted marks of my family will grow stronger with it."

"That's a good reason," she agreed, taking my hand. "The Cullens will be proud."

"I plan on getting Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Peter, and Charlotte written wherever I feel appropriate. Then I'm getting Whitlock and Cullen, one written on each foot."

Char's hand tightened almost painfully around mine and she shot me a tearful smile.

"Usted es la hermana de mi alma," she declared, stroking my cheek. A vampire's ability to drive and focus entirely on their passenger would always amaze me. Then again, everything about them amazed me.

"Hermana de mi alma," I whispered back to Char. I didn't know what it meant, but I knew that whatever she felt for me mirrored what I felt for her. "I love you, Char. I hope you know that. I love you and Peter both almost as much as I love Jasper."

"I hear you were ready to leave Jasper for Peter tonight," she said in a twinkling tone. She winked at me and I laughed.

"You lucked out, there, Char. Peter's got a very talented tongue."

"You could borrow it sometime, if you want," she told me easily. "Just so long as we can borrow you on occasion."

"Borrow?"

"If you want to sleep with Peter once you've changed, I won't mind. I only ask that I get to borrow you sometimes," she said this conversationally, like she hadn't just offered her mate up like a male hooker to me. "Peter and I are more open to the concept of coven mating than Jasper is."

"Jasper isn't interested?"

"It's not so much that he's not interested as it is that I'm not interested in him and Peter is afraid of gay things."

"Afraid of gay things."

"Well, he refused to let me touch him for a week after Jasper blew him that one time," she said. She gave me a look that was laced with suggestion. "Let me tell you – if you can convince them to do it again, go for it. That's shit was sexy as all hell."

"I'll keep that in mind," I told her. I liked that Char was so easy to talk sex with – Alice was great and all, but she used to sleep with Jasper on a regular basis, which squicked me out a bit. I didn't want to be telling her about something awesome he did and receive an 'oh, yeah, I remember that'. I liked thinking everything Jasper did for me was for me only. "Why do you want to borrow me?"

"You're hot, Bella," she said bluntly. "And we're a mated coven, so I can want whatever I want."

Oh. Char didn't want me for a threesome with Peter, she wanted me for a twosome with _her_. I was surprisingly agreeable to the idea.

"Okay," I decided, figuring that Char was as hot as women got and I loved her anyways, so it wouldn't be weird. Well, it wouldn't be _too_ weird.

"We're here!"

Char and I piled out of the car and raced to the door of the shady looking tattoo parlour. There were lots of neon signs and posters of tattooed girls in bikinis on red or black motorcycles. A big, gruff looking guy who reminded me of Emmett (if Emmett had been tattooed, had a handlebar mustache, and wore leather vests over t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off) stood behind the counter.

"Welcome to Eternal Rose Tattooing," he said with a happy enthusiasm that threw me for a loop. This guy looked massive, scary, and mean, but he sounded like Johnny Fucking Sunshine. "What can I do for you two ladies today?"

"I'd like some tattoos," I told him, feeling like I was sort of stating the obvious. He nodded enthusiastically, grabbing a few binders from the shelf behind his desk. "Oh, I don't need to look at any pictures. I know what I want."

"Okay, sweetcakes," he said in a friendly tone. "Now, let's talk about that belly."

I frowned.

"When are you due?" he asked in a serious tone.

"I'm delivering tomorrow," I told him honestly. "Why?"

"There isn't really any solid proof, but some doctors say that getting a tattoo while pregnant may cause the baby harm that a fully grown adult wouldn't be subject to," he explained to me. "I'll need you to sign a waiver, of course, but you should know the potential side effects. Also, there are things like Hepatitis and HIV that some people worry about, but I use new needles on everyone and all of my equipment is sterilized before each use. You don't have to worry about any of that."

"My baby can withstand anything for a day," I told him with a knowing smile at Charlotte. I knew she wouldn't let me do this if there was to be any potential threat to the baby. "Let's go for it."

In the end, I decided on a commanding, sprawling style of handwriting and chose a place for everyone's names. Emmett's name found a place on the inside of my left forearm and Peter's on the right. Alice's was inked into the hairline of my right temple, barely visible unless I pulled my hair back. Carlisle and Esme found a spot on each of my legs, just above my kneecaps. I had Charlotte written in a cuff around my right bicep. Edward's name came to rest on the inside of my left wrist. Rosalie's name was scrawled down my spine and Jasper's was written in 72 point font in a slight curve that traced the top of my left breast, right over my heart and, secretly, my soul. Cullen and Whitlock both came to rest on my feet just before my toes.

We were there for hours. When we finally finished, Charlotte and I both hugged Mr. Scary Goofy Dude. With that, we payed – Charlotte payed – the big, happy tattoo artist and we trudged more slowly back to the car. When we slid into our seats, Char handed me her cellphone and told me that Jasper had called eleven times and had left one lengthy text message that demanded I inform him of my whereabouts.

I dialed.

"Bella?" A stressed voice answered the phone and I chuckled at how anxious Jasper still got when I was out of his sight for more than an hour. "Bella, are you alright? Where are you? When will you be home?"

"Jazz, you sound like a clingy girlfriend," I teased him. He huffed on the other line and I took pity on him. What can I say, I loved my clingy girlfriend. "Char and I are on our way home from Port Angeles."

"Are you in one piece?"

"One single, unharmed, perfectly adorable piece, my brooding cowboy," I told him. "Now, tell me, have you been worrying yourself sick since I left?"

"No," he said heavily. "For the first two hours I was fine and Peter was not. He isn't happy that Char bounded away in the middle of their little reacquainting party. He's been moping around the living room all hot and bothered for hours, which is making me all hot and bothered. And he smells like you. Fuck, I just want to plow that son of a bitch."

Jasper was getting more and more liberal with his open attraction to Peter around me, which was fine by me because, like Char said, that shit was hot as hell. I heard a muffled cry of indignation and could only assume that Peter was present and unhappy about the 'gay things' that Jasper was mentioning.

"Tell him to grow a pair," I told Jasper. "And if he finally caves, can you wait until I return?"

"Bella!" I heard Peter's voice more clearly this time; he was obviously shouting his displeasure. He had apparently wrestled the phone away from Jasper because I heard him speak directly into the phone. "I am not going to cave! That dick is not putting his anywhere near mine!"

"Whatever you say, Pete," I laughed. I heard a small scuffle.

"Jasper – whoa – what the fuck are you...no, don't!" Peter begged. A few more seconds and I heard him moan reluctantly. "Fucker. Picking on us lesser beings with your empathic abilities. Bella, here's your numbskull of a mate."

"Hey, darlin'," Jasper sounded mighty pleased with himself. "I just made Peter come in his pants without touching him at all."

"You _are_ quite talented," I agreed jokingly. Char rolled her eyes at me with a grin. "I think I might like to test that out someday, Cowboy."

"I'm going to hold you to that someday, darlin'," he sighed with a trace of a moan. "If I'm your cowboy, you'll have to let me ride you."

"Only if you pull my hair," I shot back before hanging up abruptly. Char high-fived me like we were fifteen year old boys.

"You rock, Bean," she said. I just grinned and folded my hands over my very massive belly.

"I know."


	27. Chapter 27

AN: Prepare yourselves – second last chapter! Bella and Jasper are finally together, she's content with who she is, and she's about to have a very serious talk with Carlisle.

BELLA POV

"What are those?" Jasper demanded in a commanding voice that left no doubt that he would tear Charlotte to shreds if she had anything to do with the bandages I had in various places on my body. He had pulled himself up to his full height – he usually attempted to stand casually in order to rein in his domineering presence, which meant he slouched sometimes – and was making the Cullen family keep a decent distance away from him. Jasper was much taller than I realized. And dangerous looking, too.

"Calm down, cowboy," I assured him. "This was all me. I got a tattoo. Well, I got eleven tattoos. Holy crap, Char, I got eleven tattoos!"

"Yes, you did," she laughed. "You didn't notice?"

"I wasn't paying attention," I admitted. I'd been preoccupied thinking about how happy I'd been with Jasper last night. He had been positively elated; I swear, he'd nearly reached nirvana at one point, just basking in our combined happiness. I liked seeing him happy. Happy Jasper went hand-in-hand with Cuddly Jasper, whom I loved very much.

"Tattoos," Jasper thundered, looking murderous. For once in my life, I wasn't concerned about what the dominant male in my life thought. I looked at him with steel determination and nodded.

"Yes, eleven. I got everybody's name and I got both of my last names on my feet." Jasper somehow knew not to get angry at that statement, just like he knew he should say something that sounded potentially supportive.

"Where did you get mine?" he asked in a softer tone. I pulled down the left side of my orange sundress and showed him the bandage directly over my heart. "I thought I'd label your home for you."

His eyebrows creased and his mouth was set firmly. I knew better, though; I knew him well enough to understand that he was pleased, more pleased than he thought he should be, and was trying to hide it. I reached out and cocooned my tiny hand inside of his big, calloused one. He tugged me closer.

"And I have Esme and Carlisle's names on my knees because they are the parents whose love helped me get up off of them," I explained. Esme shrank into Carlisle's side, where I was almost sure I could see her trembling with emotion. Carlisle simply looked at me with a sort of understanding that only he and I could truly grasp. He had taken me to Volterra to be prodded by 'scientists', sent me to my personal Hell in my darkest hour, and assisted me on a death mission to bear three vampire children. He had caused me nothing but hurt while I had known him, yet he was vital in my newfound strength. I had walked the path he'd sent me on and found myself much stronger at the end.

"Peter and Emmett are on my arms because they taught that a hug can go a long way," I smiled at my new brothers, not wondering for a second if they loved me like I loved them. Now that I had been lifted from the misconceptions of myself, all learned from Phil, I understood that people saw the same good in me that I saw in them. "Charlotte's name is around my bicep because she showed me that being small doesn't necessarily mean being weak.

"Edward's name is on the inside of my wrist. I learned from him that hurting myself doesn't take away the pain others inflict," I said in as stable a voice as I could manage. Edward met my eyes for the first time in a long time, giving me a look that said very clearly that this was a lesson he was glad I had learned. "Rosalie's name is down my spine, mostly because she taught me how to grow one."

A flash of some dark emotion graced Rosalie's face briefly and I wondered if she thought I wouldn't include her in my list of family members. Other than her momentary slip, her face remained clear. She showed no other signs of acknowledgement that I had spoken to her. I expected nothing less. My relationship with Rosalie was a bridge I would have to design, build, and navigate over time. We would not be fast friends.

"Alice's name is here," I pulled my hair back to show the tiny twist of Alice's name in cursive along the hairline of my temple, unobtrusive and beautiful at the same time. "Alice taught me to trust my logic instead of my instincts. First impressions are not always the right ones, even if it seems there is no other way at the time.

"And I have 'Whitlock' and 'Cullen' written on my left and right feet because they are the families that have carried me down a difficult path to a place I have never felt stronger," I declared. Now that I was finished and everyone had heard my little speech, I felt a bit awkward. Maybe they didn't feel quite as strongly as I did about my long journey to myself. Maybe I hadn't changed them as much as they had changed me. I brushed my temple gently and thought firmly, _First impressions are not always the right ones_.

"That was beautiful," Alice said warmly, the first to find a voice. "I'm proud of you, Bella. You've changed a lot since Jasper kidnapped you. When you arrived, you were an abused little girl who didn't hate her rapist step-father. You learned that what he did to you was evil and inexcusable and you learned that your life is yours. You belong to no one. You have become a strong woman, Bella. You are my sister and I love you."

"Thanks, Alice," I told her. She enveloped me in a pint-sized bear hug, which I returned with the best of my massively pregnant ability. "I love you, too."

When everyone had enjoyed a quiet hug and whisper, which felt suspiciously like a farewell to Bella the Human, they slowly filtered out of the kitchen area. This left me alone with Jasper, Carlisle, and Rosalie.

"Bella, might I have a word with you?" Carlisle asked softly. My gaze flickered first to Jasper, then to Rosalie. I knew that I would not be made to do anything I didn't want to, not with both of them clearly shifting toward me as if to form a wall between Carlisle and I. Jasper's move I expected, Rosalie's I did not. The glint in her eye as she looked at me with a glance told me that it was her morals that placed her between Carlisle and I; Rosalie would allow no man to order a woman around. The newfound feminist in me congratulated her on upholding her beliefs in spite of our differences.

"What about, Carlisle?" I asked him. He hesitated, so I knew immediately that whatever it was would be a private conversation. Jasper would not be allowed.

"Its personal," he said finally. Jasper crossed his arms threateningly. I had no doubt that Carlisle wouldn't last six seconds against Jasper in a fight; none of the Cullens would. The only one who stood a chance was Peter – and that was only because Jasper trained him personally.

I stroked Jasper's tensed bicep soothingly.

"It's okay, Jasper. Carlisle and I are going to go for a drive," I told him. "A very brief drive, since it's nearly one o'clock in the morning and I'll be damned if I don't have a marvelous last night of sleep."

Jasper appeared unhappy that I was choosing to spend my last twenty four hours as a human almost entirely away from him. I'd gone out with Peter, I'd taken off with Charlotte for seven hours to get tattoos, and now I was cruising off with Carlisle in the wee hours of the morning to talk in his car. Poor Jasper would receive only a minimal amount of my last few hours; I planned to lavish him with a fantastic make out session when I returned.

"I love you, baby," I told him softly. The lines around his eyes eased and he leaned down to kiss me quickly.

"Love you, darlin'."

"Call me darlin' one more time and I'm going to tear off your pants," I warned. He smirked and Carlisle shifted uncomfortably. "I'll see you soon."

Carlisle and I wound up driving in his Mercedes, jetting along the road at a cool 90 miles an hour. He looked hesitant to begin our conversation, so I cleared my throat pointedly. I just wanted to get back to Jasper.

"Bella, I have done things I am not proud of in my life," he began. This surprised me – Carlisle was a relatively upstanding citizen. He had never given into his true nature and not once had he attempted to hurt someone for his own pleasure. Yes, he'd caused me unspeakable pain, but he couldn't have known. This didn't stop me from hating him for it. "There is nothing I am less proud of than what I did to you on September 13th. I should never have sent you home. It is no excuse, but the welfare of my family hung in the balance. I was not prepared to make a choice such as the one I was faced with."

"It takes something very familiar to me for a man to sacrifice a child for the sake of his own happiness," I said coldly. "I hope you never known what you sent me back to."

"He wasn't even…happy? To know you were alive?"

"Phil killed my mother, Carlisle. And he touched me against my will for four years. He got me pregnant four times. I lost all of the babies. He allowed his friends to use me as a sex toy," I sighed. Carlisle's grip of the steering wheel was becoming increasingly firm. "He did not care whether I lived or died, so long as I never told a soul what went on inside that house."

"Esme mentioned something," Carlisle said cautiously. "She mentioned that you didn't like Christmas. As a matter of fact, you spent Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day in your room and refused to speak to anyone."

"You want to know why?"

"Yes."

"The first time Phil ever raped me was after he'd caught me snooping for Christmas presents. I have ignored the holiday ever since. Christmas isn't fun for everyone," I said tonelessly. I couldn't get worked up about this right now. I was having a baby tomorrow. I was spending my last hours as a human right now. I just wanted Jasper.

"Bella," Carlisle swore and slammed his fist onto his knee in an uncharacteristically violent gesture. "Damn it, Bella, sometimes your ability to love and forgive simply astounds me. Your compassion knows no bounds. Your understanding is limitless. How…"

He fell silent.

"I want to go –"

"Can you ever forgive me?" he asked pleadingly. I stared at him in surprise. I hadn't expected a plea for mercy. I'd expected excuses and trite bullshit about family.

"No," I told him honestly. "The memory of your face when you told me I was of no use to you anymore is burned into my mind. I can only assume it will grow stronger with my change. Alice says the strong memories stay with us."

"You will never forget," he confirmed in a whisper. He ran a hand over his face. "And I can do nothing to erase my actions."

"You can let me be," I said firmly. "Just let Jasper and I live in peace. Don't attempt to mend this fence, Carlisle, because it is irreparable. I can't hate you if we don't acknowledge each other."

"You and Jasper are going, then," he said with obvious pain. "It's funny, you know. When Jasper came to me, he was the monster. I was the compassionate one, the morally black and white one. Our roles have changed so much."

"Jasper was never a monster," I corrected. "Maria was a monster. Jasper was a victim of circumstance."

"That's a very accurate concept," Carlisle sighed. "A victim of circumstance. Aren't we all? At some point, circumstances will converge to create hard decisions in anyone's life. In the end, we never make the right choice. There is no such thing."

"I will never hold the life of someone I know above the life of someone I don't," I told him angrily. "What makes you think the person you don't know is less valuable than the one you do? You don't get to make that decision, Carlisle. I could never hurt someone who didn't deserve it just to save someone I love."

"If the Volturri came to you tomorrow and ordered you to kill a stranger to save Jasper's life, you wouldn't do it?"

"No."

"Okay," he accepted reluctantly. He looked sideways at me, keeping his eyes mostly on the road unlike the rest of the Cullens while driving, and chewed his lip. "Do you remember the trip to Volterra?"

The one where a vampire doctor named Marcus made me come in his examination room and Carlisle told the leaders of the vampire world to go fuck themselves?

"Yep."

"I think I fell in love with you there," he admitted. I looked at him; he was acting strangely. "You were this feisty little girl with some very grown up problems and you had decided to give your life to us. I didn't fully understand that I loved you like a daughter until you told Jasper over the phone that you didn't ever want to think about my 'favourite appendage'. It was an instant reaction – I knew I absolutely never wanted you to think about it because you were my child. And I love you."

"I love you, too, Carlisle. You do understand that I care about you even though I will never forgive you? I love you so much and that's why I hate you. You have done some terrible things to me, but I still love you. So Jasper and I need to go out on our own for a while so I can start to accept that your actions were those of a man about to lose everything, not a man who likes to hurt people on purpose."

We were silent in the car as we rounded the corner to the Cullens' house. Carlisle put his baby in park and turned to stare down at my stomach. The baby inside must have sensed its father; it swiped a hand or foot along the inside of my stomach as if waving to its father.

"I told you that you were a monster, Carlisle," I said softly. "I didn't mean that. I was angry and I'm sorry. In all honesty, I would probably hack any random stranger to shreds if it meant saving Jasper's life. I'm just a little pissed that the random stranger in your situation turned out to be me."

He smiled. I grabbed his hand and placed it on my stomach gently, letting him feel his baby move around happily. "This fence isn't irreparable. That was a lie, too."

"You do need time alone, though," Carlisle said with a warm smile. "You and Jasper will be newly mated once you have completed your change. I know for a fact that the rest of the family will not want to witness that."

"Why?" As far as I knew, Jasper and I were already mates. We held a connection in our souls that no one could ever compete for. We weren't _together_ because that implied a relationship made up of two pieces. We were a single piece.

"You and Jasper have a very deep connection, Bella," Carlisle said. I could almost hear the 'but' in his voice. "But once you are a vampire, that connection will increase a thousandfold. You will know where the other is at all times. You will intuitively know what the other is feeling, thinking, and wanting. You will find yourself positively feral should anyone make a move to hurt or come on to your mate. And the sex, Bella…"

I flushed bright red at the look on his face; I knew he was thinking about Esme's transition into his vampire mate and I wanted no part of that walk down memory lane.

"It's good," he said in what I was sure was the understatement of the year. "A little violent at times, but good."

I pictured myself being violent with Jasper and drew a blank. I couldn't see it happening. Well, if Carlisle said it was true, it probably was. I grinned to myself and thought, _Jasper's tough. He'll take it like a man._

"I'm looking forward to it," I sighed as we stepped out of the car. "Jasper is adamant that our first time will not involve another man's baby in my belly. He's perfectly content to let me suffer while he broods about sharing me."

"I expect he's quite jealous, Bella," Carlisle opened the door for me and ushered me in. "He will get over it, but not until you're changed."

"Yeah."

"Now, head upstairs and get your final night of sleep," he smiled, squeezing my shoulder affectionately. "Tomorrow, my son or daughter joins us and you become one of us in every way possible."

I pecked Carlisle's cheek and darted up the stairs into Jasper's room to find him sprawled across the bed 'napping'. I quickly shed my dress and slipped on some pajamas before crawling into bed with him and snuggling into his arms.

"Hey, darlin'," he whispered. "Good talk?"

"Yep," I said simply, working my head into the curve of his neck and shoulder. "No more talking, Jasper. I'm going to sleep like the dead one more time."

So he kissed me softly and let me fall asleep in his arms for the very last time.


	28. Chapter 28

AN: Hey, guys. This is it. Finito. See y'all in the sequel - which won't happen immediately, but it _will_ happen!

* * *

The colours were gone.

That was all I could grasp at the moment. There were no colours. The whole world was an expanse of grey, black, and white. What was happening?

I started to panic. My breathing was a rushing sound in my ears. My heart throbbed heavily, quickly, in my chest. My legs shook when I fought my instinct to run, run as far away as possible. Find the colours.

I took off at a dead run. I was in a forest without green, brown, or sunshine. It was grey. Everything was grey. My arm snagged on a low hanging branch and it stung. When I looked at it, I was bleeding. My blood was startlingly red against my white skin and the grey ground. I felt a hand around my bicep.

I looked up into Jasper's eyes. They were golden, just like the rest of him. His golden hair, his golden eyes, the sunshine that seemed to explode off his skin. I grabbed onto his shirt and clung to it for dear life.

"What's happening?" I begged. He said nothing, but leaned down to kiss me. His lips were warm, not cool and hard like I remembered. My mind processed this, but it didn't matter. I was in Jasper's arms again. I was safe. The world erupted into colour as he embraced me.

From here, the world was beautiful.

I jolted awake with my hand clutching a fistful of Jasper's yellow t-shirt. He looked at me peculiarly.

"Some dream," he commented, tugging me back into his arms. "You were freaking out about colours."

"It was weird," I admitted. My heart was still pounding. "The whole world was black and white. I was in a forest and I started to run, but I cut myself and I bled red. Then you showed up and you were all golden. When you hugged me, all the colours came back."

"Freaky."

"Yeah."

There was a violent crashing sound as Emmett and Peter wrestled each other fiercely through the door, clearly trying to get through first. When they both came through at the same time, crushing the sides of the doorframe, they landed on the floor on their asses. I stared.

"The fuck are you two _doing_?"

Peter's eager face was two inches from mine very suddenly and I gave a yelp of surprise. He backed off a bit, but only enough for him to properly look me in the face.

"It's your second last hour as a human!"

He crushed me to him like we'd just received news that my human condition was curable. I hugged him back because, hey, the guy was going to be part of my family of love pretty soon. And I loved him. That, too.

"Petey, this is my last morning to get a wake-up kiss. Even if it is four in the afternoon," I told him pointedly, to which he climbed on top of me and kissed me until I couldn't breathe. At that point, Jasper shoved him off of me a little harder than necessary and reminded him tersely that I was still human and would require oxygen for the next few hours. "Don't be so jealous, Goldie. You know you're the only man for my heart."

He smiled and leaned in for a kiss that was softer and far more intimate than the tongue fuck Peter had just given me. I moaned and did my best to melt into his body and become one with him, but he pushed me back gently and chuckled.

"We're making Emmett nervous," he murmured into my neck, sucking hard enough to leave a mark.

I opened my eyes and, sure enough, Emmett was standing in the door rubbing the back of his neck in a distinctly nervous cowboy move. I held out my arms.

"Come join the fully clothed orgy, Em," I teased. Jasper and Peter snarled at Emmett, who took another step back. "Can it, boys, I was joking."

"You are a force to be reckoned with," Emmett laughed, hopping into the bed between Peter and I. Unlike the other two vampires in my bed, he didn't attempt to glue his lips to my skin. "Oh, Bean. Your last breakfast awaits you. I remember my last breakfast. I had eggs and toast – homemade toast, not that shit you buy in a bag these days – with Mama's wild raspberry jam. I had the best milk I ever remember drinking. Oh, and the sausages…the _sausages_. You don't want to mess this up, Bella. This is your last food ever."

"Actually, Emmett," Carlisle's voice sounded from the door. "Peter took Bella out for her last food ever last night. No eating within twenty four hours of her surgery."

"That's like making me go without blood for a week!" Emmett cried, cradling my head as if I might die of starvation. "That's horrible!"

"The worst that could happen if I starve is that I get a little bitchy and my stomach hurts," I teased Emmett. "If you starve, you flip your shit and take out the townspeople. Big difference, there."

"You make me sound like the Hulk."

"Em, you are the Hulk," I paused and reconsidered. I then clarified, "If the Hulk was from Tennessee, wore a shit-eating grin, and was hottest looking ninety-eight year old man around."

"I'm not ninety-eight!" Emmett protested. "I'm ninety-nine. I was born in 1914, not 1915."

"You must have been a total freak," I commented. "Weren't people in the old days really small? You're fucking huge in 2012!"

"I was huge then, too," he winked. "But the girls just thought _everything_ must be huge. I worked it to my advantage. I was quite the ladies' man, you know."

"Keep your huge shit to yourself, Mr. Charmer," Peter shoved Emmett off the edge of the bed and he landed with a _thunk_. "I don't want another man's shit anywhere near Bella's."

Jasper just smiled happily, glad that he wouldn't have to beat the men off of me alone.

"I think play time is over, kids," Carlisle left the doorway, sidestepping a dramatically flailing Emmett, and lifting me out of bed and onto my feet. "I think you might appreciate a bit of time with Sophie and Jack before you…go away."

It had been decided that my volatile newborn nature posed a potential threat to the babies of the house, whose hearts still pumped warm blood through their veins. I agreed willingly; I wanted nothing to do with putting my children in harm's way. If they were safer away from me, I'd catch the first train out of here. Figuratively speaking, of course. I believe Jasper had his Veyron prepped for the journey to Canada.

I skipped out of the bedroom faster than any of the Cullens could move and raced down the hall to Sophie's bedroom. I flung open the door and was greeted by a six year old angel with golden curls and chocolate eyes as she launched herself through the air and smashed into me at full tilt.

"Mommy!" she squealed, squeezing me with the strength of a champion arm wrestler. "I missed you, mommy."

"Hey, baby," I cooed. I stroked her long curls and kissed every inch of her face. "I missed you, too. I love you so much, Sophie. But you know that Alice is your mommy, too, right?"

"I thought we agreed that was untrue?" Jasper said from the doorway. He was looking at us with a soft smile that lit up his face. "You're my girls. My momma girl and my baby girl."

I bit my lip, but nodded anyway. If Jasper's only stipulation on my relationship with Sophie was that she be allowed to call me Mommy, I was okay with that. Jack tugged on my pant leg. He was still about two now and a ball of giggles.

I scooped him up in my other arm and squeezed both of them in a big hug. Jasper wrapped his arms around us possessively and I pressed my face into his shirt, breathing him in.

"Are you done with my son?" Rosalie's voice arched from the window, where she was seated with a children's book in hand. I looked her square in the eyes and glared.

"Not quite," I said frostily. I was prepared to leave it at that, but she set the book down with a _bang_ and stood up. She crossed her arms and the look on her face was barely contained rage.

"Give me my son," she demanded. I resisted the urge to hand her Jack, turn tail, and bolt out of the room rather admirably, if I do say so myself.

"No."

"No?"

"_No."_

She stared at me long and hard, the rage still present on her face. Jack was tugging on my hair, braiding it into thin plaits like a pro, even though he was two years old. Sophie was snuggled into my neck, breathing softly against me. Finally, Rosalie moved.

She didn't lunge at me, like I'd been expecting. She didn't even try to snatch Jack from my arms. She simply relaxed her position and gave me a weak smile.

"This is all I ever wanted, Bella," she said in as gentle a tone as Rosalie Hale could be expected to muster. "I told you once that the events don't define you. You realize that you just refused to bend to the will of someone stronger, meaner, and willing to hurt you, right? That is all I ever wanted for you."

"What?"

"I'm not a cold person, Bella," Rosalie continued, looking a little offended. "I just refuse to stand by and let women accept their inferior place in society. I only pushed you so you would grow and strengthen."

"I don't know what to say," I said honestly. Did this mean that Rosalie didn't hate me? Were we…friends? I couldn't see that happening, not yet. She had been such a bitch! And she'd planned the whole thing to help me grow into a stronger person?

"Let's just say your backbone tattoo is aptly placed," she said with a wider smile this time. She was so pretty when she smiled. Prettier than usual, which was saying something.

"This is bizarre."

"You've been my sister since the moment Jasper locked you in the back of his cube van," she laughed. Jasper shifted uncomfortably, hands in his pockets. "I've done my best to help you in the only way I know how. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. That was never my intention."

"Well, shi-" Jasper slapped a hand over my mouth.

"No swearing. Little ears," he reminded me. _Oops_. "Rose, Bella and I are going to spend an hour with the kids. Is that alright?"

"Of course," Rosalie glided across the room and pressed a kiss to Jack's cheek before shutting the door behind her. Jasper rubbed my arms and pulled me closer.

"This day is freaky," I told him. He just laughed.

Jasper and I spent the next hour playing with Sophie and Jack. Sophie talked nonstop about her favourite Barbie, who was in love with her best friend Ken. It was all very sad, apparently, because Ken didn't know and Barbie was too scared to tell him. She carried on and on about it adorably while Jasper and I took turns playing peek-a-boo with Jack, who had inherited Emmett's belly laugh. Sophie had inherited Jasper's impish grin and my unfortunate habit of apologizing for everything – even if it wasn't my fault.

Like when Jack bit my toe and I yelped, knocking over poor Barbie in the process and Sophie and I both blurted out 'sorry!' before Jasper could tell Jack that biting was bad. It was a funny thing to hear a vampire say. 'Jack, biting is very bad! You could have hurt Bella. Don't ever bite someone again, Jack.'

Jack just nodded solemnly.

All in all, it was a fantastic way to spend the last hour of my human time. Getting some alone time with the kids was rare for me because of all the hustle and bustle, my inability to lift my own butt of the couch, and the fact that nine vampires occupied every waking second of our two newest additions.

I was now lying on Carlisle's cold, illegal metal operating table. I was completely naked, save my bra, and Carlisle and Jasper were standing over me ominously. Normally – how weird was it to say that in this situation? – Carlisle and I were alone, but Jasper was adamant that he be the one to change me. I agreed. If I had to have someone's venom running through my veins and teeth marks on my skin forever, I wanted it to be his. Failing that, Peter or Charlotte would suffice, but I wanted Jasper.

"The morphine will keep you sedated," Carlisle explained. "It's likely you won't feel the burn of your change like we did. It may hurt, but you will not be on fire for three days. It will also immobilize you until the venom burns it out of your blood system. You'll be paralyzed for about a day, but you won't notice that."

"Okay."

"Do you have anything you, er, like to say?" Carlisle asked awkwardly, like he wasn't asking me what my last words were. I grinned up at him.

"Any chance I could get a better bed, Doc?"

If Carlisle could blush, he would have then. He knew exactly why I wanted a different bed; he knew the cold turned me on and having Jasper standing there all sexy and whatnot while I lay naked on a metal sheet was doing horrible things to my mind.

"You'll be out in a minute," he assured me, inserting the syringe into the IV at my elbow. "Count backwards."

"I love you, Jasper."

"I love you, too, Bella."

The next time I opened my eyes, I would be a vampire. The next time Jasper kissed me, he'd be warm. The next time, the next time, the next time…my time with the Cullens was running through my mind. I played it over and over, pausing, playing, and rewinding. I knew that part of my life was over now. There would be no rewinding. I was never looking back again. I would only play my life forward.

"Count, Bella," Carlisle said firmly. I rolled my eyes.

"Ten, nine, eight…"

I was out before I'd really even started.

_Tomorrow is another day._

AN: That's all she wrote, kids! Now, there will be a sequel, but I'm working on another Jasper/Bella piece right now as well as a Peter/Bella piece. So it's going to be a while. Complain all you want, but never fear! Sequel will arrive eventually.

_Charlacy_


End file.
